Heart to Heart
by Grissom1
Summary: Can Grissom come to terms with his own mortality and get closure before it's too late? Set in my own alternate universe. Don't worry no character death. It's nice there.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One:**

**The Making of a Heart**

"How much time?" asked Grissom.

"There's really no way to…"

"I need to put some things in order," Grissom said as he tried to smooth the imaginary wrinkle from his slacks.

"Get them in order," warned the physician.

Grissom grabbed the medical report and practically ran out of the office.

"_I don't even have to turn around, Sara Sidle"_

"_That's me."_

He sat there in his vehicle, still, not moving, not thinking, and not focusing on anything except the beating of his heart.

_I first knew you by your face…._

_Now I know you by the sound my heart makes whenever I think about you…_

He sat there in his vehicle as he stared at the report. He could be clinical about this and have Doc take a look but then it would mean divulging his condition. He was not prepared to do anything of the sort. He could sum up his entire life in just one word.

_Sara…_

He leaned back and closed his eyes.

_Sara smiling…_

She smiled at him during the lecture and it disrupted his thoughts causing him to lose his train of thought. She had the ability to do that. He wasn't the only affected by her smile. Nick and Greg seemed to swoon every time she'd flash it in their direction. He was envious of them. It had not been directed at him in well…he couldn't remember.

_Sara laughing…_

She laughed all the time when she first came to Vegas. Her laugh was infectious. It suddenly stopped. There was a period when she rarely smiled or laughed. He missed it. Their circumstances had somehow taken the life out of her.

_Sara teasing…_

He enjoyed her innocence. She was anxious and willing and eager to please but he was cautious, reluctant and indifferent. The teases became torments. He took advantage of her youth and inexperience, trapping her into a no win situation. As much as she yearned, Grissom resisted.

_Sara asking…_

He refused to have breakfast or dinner or drinks or any kind of personal thing that might be construed that he was falling hopelessly in love with her because it would be a lie. He loved her the moment she smiled at him.

_Sara crying…_

If there was ever a root cause of his heart condition it had to be the effect her tears had on him. One drop and he felt as if a fist were choking his heart. A full blown bout of tears unnerved him to the point that he found himself stifling the lump in his throat. He didn't like the effect she had on him. It wasn't that Sara Sidle was emotional. It was just that she chose to share her emotions with no one except Grissom. She pretended to be tough but in private moments she let him see her vulnerability. He never returned the kindness.

_Sara pleading…_

He never understood what she saw in him. She was persistent but then so was he. One slip of weakness and he knew she would discover his true feelings and he could never have that. He needed to keep his distance in order to maintain this charade of boss and employee. He could accept just being near her…well, most of the time.

_Sara dejected…_

Her reaction to his rejections baffled him. He never thought he was worthy of anyone. He'd been a bachelor and loner for far too long. It wasn't by choice but rather a necessity because Grissom tended to fall hopelessly in love and that was not a good thing to do when one came from a family with genetic disposition to heart problems. As he watched her spiral downward, he hated himself. He'd been warned about the drinking. Brass had confronted her but she had denied it and inwardly he wished she would learn to hate him.

_Sara distant…_

He blamed himself as she hardened herself against the job and life and love. Perhaps it was one too many rejections, refusal to accept what his heart had been telling him for years. Distant was good. It made things easy for him. There were no confrontations of the heart and that was a good thing where Grissom was concerned but for Sara she learned to hide within herself.

_Sara loving…_

He saw a change come over her and thought she might have recovered from the rejection. He feared she had when he heard about a certain paramedic.

He breathed in deeply letting the pain slowly filter through to his brain. He pulled out a piece of paper and began making notes. Getting your affairs in order would take time and it was not something he had.

The paramedic came and went but she didn't seem to care that Hank Pettigrew had turned out to be just a diversion.

He'd advised her to get a diversion. It came and went. Sara was searching for something more. Sara wanted a life. Grissom was now willing to give that to her until his heart betrayed him.

_It's not a heart condition…_

Grissom glanced in the mirror. He looked and felt better than he had in weeks. The time off had made him feel stronger. There was minimal pain. It wasn't like it was a month ago when he had clutched his chest as his knees hit the ground. It had been an eye opener to say the least when he searched in agony but found himself alone. He had dismissed everyone from the crime scene and had chosen to finish up on his own. Five hours later, he was heaving. He contributed it to the steep incline he had to climb in order to return to the Denali. It did not end once he had managed to struggle back to the vehicle. He leaned against the back of the vehicle, gasping for breath.

_It's a condition of the heart…_

He blamed it on his stupidity. He had been hurt when he learned she had gone out with Detective Blake. Blake Williams was different. He was a nice guy. He was young, personable, dedicated to his job, smart and for the moment he had become Sara's current diversion. Grissom had watched from a distance when she slipped out of the lab as soon as the shift ended and was seen once or twice, quietly talking with Blake. The sad part was that Grissom liked the man. He had always been good at his job and respected their line of work. He was a good man. Grissom cursed.

_From a paramedic to a detective…_

He should be happy. Blake was much better than Hank Pettigrew. Hank had been a mistake from the beginning but he knew Sara was only dating him for a distraction. He wondered what she considered Blake. He decided his heart could not take the truth at the moment.

_My heart is broken…_

He dismissed the physician's medical expertise. His heart had been fine until he met Sara Sidle. She had affected him the moment he first laid eyes on her. His poor heart was not prepared for this type of shock. Besides, he wasn't supposed to have feelings. At least that's what she had told him one night and he was sure that's when the shortness of breath began.

_She broke my heart…_

He would gladly give his heart to her on a platter but he wasn't sure she would want it anymore. It was too fragile and damaged.

He felt old at the moment. He scribbled some more on his list before sticking it down into his briefcase. There were things to do and do them quick. He visualized the list and decided he was never good at paperwork. Given that, he did not think he would ever have his affairs in order.

_Just one…_

_The one that means the most…_

_Sara…_

He found himself sitting in his vehicle outside the lab. He wasn't even sure when he had arrived. Things seemed to get mixed up these days and he blamed it on the medication.

_Medication…_

_Shit…_

He popped the pill and downed some of the bottled water.

There was a slight tap on his windshield and he turned to find Brass there.

"You lost your beeper?" he asked.

Grissom fumbled in his pocket, finding the beeper with his fingers but he kept it hid.

"I guess I did," Grissom replied.

"Got a 419," said Brass eyeing him. "Anything wrong?"

"No," he said quickly as he stepped out of his vehicle, grabbing the message from Brass.

"See you soon," called Brass.

Grissom threw up his hand as he walked inside.

He stopped for a moment and looked around.

He could hear the others in the break room already. It was not like him to be late but then upon glancing at the clock, he was merely on time.

Grissom stood there in the doorway and listened to the banter. Greg was busy chatting with Sara while Nick and Warrick discussed a case. Catherine was busy on the phone with Lindsey. It was nothing and yet it had become his life for the past five years. Sara's laugh floated in the air and he had to lean against the doorway, begging his heart to stay in rhythm as it responded to the sound of her laughter.

_Turn Sara and see me…_

_Turn and smile…_

_Smile for me…_

Minutes passed and yet he remained perfectly still, waiting for her to notice him. She turned, catching sight of him standing there quietly. It seemed odd. He seemed different and yet he looked better than he had in weeks. He had taken time off, gone out of town because he had seemed more tired than usual.

She knew little details since they had not been on the best of terms of late. They had said little to one another ever since Hank had been exposed. She had kept to herself and he had stumbled across her once or twice crying in the locker room but not knowing how to fix a broken heart, he decided he needed to fix his own first because it was too painful to be near her in those moments when he was certain that the tears belonged to him. It didn't matter because soon the tears disappeared when Blake suddenly became a fixture in the lab.

Their eyes met but there was no smile.

He stared at her intently as if he thought he could will her to smile but instead she looked away.

"Hey Griss," called Catherine. "You're late…by your standards."

He smiled slightly. He held up the message in his hand. "Jim gave me this."

They groaned.

Catherine rattled off the last assignments that had been handed out by her in his absence. He wasn't listening. He could see her lips moving but he did not bother with the words. They were jumbled in his brain anyway as he turned to leave but called over his shoulder.

"Sara…you're with me."

The others glanced at Sara as she let the pencil drop onto her pad. She glanced at Catherine for a moment but stood, gathering her things and then left.

"Uhm, isn't it my turn?" asked Nick.

"I guess he needed Sara," said Warrick.

Catherine stared at the empty doorway. "Apparently so..."

Sara grabbed her jacket and turned just as Grissom stuck his head into the locker room.

"Got your kit?" he asked.

"In my car," she said.

She stopped suddenly when he announced, "You're driving."

It was strange.

She could count on two fingers the number of times Gil Grissom ever let her drive and this was one of them. He was already sitting in the Denali when she came out, tossing in her kit and then settling behind the wheel.

"Where to?" she asked.

He rattled off the address and she started the engine.

She glanced in his direction once or twice pretending to check the side view mirror.

He looked straight ahead.

"How've you been?" he asked.

She looked shocked.

He rarely asked anything personal.

"Fine."

Her answer seemed to bother him.

"I was gone for a month," he said hesitantly. _Did you miss me, Sara?_

He looked at her now.

She did not know how to respond. It wasn't a question. She did better with question and answer conversations with Grissom.

He continued.

"I've never been gone that long," he added.

_Oh…_

_I get it…_

_He's worried about the lab and how it fared during his absence…_

_He's pumping me for information…_

"Things were kind of slow with you gone. No doubles to work. We didn't miss you if that is what you're worried about."

It hurt, both physically and emotionally.

She thought her response would have made him happy. She wasn't sure how it made him feel since he turned away.

_Maybe I wasn't convincing…_

"Griss, the lab can survive without you."

He felt as if she had kicked him in the chest.

_It's cruel Sara to kick a man when he's down…_

He sat there in the vehicle not moving even though Sara had parked the Denali and was already grabbing her kit.

_Time to do what you do Grissom…_

_Tend to the dead…_

He wondered who would tend to his body once the end came. Images flashed of Brass standing over his body with a disapproving look while Doc discussed with David the intricacy of extracting a heart.

Sara grabbed her kit and noticed he had not even bothered to remove his from the vehicle. He shivered for a moment unsure whether he was being too macabre.

_Doc will pass me off to someone else…_

He remembered the countless number of autopsies he had witnessed with Doc. He had seen the man slice and dice a body in just minutes, weighing each organ with precise accuracy.

_How much does a heart weigh?_

He knew he should know the answer to this but for the moment he couldn't think of it. His brain was muddled at times. He blamed it on his condition.

He stepped into the house and followed the voices.

Brass was chatting with an officer.

_How much does a heart weigh?_

Grissom glanced down at the body lying on the bathroom floor.

"Looks like a heart attack to me," said Brass. "Should be a quick wrap up tonight."

Grissom stood there staring at the body.

_This is supposed to be some sick joke, right?_

_The guy dies of a heart attack while I'm trying not to have my own…_

"Hey Griss?"

When he did not respond to Brass, he felt a tap on his shoulder. "Going to just stand there or work?"

"Hmmm?"

"Where's your kit?" asked Brass.

Grissom glanced down at his empty hand.

_Shit…_

He mumbled something as he walked back out.

Sara stood at the entry.

"Where do you want me?" she asked.

It was an innocent question she had posed numerous times before at a crime scene and yet now he found it too painful to answer.

_With me Sara…_

_How much does a heart weigh?_

He opened his mouth but said nothing as he stepped past her.

Brass saw the exchange.

Sara looked confused.

"What's up with him?" asked Sara to Brass.

"Must have been some vacation," muttered Brass.

He never said it was a vacation. It had been referred to as "time off." A vacation meant he had planned the trip. It hadn't seemed planned. One minute he was there and the next they were being told he was taking time off. Word came from Ecklie rather than Catherine.

Even Catherine had thought that it was strange but then the last six months had been strange. Grissom had turned himself into a one man lab, working all hours of the day and night, doing lab work himself rather letting a technician but it had all come to a screeching halt when he had gone without any word to the unit.

_How much does a heart weigh?_

_Does it matter if it's broken?_

She jumped when she heard the kit drop to the floor beside her as she photographed the body.

"Doc is running late," said Brass.

"I found these on his bedside table," said Sara handing Grissom the bagged evidence.

"Heart medication," read Grissom.

"Like I said, it is a classic case of heart attack," quipped Brass. "Man was taking a shower and then keeled over before he could even get dressed."

Grissom glanced into the bathroom.

"No one missed him until he was scheduled to come into work," added the officer.

"Poor smuck lived alone," said Brass. "Live alone, you die alone. That used to bother me until I got married. Being alone is better."

Doc entered the room. "What do we have tonight?"

"Heart attack," said Brass and Sara.

Doc glanced at Grissom. "Gil, you don't look convinced."

"Never expect the obvious," he said.

_Well, that sort of sounded like the old Grissom_ thought Sara.

Doc rolled the man over while Sara continued to collect evidence.

"I've got semen," she announced over by the bed.

"Maybe he got lucky one last time," said Doc.

"Now, that's how I want to go out," said Brass. "…with a bang."

Doc glanced over at Grissom. "What's the matter with you tonight? That should be your line."

"He definitely had company," called Sara as she continued to collect evidence from the bed.

Grissom went through the motions as he waited until the body was removed.

"How was the vacation?" asked Doc.

"Vacation?" asked Grissom.

"You took time off," said Doc glancing over at Brass.

"Yes, it was time off," he clarified.

Sara head tilted toward the conversation.

_Well that sort of makes sense…_

_It wasn't planned…_

_It just happened…_

_But why?_

He walked through each room, imagining the last moments the man spent alive.

_I wonder if he had any warning signals…_

_Most have warning signals…_

He glanced around the house.

"What are you looking for?" asked Sara.

"Hmmm?"

"Did we miss something?" she asked.

"Photos," he said.

"Photos?"

"There are no photos," he said. "He was with someone but yet there are no pictures."

Sara's mouth curled into a frown. "He had sex…you think just because he had sex there would be photos…it was probably a one night stand…pick up and drop off or call up and deliver…anything is possible in this town," muttered Sara.

"My! Has the little lady changed?" said Doc.

"Vegas just opened my eyes," replied Sara. "It's sex, drugs, alcohol and gambling…nothing more."

Grissom looked shocked. "You don't really think that…do you?"

"This town reeks of death," said Sara. "It's no place to live."

Grissom continued to search.

It seemed to irritate Sara.

"There are no photos because he lived alone…some people prefer to be alone," gritted Sara.

_That's three shots in one night Sara…_

They finished up the crime scene within a few hours.

Sara dropped the last of the evidence into the Denali.

Grissom glanced at his watch.

"It's past dinner," he said.

_Question and answer Grissom…_

_I do better with question and answer…_

"Want to have dinner?" he asked sounding quite odd.

She looked dumbstruck.

"Dinner?"

Note from author:

Welcome back everyone. Sorry for the delay…blame it on…the weather…Anyway, this story is quite different…hang in there. I won't disappoint… have I ever?

Take care.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

**Heart Ache For One**

"Let's have dinner," he said wiping his forehead even though he seemed a bit cold.

"Dinner?"

"There's a place I go to just down the road here. It's good," he said feeling out of sorts.

Sara glanced around and saw Brass come out of the house.

_I get it…_

_You mean the three of us…_

"Dinner, Jim," she called.

His chest deflated as Brass accepted the invitation.

_How much does a heart weigh?_

_10-12 ounces unless it's enlarged like mine…_

_Mine is bigger than hers…._

_Explains why mine is damaged…_

_She has less to risk than me…_

He picked at his food while Sara and Brass chatted.

"How many heart attack cases do we see every year?" asked Brass.

Sara shrugged.

"Eight," replied Grissom.

The number surprised Brass.

"Nine…counting this one," clarified Sara.

"We're not sure…it was his heart," said Grissom softly.

"Man got too excited during sex…gave himself a heart attack," said Brass. "There are worse ways to die…we've seen our share of them."

Scenarios ran through Grissom's mind.

_Death at home…_

_Death at work…_

_Dying while working…_

_Dying while sleeping…_

They once worked a case in which a man died in his shower.

_I don't want to go like that…_

_To have them find me like that…_

_I want to be in bed…_

_My father died in his sleep…_

_That's not so bad…_

_He died alone…_

_I don't want to be alone…_

_I want to die…_

_In Sara's arms…_

"Broken hearts can be deadly," said Grissom.

Sara tried not to react.

"You think the guy was pining away for some woman and keeled over with a heart attack?" asked Brass.

He didn't know what he meant. He didn't even know he had said it out loud until Brass posed the question.

Grissom took a sip of water. The water felt good. His mouth was dry and he could never seem to get enough to drink these days.

"Griss?" asked Brass.

"Hmmm?"

"Broken heart theory," replied Brass.

He was relieved when the others began searching their pockets for the sound of a beeper.

"It's not me," said Brass.

Sara held hers up.

They both looked at Grissom.

He quickly pulled his out.

It was the doctor's office.

_Shit…_

_Death is calling already…_

He shoved the thing back into his pocket and took another sip of water.

"Thought you lost that, "said Brass. "An emergency?"

"Not yet," Grissom replied.

Sara and Brass exchanged glances but they continued to eat.

They returned to the lab. He had said very little in the car as he sat there with his arms folded over his chest. Once inside the lab Grissom retreated to his office. He sat down and breathed in deeply. He fumbled through the papers in his briefcase until he came across his list. Since his arrival to work, he had not accomplished anything on the list.

_Don't waste any more time Grissom…_

_Put your affairs in order…_

_Walk out without a word…_

He thought of the others and decided he could not do that. He scribbled on the list and stuck it in his pocket. He heard a tap on his door and saw Nick standing there.

"Hey boss, I got the results on that Anderson case," he grinned.

"I guess it's good news," said Grissom.

"We've got him," smiled Nick.

"Good work, Nick," said Grissom.

Nick started to walk away when Grissom called him.

"Hey Nick?"

"Yeah Griss."

"I'm uhm I'm very proud of you," he said. "You've never disappointed me."

Nick's smile faded. It wasn't often that Grissom gave out compliments.

"You're a good mentor," said Nick. "The best."

Grissom suddenly stood grabbing imaginary things from his desk as Nick scurried away. Once he knew he was alone, Grissom leaned against the desk.

"You don't need me anymore," he said out loud.

Grissom grabbed his briefcase and headed down the hall. He stopped when he heard Greg and Warrick.

"Night Griss," they called.

It was always odd when they said good night. They knew it was actually daylight but it seemed to fit.

"Good work on the Anderson case," said Grissom to Greg.

"Nick told you," he muttered.

"I think you're ready to do some solo work now," replied Grissom.

Greg lit up. "You mean it?"

"You don't need me anymore, Greg. You're just as good as the others. You've been a good student."

Greg was speechless.

"Thanks, Griss," he finally got out.

Grissom smiled at Warrick as he started down the hall. He stopped when he heard Warrick call his name.

"Hey, Griss."

"Hmmm?"

"You didn't say how your time off was?" asked Warrick. "It seemed odd that you weren't here."

"I needed the time off," said Grissom. Grissom glanced around. "This place can function without me."

"Well, sure, but…"

Grissom interrupted him. "I've always been able to count on you, Rick. You've never let me down."

"Hey, you know I'll always have your back, Grissom. You've always been there for me," replied Warrick.

"Night," said Grissom.

Warrick stood there and watched as the man walked out of the lab.

The cool air sent a shiver down his back. Grissom hated cool weather. His knees always bothered him. He glanced around and saw Catherine sneaking a smoke.

"I thought you quit?" he asked.

"Yeah, well, Mother could drive anyone to drink so I thought smoking was a lesser evil," she chuckled.

She stared at him. "You've been quiet. Anything happen on that time off?"

He shook his head. "I want to thank you for taking care of everything."

"How often do you take off?" she teased.

"You could easily step into my shoes, Catherine. You're a good supervisor," he said.

She looked at him odd. "Not planning on extending that leave, are you?"

He smiled sadly. "The lab would be in good hands if I did."

Catherine tensed. "Hey, Griss, you didn't go on a job hunting expedition, did you?"

"And leave all of this?" he asked extending his hands.

Catherine half smiled. "You'd tell me if you were going to quit your job, right?"

"You'd be the first to know," he announced.

"See you in a few hours," she said as she snuffed out the cigarette.

Grissom got into his vehicle and drove away. He fumbled through the briefcase and pulled out the list marking out the third item on the list.

_Managed to say goodbye to the team at least…_

_Except Sara…_

_I could never say goodbye to Sara…_

He never planned it.

It just happened.

One minute he was driving home and the next he was sitting there in her parking garage.

He'd been there numerous times.

He knew exactly where she parked her car, which set of steps she took and the route she took when she jogged.

He knew all of these details because on sleepless days he would often follow her.

For a CSI, she never noticed or perhaps she never cared to let him know.

He fiddled with the key pulling it out of the ignition but then putting it back in.

He did this so many times that he didn't even notice that suddenly Sara was standing there beside his vehicle.

He jumped when she tapped on the window.

He fumbled to roll down the window while holding the keys in his hand.

Power windows were certain not to work without the keys. He felt his face turn a crimson red.

She tapped once more and he finally opened the driver door.

"Hey, my beeper didn't go off," she said trying to slow her breathing.

"Beeper?" he asked as he stared at her sweaty body.

"Yeah," she said. "I wasn't gone very long…just forty minutes."

The thought of jogging for ten minutes made his heart thud loudly.

"I didn't beep you," he said.

"You didn't?" she asked.

"No."

They stared at one another.

"Why are you here?" she asked.

"Sara, I uhm…"

The words completely left his brain and he cursed inwardly.

"Is there a problem with a case?" she asked. "I can come in early…"

"No," he interrupted. "It's not a case."

She stood there and waited for him to explain but no explanation followed.

"Look Grissom, I'm getting cold. I forgot to take my jacket," she said. "Mind if we go inside?"

"No, of course not," he said quickly.

She expected him to explain his presence but instead he said nothing as he stepped into her apartment.

"Want a drink?" she asked.

"Water," he said.

She handed him a bottled water as she gulped down her own.

"So…are you going to tell me why you're here?" she asked.

"How were things with Catherine while I was gone?" he asked.

_Back to that again…_

_Ecklie must have complained about something…_

"Fine."

He nodded slowly.

"You didn't come all the way over here to ask me that," said Sara.

"Things seem to be better between the two of you. I mean I talked with her without divulging your past and…"

"Grissom, Catherine and I are both adults. We've worked out our differences and things are fine now."

"Oh."

She stared at him. "Is there something else?"

He could feel the perspiration beginning to bead on his forehead.

"Something else?"

"Griss, if there's been a complaint of some sort then just tell me," she said.

"Complaint? No," he assured her.

She finished off the water.

"Okay, so it's not a complaint, it's not a problem with Catherine, it's not a case and I've not been called in…are we going to continue with twenty questions?" she frowned.

He glanced around. "You've changed a few things."

She sighed letting her frustration slip through.

"I do that every now and then…change things…move things…throw out things…get new things."

He fidgeted for a moment.

"I didn't mean that Brass had to come with us the other night…to dinner," he blurted out.

"Dinner?"

"Yes. We uhm could have gone to dinner…without him."

She blinked.

_He knows about Blake and me…_

_How could he know?_

She would have taken her pulse but thought better of it as she reached for more water and chugged it down.

"Okay. I'll keep that in mind the next time we find ourselves out and we've not eaten."

She smiled slightly and his heart skipped a beat.

_That's it Sara…_

_Just a little more…_

_Let me see that Sidle smile…_

"I don't know why we never thought we could have dinner…alone…I mean we're friends…nothing more," she said.

The pressure escalated in his chest.

"Friends," he repeated.

There was a knock on the door and she opened it.

He wished she hadn't.

He wished she had given him a moment to recover from the latest blow.

"Hey Grissom," said Blake extending his hand.

Grissom took it.

Blake turned toward Sara. "Don't tell me you've been called into work?" he questioned.

"Uh, no. Grissom just came by to invite me to dinner," she said.

"That's nice," Blake said as his hand slipped around her waist.

"The diner…before work?" she asked.

"The diner," said Grissom.

Grissom slipped on his sunglasses and left.

Blake pulled her into his arms.

"Was this your idea or his?" he asked.

"His," she breathed uneasily.

"So…you going to tell him…about us?" he asked looking at her intently.

"No time like the present," she said.

"Good, because I was wondering when you were going to submit the paperwork to change your name to mine," he said kissing her hungrily.

She returned the kiss. "We've only been married for a few days."

Note from author:

Ouch! That's going to hurt…Yeah, this is one of those stories…the angst but you'll enjoy it. Take care.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three:**

**The Sound of a Heart Ache**

"I'm not the kind to hide such a thing. I was the one who wanted to get married in a church," Blake chided.

"I didn't want any of that formal stuff," she said pulling him down on the couch.

"Sara, a wedding is supposed to be a time when family and…"

"I don't have any family," she said.

"You have friends," he said kissing her on the forehead.

"Do you regret that we got married?" she asked.

"No! I'll never regret that Sara," he said as he kissed her.

She curled her body close to his.

"He's uhm seemed different since he got back," said Sara.

"He certainly looks better," said Blake. "The man was overdue for a vacation."

"It wasn't a vacation. It was just time off," she clarified.

"You think something is wrong?" he asked.

"If it is, he won't tell anyone. Grissom is very private," she said.

"Sounds familiar," he teased. "It was hard cracking your shell. You wouldn't let me in for a long time."

"I…uhm didn't trust you," she said.

"Well, I think it's good that you're having dinner with him," whispered Blake as his hand slowly slid down her waist and rested on her hip.

Blake pulled her closer so that her head rested on his shoulder.

"I love you, Sara," he whispered.

She trembled.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I think Grissom knows," she replied.

"What makes you think that?" he asked.

"Grissom would never risk coming here…much less inviting me to dinner," she said. She sighed. "He knows. He must have seen the ring on the chain or something."

"Does it bother you?" he asked.

"I've been wanting to find a way to tell everyone…I mean it's one thing to announce you're married and another that you're pregnant."

His eyes fell to the floor.

"I want this baby…and you," she insisted as she kissed him.

He smiled slightly as he caressed her back.

"I'm glad he knows. You need to be careful in the field," he said.

He pulled out a set of keys in his pocket and flashed them.

"What's that?" she asked.

"The keys to our house," he said with a grin.

Sara's mouth dropped open. "You bought a house?"

"Sara, we're going to need the room," he said. "We both have one bedroom apartments."

"Yes, but…"

"I saw you one day looking on the internet," he said.

She froze.

"What house did you purchase?" she asked.

"The house on Riverview Drive," he said.

"That…house?" she asked.

"You seemed really interested in it?"

"I recognized the address," she whispered.

"Address?"

"Uhm Grissom lives on that block," she said.

"I guess we're going to be neighbors," he said.

She groaned. "Nausea just doesn't want to go away."

"You okay?" he asked worriedly.

"I'm fine," she whispered. "A shower would be good. I smell."

He continued to stare at her. "You think jogging is good…for your condition?"

"Plenty of pregnant women jog," she responded.

"How's the morning sickness?" he asked.

"It's a bitch," she moaned. "Seems to be worse in the evenings."

"Take care of yourself…for me," he said.

She smiled.

She started to leave when he grabbed her hand.

"Sara…if you hadn't gotten pregnant…"

"Don't. I married you because you make me happy," she said. "I haven't been happy in a very long time."

"But…"

"Shut up or I'll kick your ass," she warned.

He grinned. "You probably could."

Blake pulled her into his arms and held her. "You're the most important thing to me…you know that?"

"Yeah, I do," she said as she leaned in for a kiss.

"I better shower if I'm going to get any sleep before dinner," she said as she headed to the bedroom.

"Does this mean you're going to stop wearing my ring around your neck?" he asked.

"It goes on the finger tonight," she said.

Blake smiled. "Can I talk you into using 'Williams' rather than 'Sidle'?"

"Don't push your luck," she teased.

Sara rushed into the diner and glanced around. She had left the apartment in order to show up early but the nausea had detained her on the side of the road. Some mouth rinse and mint did wonders these days as she tried to seem upbeat but feeling pretty wasted. He waved when he spotted her. He had chosen a booth in the back.

"Sorry, I'm late," she breathed.

"No problem," he said. He had spent the last hour trying to come up with some excuse not to show up. It was obvious from their appearance in her apartment that she had clearly moved on. He certainly couldn't blame her. As the silence dragged between them, he wished he had come up with any excuse to avoid this confrontation.

"I'm glad you wanted to do this," she said licking her lips.

He wanted to kiss them.

He leaned forward and began.

"Look, I know this year has been really hard…for both of us," he began. "That was my fault. I never knew…how to handle these feelings between us."

She nodded. "What happened to us Grissom?"

His heart fluttered, perhaps there was still hope.

"We let the job get in the way…I did…I did that."

"We were friends…close friends when I lived in San Francisco. We talked…really talked, but then I came to Vegas and all of that changed," she said.

She swiped at her eyes and he smiled.

_You missed me…_

"Sara, this has been my fault. I never thought there could be anything between us except boss and employee."

"Well, there was…long before we became boss and employee. You were the only person…who knew me. I know I complicated things by wanting more…and I get it. You didn't feel that way."

_Yes, I did…._

_I've always loved you…_

"I care Sara," he said.

She swiped at her eyes once more.

"I've missed you," she whispered.

His heart fluttered once more.

"I've missed you too. Could we start over?" he asked.

"I'd like that," she said with a smile.

His chest tightened at the sight of that smile.

He returned the smile.

"How did you find out?" she asked.

He was confused but hid it.

He was becoming adept at that.

Sara flashed the wedding ring on her finger and for a moment Grissom was sure his time was up.

"I was only gone for a month," he said trying very hard to hide his emotions.

"We got married just a few days ago," she said.

He nodded slowly.

_I was too late…_

_She's married and I've lost her…_

"Blake is a good man," he said.

"He's not you," she teased.

He felt a slight twinge.

"Sara…"

"I've not been happy in a long time. In fact, I uhm sort of just went through a period where I didn't care about anything…that scared me. I was taking risks at my job…some of it you know about. Brass knows the rest. He practically threatened to have me removed from my job if I didn't do something about it. You sort of know about the drinking."

Grissom nodded.

"Blake picked up on it. He caught me a few times…pretty much chewed me out but then he made me talk with him…really talk."

Sara's eyes met Grissom's.

"He reminds me a lot of you," she whispered.

The pain intensified.

"Are you happy?" he whispered.

"Yes, I am," she replied as she smiled through the tears.

"I'm happy for you," he said as his hand reached out and took hers. "Be happy, Sara."

"I uhm need to tell you something else," she said.

He wasn't sure if he could take much more.

"I'm pregnant," she blurted.

She waited for him to respond.

He imagined how he would react if he'd given their relationship a chance and she were carrying his child.

He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed her palm.

"You're going to make a great mother," he said.

She wasn't prepared for the rush of tears.

It was as if a flood gate opened.

"I'm sorry. Stupid hormones," she wailed.

The waitress appeared with more coffee, but Grissom motioned her away.

He gently pulled Sara over to his side of the booth and wrapped his arms around her.

"I know this is going to mean some changes on assignments," she managed to get out through gulps of tears.

He kissed her on the forehead.

"We'll work it out," he said.

He was content for the moment to sit there holding her.

"Griss, we uhm haven't ordered," she sniffled.

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

"All the time," she whined.

He chuckled.

"That's a change…a good change," he said.

"Promise me…we'll stay friends?" she asked.

"I promise," he replied.

"We uhm bought a house," she said.

"That's good," he replied.

"It's on Riverview Drive," she said hesitantly.

"It is?"

"2240," she added.

"That's uhm across the street from me," he breathed.

"Blake purchased it without consulting me," she explained.

"It's a nice house, Sara," he said softly.

"Griss, you've seemed different since you got back," she sniffled.

"I did a lot of thinking while I was away," he said.

"Are you okay?" she asked worriedly.

"I'm fine. I have my friend back. I've seen you smile again," he said.

She turned inward. "Friends always."

She continued to cry.

It wasn't the hormones.

She knew it.

It was the end of an old dream.

She'd formed a new one and she was glad it at least included Grissom in her life.

"I'm glad we did this," she said.

Food was ordered and then served. They talked about the past year, setting the hurt and pain aside.

Grissom glanced at his watch.

"Time for shift," she said.

_Time for me to make a decision…_

She slipped out of the booth as he did the same.

He picked up the check.

"Thanks for dinner," she said as she hugged him. It was supposed to be a slight embrace but he pulled her close and held her for a moment. It did his heart good. He breathed in deeply, trying to memorize the feel of her body next to his. A sweet fragrance tantalized his senses.

"I'll see you at work," he whispered.

She smiled as she headed out the door.

He slumped back into the seat, pulled out the medication, and gulped it down.

Note from author:

I know….leave a review. Remember, this will be GSR...and besides you will see their friendship is back intact....

Take care.


	4. Chapter 4

**Note from author:**

**Thanks to so many who are reading along. I wanted to let you know that this story is complete and there are 25 chapters. I hope that you will continue to read along and I am sure you will enjoy this GSR story...for real.**

**Chapter Four**

**The Sound of a Heart Break**

He watched as the others slowly recognized the ring on her finger.

There were congratulations and hugs and looks and stares.

The glances came from Catherine.

She eyed Sara and then Grissom.

The others seemed a bit apprehensive as well.

The glances slowly came his way from the others.

He merely smiled. "I knew before the rest of you."

Sara beamed.

He loved that smile.

He felt his heart breaking and yet he stood there returning her smile.

_You can stop now…_

_Stop beating and release me from this pain…_

_No need to continue…_

_Forget the list…_

"Assignments?" asked Catherine.

Grissom and Sara's eyes locked.

"Listen, you might as well know the rest of it," she said.

Catherine's eyes traveled to Grissom's.

"I'm pregnant," blurted out Sara.

There were more hugs.

Catherine could not take her eyes from Grissom.

The others looked at Grissom.

"I knew that, too," he said.

"Is there anything else?" asked Nick as he hugged her.

"We're going to be neighbors," announced Grissom.

"Blake purchased the house across from Grissom," explained Sara.

"Better hope his prized roaches don't escape," said Greg.

"Roaches?" she asked. "You still keep roaches?"

Grissom nodded.

"Keep them on your side of the street," she teased.

He smiled as he handed out the assignments and then retreated to his office.

Grissom leaned back in his chair and waited for the pain to begin. He was prepared. It was not such a bad way to go. They would find him in his office. He wasn't really alone. He was surrounded by others. He pulled out his list and marked through Sara's name.

_She's pregnant…_

_She's married…_

_She's happy…_

_She smiled for me…_

It was at that moment that nothing else seemed to matter. She was happy. It was what he'd wanted for her. He had nothing to offer her. He had no future. Sara had a future with someone who loved her.

_Why won't you just stop?_

_Get it over with…_

_No more wondering when it's going to happen…_

_Damn heart just stop!_

There was a tap on the door as Catherine stepped in and shut the door behind her.

"How are you doing?" she asked.

"Me?"

"Gil, we've been friends for years. I know you. That must have hurt…Sara married…and pregnant."

"She deserves to be happy," he said showing little or no emotion.

"So you're telling me, you're okay with this?" she asked.

"Yes, I am," he said.

She stared at him.

"Look, we both know they only married because she's pregnant," said Catherine.

"Catherine…"

"She's always loved you," persisted Catherine.

He wanted to believe that.

He could mark off something else on his list.

"Sara and I have always been friends. We care about one another very much."

"You two fought like you were lovers," she huffed.

He felt a twinge and was grateful. It was a sign that perhaps his heart was deciding to cooperate after all.

"I've never been good at relationships," he said. "I messed up our friendship and now I'm getting it back."

"It should have been more," said Catherine.

"Catherine…"

"You love her," said Catherine.

He did. He did with every fiber of his being.

"She and Blake are very happy. He's good for her."

She stared at him in disbelief.

"You're leaving," she said.

He said nothing.

"Sit there and tell me you're still going to be here," she challenged.

He sighed.

"You are leaving. When?" she asked, sounding hurt.

"I'm not sure," he admitted.

"You could have just come out and told me," she said.

"Catherine, I need to get some things in order…I would appreciate it if you wouldn't mention this to anyone," he said.

"How long are we talking? I mean, I just don't want to be broadsided," she huffed.

"I'll try not to do that," he said.

She stood and watched him for a moment.

"Keep me in the loop?" she asked.

"I will," he assured her.

As soon as she left, he grabbed his things and headed down the hall.

"Judy, tell the others something came up and I had to leave."

He did not even wait for a reply but left.

Her voice stopped him.

"Hey, Grissom?"

He turned and came face to face with Sara.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

"I was going to ask you that," she said.

"I've been putting off something," he said. "It can't wait."

"Anything I can do?" she asked.

He shook his head.

"You'll be here tomorrow?" she asked.

"Yes."

"I have the ultrasound in the morning," she said. "We'll know if it's a boy or girl."

"You have a preference?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"Night," she said as her hand reached out and touched him on the arm.

He wanted to hold her again.

_Just one more time…_

It didn't happen.

Hodges called for her and she took off down the hall.

Grissom sat there across from his physician.

"So you're ready for the surgery?" asked Dr. Peters.

"No."

"Mr. Grissom, it's in my professional opinion…"

"With surgery, there's still only a 40 percent chance of survival."

"Without it, you're giving yourself a death sentence," warned Dr. Peters.

"We could try a regimen of medication. It would increase my chances for surgery…later."

"You might lose that chance if you wait. Mr. Grissom, you could have a massive heart attack."

"Medication…not surgery," said Grissom.

He would have preferred the surgery once he started the regimen of medication.

It made him sick.

He'd forced himself into the office, hoping that another encounter with Sara would surely drive his heart into overdrive, ending the pain and suffering.

It didn't.

He didn't even have a twinge when she announced it would be a girl.

His heart didn't even skip a beat when Blake arrived.

He watched as the young man showed off the ultrasound photo. Blake's hand held the small photo while the other held Sara's hand. He was holding his Sara. She turned and glanced at Grissom, stopping long enough to smile at him. He smiled back.

His heart was a traitor.

It was broken he was sure of it and yet it continued.

He woke up one evening and saw a moving van parked across the street. He watched from his bedroom window as delivery men unloaded furniture under Sara's watchful eye. She glanced up and saw him standing there.

She waved.

_You're going to be sleeping across the street…_

_You'll probably choose the bedroom that faces mine…_

_You'll make love and sleep next to Blake while I lie here knowing you're so close and yet…_

He stumbled backwards onto the bed.

It had been quite a jolt.

He breathed in deeply as his shaking hands reached for the medication on the night stand.

He hated the stuff but took it.

No one could call him a quitter.

He was just choosing his type of death.

He laid back down on the bed and closed his eyes.

He'd not cried in years.

He wiped his eyes and his weakness angered him.

_Stop feeling sorry for yourself Grissom…_

_You can sit and watch Sara…_

_She's happy…_

_You want her to be happy…_

_Not saddled with a man with no future…_

It didn't help.

He cried anyway.

He rolled over grabbing the other pillow and cursed into it.

_So this is what a broken heart really feels like?_

Hours passed and he did not move. He slept once or twice. He would have remained there had it not been for the soft tapping on his door.

He rose but then his stomach lurched and he vomited.

He was thankful he'd made it to the bathroom but now he stood there on wobbly knees. He'd missed several meals and knew it had been a mistake.

The tapping had stopped. His phone went off.

"Grissom," he gasped.

"Griss?"

"Sara?"

"I uhm came over but you didn't answer," she said.

"I'm sorry. I'll be down in a minute," he said.

The door opened and Sara gasped. "You're sick."

"I look that bad?" he asked.

"Yeah, you do," she said.

He leaned against the doorframe.

"Can I do…" she stopped when he teetered. Her arm quickly wrapped around his waist as she guided him to the couch.

She quickly stuffed a pillow under his head and threw the small throw over him. She disappeared for a moment but returned with a glass of juice.

He drank some. "Thank you."

"You should go to the doctor," she urged.

"I did. I'd taken some medicine…forgot to eat…not good," he said.

"You think you could eat something now?" she asked.

"Yes."

"I'll be right back," she said.

"Sara…"

"Stay put," she instructed.

She returned within a few minutes carrying a bag.

"Chinese," she said holding it up. "Blake got called into work."

"Lucky for me," said Grissom.

Sara helped herself to his kitchen as she set out two plates.

She handed him a plate as she sat across from him.

Within minutes, he seemed to feel better.

Sara rambled on about the fallacies of moving.

He managed to eat half of the food while he sat there and hung on every nonsensical word.

"I'm rambling," she whined.

"Moving can be hard," he grinned.

"I didn't think it would be this hard to merge two apartments into a house," she whined.

"Do you like the house?" he asked.

"Everything…except the kitchen," she admitted.

"What's wrong with the kitchen?" he asked.

"I have one," she said. "Griss, the only cooking I've ever done has been to open a can and heat the contents in the microwave."

"You can't cook?" he asked.

"No."

He grinned "You can learn."

"I've tried. I suck."

Her expression was priceless. He'd forgotten how her lower lip always curled into a frown when she was frustrated.

"I guess you can cook," she whined.

"Yes, I can," he admitted.

"It figures," she said.

"I uhm could teach you," he offered.

"Right," she muttered.

"You've always been a good student," he said.

"You've always been a good teacher," she smiled.

He loved that smile.

It was worth the pain.

"You really think you could...teach me?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Dinner tomorrow then. Wait, I have to get groceries."

"Choose something simple," he said.

"Boiled water?" she teased.

"Try harder," he said.

"I better get back. I sort of left the movers unattended," she said.

"Don't lift anything," he cautioned.

"I'm not which is why the movers are going to earn their pay. They're not leaving until everything is in place."

She stared at him. "You really okay?"

"Much better," he said.

He insisted on walking her to the door and then stood there and watched as she made her way back across the street.

She waved from her door and he did the same.

Note from author:

Isn't it nice that they are neighbors? Believe it or not, there is some fluff coming...

Take care.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

**Sharing a Broken Heart**

He seemed restless as he roamed the house. It was days before he seemed to adjust to the medication. There had been bouts of nausea and pain. He had managed to continue to work opting to stay in the office rather than attempt to go into the field. If anyone was suspicious nothing was said. All eyes had been diverted from him and were now on Sara Sidle Williams.

It was just as well. He still needed time to adjust to her news, his condition and the fact that he was hopelessly if not completely in love with a woman who was married to another man. News of the impending birth was an added blow. He wondered how much more his poor heart could take. He'd hoped it wasn't much more.

He'd hidden inside his house, not wishing to run into Sara or Blake. It was just as he suspected. Her bedroom was directly across from his. He could look out his window and see their bed. While she had hung drapes, she kept them pulled back. On the first night, she had stood there by the window, staring directly into his.

For a moment neither moved. Sara merely placed her hand on the window pane. He did the same.

His chest pounded. She stepped away from the window but he could not bring himself to move.

He was startled when his phone rang. He stepped back and picked it up. He glanced up and saw that she was now standing there with phone in hand.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Hey."

"The master bedroom faces yours," she said.

He was quiet, not sure what to say.

After a moment of silence, she spoke.

"Want to set up a system of signals?" she asked.

"Signals?"

"When I was growing up there was this boy who lived across the street and we used to flash signals to one another at night," she explained

"Sounds like your insomnia started early," he replied.

"We used the shades as a form of communication," she said.

"I have shades…you don't," he said.

"If I got shades would you send me signals?"

He wondered if she was teasing.

"Sara…"

"Just to say good night," she said. "And good morning."

He didn't know what to say.

"Just a wave," she said. "Just a wave so I know that…" She didn't finish.

"Is everything okay?" he asked.

"Yes," she said. "I'm sorry. It's silly. See you at work."

She was gone suddenly.

It bothered him.

Her behavior seemed odd.

Sara leaned against the wall of her bedroom and gulped back the wave of emotions. She knew that it was going to be hard but each time she glanced across the street, she wondered when she would find Lady Heather or someone else there. She knew he was not a recluse and it would be a matter of time before it happened.

_Stop it Sara…_

_You should be happy…_

_You're married and expecting Blake's child…_

She was happy. She told herself that over and over. It was hard convincing one's heart when it was heartbroken. She had loved Grissom for so many years. It had been difficult letting go of that dream. It had almost consumed her and she was sure that if Blake had not interceded she would have self destructed.

God, she loved Blake.

She was sure of that.

He was good and kind.

No matter how hard she tried to rid herself of those old feelings, her love for Grissom remained.

She blamed it on the hormones, the endless nights away from Blake and she was sure it did not help that once again Grissom was his old self again. She did not realize how much she missed their friendship until it had returned.

The old dreams resurfaced and she felt guilty.

Blake deserved more.

Worst, she did not want to chase Grissom away again.

He had made it perfectly clear over the years that he wanted nothing more than friendship. It had been pure torture to live without anything and now that he had offered her friendship again she was willing to take anything Grissom was willing to give.

_Don't screw it up Sara…_

_Don't push…_

_Take what he gives and be thankful…_

_He's right next door…_

_Why are so needy when it comes to Grissom…_

She released the drapes.

Grissom lost sight of the room.

He'd lost sight of her.

He glanced down at the carport and saw that she was alone.

_Maybe something is wrong…_

She glanced down at the caller I.D. when her phone rang.

She let it ring, as she tried to compose herself.

_Damn hormones…_

She sniffled.

Within minutes, she was in tears.

She slipped down into the floor and cried.

Sometimes, the best thing to do for a broken heart was to let it mourn.

She did just that.

Her phone rang again.

She cursed.

_Don't blow it Sara…_

She flipped open her phone.

"Pull back the drapes," he said.

"Why?" she asked.

"I can't see you," he said.

"You see me all the time," she whispered.

_You never used to see me…_

_You discarded me as if I were some…_

_Don't go there again, Sara…_

_Learn from your mistakes…_

"Please," he said.

She hated when he used that word with her. She could never resist any request from him. She stood slowly, as she wiped her tear streaked face.

The drapes were slowly pulled back.

She stood there and faced him.

"Secret signal huh?" he asked.

"Stupid I know," she breathed.

"We could uhm wave," he said. "I never cared for shades…just pull back the drapes."

"Okay. A wave," she said.

He raised his hand and waved at her.

She did the same before she pressed it against the window pane.

He did the same.

"Sara?"

"Hmmm?"

"Are you okay?"

She wasn't.

She wanted to crumble to the floor.

"I'm fine…You know I'm sorry. I seem to be doing it again. I promised I wouldn't do this. I'm sorry I bothered you…geez Grissom, why is it so hard?" she whispered not intending for him to hear the last few words.

He did.

"What's so hard?" he said as he gripped the window pane to steady himself.

"Nothing," she said. "Look, I won't bother you anymore. I won't."

She dropped the drapes as she tossed her phone onto the dresser.

She curled into the bed, pulling Blake's pillow against her chest.

"You deserve better."

She rolled away from her phone when it rang again.

It continued for several minutes.

She slowly pulled herself to a sitting position and grabbed the phone.

"Look Grissom…"

"Sara?"

"Blake? I'm sorry. I didn't look at the caller I.D."

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yes…no...damn hormones," she sniffled.

He grinned. "Got the blues again?"

She did.

"I'm sorry. I was calling to tell you I can't come home," he said sounding frustrated.

"I understand…really I do. I mean I pull doubles more than you," she said.

"Yes, I know you do but I know how you hate feeling this way. It'll get better. It's just part of the pregnancy," he urged.

"I don't seem to have control over any of my feelings these days. The least little thing sends me into a mess," she sniffled.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Nothing."

"Did you have words with Grissom?" he asked.

"No…it's just…what if I screw up Blake and he…"

"I know his friendship means a lot to you," he whispered.

"I never knew how much until I got it back," she cried. "Does that make sense because it doesn't to me and I don't know why I can't stop crying."

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked.

"I'm good," she said swiping at her eyes.

"You sure?" he asked.

"Don't worry…about me," she said.

"I do…all the time," he admitted.

"I love you too," she cried. "You deserve much better than me."

"I've always wanted you, Sara. Ever since you cocked that head of yours toward me and blasted me for confronting you in that bar," he said.

"You saved me," she admitted.

"You saved yourself. Sara, you're the strongest person I know," said Blake.

"Not right now," she sniffled.

"It's just temporary," he urged. "Get some rest."

She flipped the phone off.

She sighed out loud as she lay there watching the clock.

"Get up Sara," she told herself.

She pulled herself from the bed and glanced at the window.

She never liked a dark room.

Once upon a time, she did before she came to Vegas but after living years in the dark, she preferred to fall asleep in the light. There seemed to be too much darkness in her life.

She started to pull back the drapes but stopped herself.

Sara filled the bath water with bubbles and then stripped. She settled into the tub and closed her eyes. Her phone rang but she ignored it. She didn't even bother to look at the caller I.D. this time but continued to soak in the tub.

It stopped briefly but began again.

She sighed.

"Sidle…Williams…Sara," she managed to get out.

"Can't decide what to use?" asked Grissom.

"Just a lot to get used to," she admitted.

There was a moment of silence.

"Am I getting called in early?" she asked. "Cause I can…come in early…not doing anything anyway."

"No," he replied.

"Oh. Well, I'll keep the drapes closed. I would change bedrooms but…"

"No! Don't…it's not necessary."

"Look, Grissom, I'm sorry I slipped up. It won't happen again. Don't…cut me off again…please."

She gulped back a sob and she was sure he heard it.

She cursed. "Sorry. I need to go."

"Wait, Sara!"

She held the phone even though she could not bring herself to say anything.

"Best friends keep secrets," he said.

"Best friends?" she managed to get out.

"I would never confide in anyone else," he said. "That makes you…my best friend."

She smiled as she felt a tear slip down.

"So do we understand our agreement?" he asked.

"Agreement?"

"Wave to one another," he said.

"Wave," she breathed.

He glanced down and noticed Blake was still not home.

"I was going to cook dinner," he said hesitantly. "Would you like to come over…that is if you're not doing anything."

"Blake is working," she said.

"His loss is my gain," whispered Grissom. "We could…begin those cooking lessons."

"You sure? I mean, you don't have to…"

"I wouldn't ask if I wasn't sure. You're in charge of the vegetables. We'll start off with something simple," he said.

"How simple?"

"Are you coming or not?" he asked.

"I'm coming," she said. "Just let me get out of the tub and…"

"You're in the tub?" he asked swallowing hard.

"Bubble bath," she said.

She was there in less than twenty minutes. She wore her hair down and he noticed it was curly. She chopped away at the raw vegetables.

"You do that very well," said Grissom.

"I'm a vegetarian," she said. "I eat mostly vegetables."

"Vegetarian?" he asked acting as though he had forgotten.

"You were going to cook meat? You could do that…but don't expect me to eat it," she huffed. "It's your fault I'm a vegetarian…those experiments in the fridge…those deformed pigs in jars."

Her nose twitched and he hid his snicker.

"It's vegetarian lasagna," he announced.

"Really?"

"Really," he said.

"Oh…well, thank you," she said. "But you…"

"Blake's been pulling long hours," he said changing the subject.

"He's working a big case…no information…confidential…just know it's big," she said munching on a carrot.

"Is everything okay?" he asked again. "Is there something bothering you?"

"All the time," she sighed. "Hormones."

"Oh."

"Blake says it will pass. I don't like feeling this way. I cry at the drop of a tissue…gone through a box since I moved in the house and already half way through the second box," she whined.

"Oh."

"So…like I said or was trying to say, just ignore me…well don't ignore me… just my outburst...I mean if they seem odd…I uhm won't screw this up this time," she announced.

"Oh."

_Oh wait…_

_She thinks I'm going to stop…_

_No, Sara…._

_I couldn't now…_

_Even though it's painful…_

He realized at that moment it had been futile to hide from this.

Despite the pain, he realized how much he craved her attention.

She sniffled through the chopping of the bell pepper.

He tried not to notice as she swiped at her eyes.

"Stupid onion," she muttered.

"It's a pepper," he corrected.

"Onion is next. I'm just anticipating it," she lied.

He grinned.

He could not help himself when he pulled her into his arms.

He held her while she cried.

She quickly stopped however, as she stepped back, wiping his shirt with the dish towel.

"Sorry," she murmured. "I'm a mess."

"You're still adjusting to the pregnancy," he smiled.

She nodded as she hurried back to chopping the vegetables. He watched her for a moment.

"Sara, there's nothing that you could do that would make me…"

"I did before," she sniffled. "You said no and yet I couldn't take no for an answer and I pushed and pushed until… you couldn't even stand to be around me. I did that…I don't want to do that again."

"That was my fault. I made a mess of our friendship. I am not going to do that again. Okay?"

"You really mean it?" she asked.

"Yes, I do."

She nodded although he was sure she did not believe it.

Dinner was eaten and then cleared away.

"Thanks for dinner, Grissom," she said as she headed to the door.

"Next time I do vegetables…you can do the lasagna part."

"Did it come in a box?" she asked.

He frowned.

"See you at work," she said.

She started to walk away when he stopped her.

"Hey Sara?"

She turned.

"Don't forget to wave."

Note from author:

Wouldn't you like to live next door to Grissom….sigh…could use some cooking lessons myself…

Take care.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

**Heartfelt Gestures**

She failed at cooking.

Grissom glanced out his window but dropped the book he was reading the moment he saw the smoke billowing out of the house.

He ran across the street and banged on the door.

The smoke alarm was blaring inside.

He continued to bang but she appeared quickly.

She was coughing. "I put the oven on broil by mistake," she wailed.

He followed her inside as she struggled to pull out the pan.

"Let me," he said grabbing the pot holder and then rushing the contents outside.

They both stared at the pan lying on the grass.

"I quit," she announced.

"Sara, it was a simple mistake," he urged.

It was then he noticed she was wearing nothing but a bath robe.

"I was soaking in the tub and then the next I know the smoke alarm is going off. Let's face it Grissom, I'm not cut out to be a cook."

_Stop looking at her legs…_

_She smells so sweet and warm and…_

She grabbed the broom and began swiping at the smoke detector.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"It won't stop!"

"Got a step ladder?" he asked.

"No."

He took the broom from her and with one swipe, the smoke detector came crashing to the floor.

She sighed. "I hate that thing."

"That thing will keep your house from burning down," he countered.

"That thing wouldn't go off if I'd stay away from the stove," she stormed.

He smirked.

"Don't laugh!" she warned. "My hormones are on edge these days."

"Sorry," he said as he tried to hide the smirk.

"I just wanted to fix a nice dinner…you know. Blake has been working on this case that is…just…he can't tell me anything about it and…" she leaned against the counter.

"Is he alright?" asked Grissom.

"He's obsessed with getting this guy. He won't say it but I know. I know him," she said with arms folded.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she said. "Just fine."

He could hear the disappointment in her voice.

"Dinner meant that much to you?" asked Grissom.

"I just wanted to do something…right," she sniffled. "He doesn't complain but I know he's sacrificed a lot…for me. He gave up a chance for a great job in Reno because I didn't want to leave Vegas."

_Leave Vegas?_

_Not yet…_

_Wait until I'm dead…_

"Sara, I'm sure you've made sacrifices yourself…that's what you do…when you're in a marriage," he said.

She nodded slowly.

"Come on, let's try again," he said as he walked into the kitchen.

"Oh no, I'm not cooking," she declared.

"Yes, you are…after you dress," he said.

She self-consciously hugged the robe tighter.

"Are you going to try again or quit?' he challenged.

He knew she didn't like being called a quitter.

He knew Sara Sidle.

Within a few hours, dinner was completed.

She breathed in deeply.

"This smells wonderful," she said.

"See, you did it," he smiled.

"Thanks Griss."

The door opened and Blake grinned. "You cooked?"

"Yes, she did," announced Grissom as he discreetly handed Blake the smoke detector.

"I have a step ladder in my garage," he whispered for Blake's ears only.

Blake grinned.

"Stay for dinner?" asked Blake.

Grissom declined. "See you tonight," he called to Sara as he left.

Blake threw his jacket onto the chair as he took Sara into his arms. "You didn't have to cook."

"I wanted to…you are hungry, aren't you? Tell me…"

"I'm famished," he lied. "Sara, you don't have to impress me."

"I know that. I'm just worried about you," she admitted.

"Don't. This is just a tough case…you've had your share as well," he assured her as he held her. His hand caressed her abdomen.

"You know we're going to have to begin work on the nursery," he said.

"Not even four months left," she sighed.

"It's hard to imagine, we've been living here for almost two months," he stated.

"We've both been working a lot," she said as she placed the plates on the table.

"I want to talk with you about that," he said as he sat there eating.

She took a sip of water.

"Sara, you're pretty wiped out these days. You think you should cut back?" he asked.

"I'm just adjusting to the pregnancy," she explained.

"I just don't want you to overdo it. I'm gone most of the time you're here. I'm just glad Grissom lives across the street," Blake said.

"See, you have nothing to worry about," she replied.

He did worry.

He later left her asleep in their bed as he quietly made his way downstairs. He walked across the street and got the ladder.

The smoke alarm was put back in its spot.

He returned the ladder.

Grissom met him at the garage.

"Thanks Grissom," he said. "I don't know what we would do without that smoke alarm…and you."

Grissom chuckled.

"Listen, could we talk?" he asked.

They stepped into Grissom's house.

Grissom handed him a cup of coffee.

"Sara is sleeping," he said.

"She looked tired," replied Grissom.

"Grissom, I'm worried about her."

"Is there something wrong?" he asked quickly.

"She won't admit it but the pregnancy is taking a lot out of her. I'm in the middle of this case," he explained.

"I'll check on her," offered Grissom.

"I would appreciate that," Blake said shaking his hand.

He pulled a key out of his pocket. "I would feel better if you had this."

Grissom took it.

"This case, you're working on," Grissom began.

"Gonzales case," he said.

Grissom stared at him.

"Sara doesn't know. I don't want her to worry," Blake said.

"I heard a few things…from Brass," said Grissom.

"The Feds have tried for years to build a case against Gonzales…nothing sticks to this man," seethed Blake.

"I'll keep Sara off the case if any evidence comes through the lab for processing," offered Grissom.

"Thanks."

Both were quiet for a moment.

"Grissom, Gonzales is the type that is not going to go down easy," said Blake. "Cases like this never bothered me until I had a family."

"Are you afraid Gonzales might try to harm Sara?" he asked.

"I don't think about anything else. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to her or the baby," he said.

"You could remove yourself from the case," advised Grissom.

"I've worked on this case for six months now. I want this guy off the streets. I also know it's a career case. I break it and there's no limit to the possibilities. What would you do?"

"I wouldn't sacrifice the thing that means the most to me," replied Grissom.

"That's the conclusion I came to also," he said. "I'm going to ask to be removed from the case."

_You're a good man…_

_You really love her…_

"Still, I would like for you to watch out for her…and the smoke," he said with a grin.

"I'll do that," replied Grissom as he chuckled.

Blake headed for the door.

"Wait."

Grissom opened a drawer and handed Blake a key.

"Just in case, you need to get to the ladder again."

"Thanks, Grissom."

He stood at his bedroom window and looked into hers.

He could see her sleeping form.

He stepped back from the window as Blake entered the bedroom and he watched as the man pulled the only woman he had ever loved into his arms.

Grissom stepped back further.

_Careful Grissom…_

_You can't have what isn't yours…_

He stretched out on his bed and dreamed of her.

Days drifted by.

He could not seem to keep up with the pace as he rose from his bed and grimaced.

It had been a hard week at the lab and at home.

Blake had not been home much.

The young man had spent a few hours one evening in his home. Blake had been livid because he had been unsuccessful with getting removed from the case. He had practically paced a mile on the floor as he talked about his frustrations.

"I'm going to have to see this to the end," Blake said.

"Be careful," Grissom warned.

"Grissom, if anything should happen to me…"

"It won't," he assured the young man.

_You're supposed to grow old with Sara…_

_Have lots of children and make her smile…_

_My job is to get through this business of dying…_

"But…if anything did, I want to know that Sara will be okay," he said. "You know how private she is. It took me months to get her to talk with me…about her family…about you."

Grissom's head shot up.

"You think I don't know she loves you?" Blake asked.

Grissom's heart fluttered.

Blake watched Grissom's reaction. "I'd heard the rumors…she told me the truth. You were just friends…she wanted more but…"

"We're just friends," whispered Grissom.

"She was really hurt when the two of you had a falling out. Grissom, she's been so happy. I know that part of that is because of you. She has your friendship again. It means a lot to her…and me."

"Her friendship means a lot to me," admitted Grissom.

"Then promise me, you'll be there for her and the baby if anything should happen."

Grissom nodded.

He paired himself with her that night.

He watched to see if she had any idea about the Gonzales case. She did not seem worried.

She had teased Greg merciless during assignments.

He glanced at her while he drove.

"You seem in a good mood," he said.

"I am. Blake is going to take next week off," she said.

"Too bad you don't have the time off also," he teased.

Her smile faded.

He grinned. "That was for Greg. You've gotten the best of him too much lately."

Her smile returned. "So does this mean I can have next week off?"

"Of course," he said.

"We've been working on the nursery," she stated.

"Not too pink I hope," he frowned.

"Nope. We went with forest green with…" she braced herself.

"Sara?"

"She's going to be a soccer player," Sara managed to get out. "She always seems to find that spot just under my ribs."

"You sure, you're okay?"

"It was just a kick, Grissom," she said with a smile. "I'm hungry. You got any snacks in here?"

He frowned. "In the console."

Sara pulled out the pack of peanut butter crackers.

"You're the best," she murmured.

She munched on a few as she glanced at him once or twice.

"I uhm need to ask you something," she said.

He suddenly felt very nervous.

_What if she's going to pump me for information?_

_Do I tell her the truth?_

_What happens if I lie and then she finds out?_

_She'll be angry…_

"I know Blake has been talking to you about…his case," she said.

His stomach knotted.

"I'm not going to try to get information from you. I just wanted to thank you…for talking with him…giving him an outlet since he's being overprotective about the pregnancy," she explained.

"I would do the same thing," he answered.

She smiled.

"He seems a little more at ease…thank you. We've been talking and we were wondering if you would consider being the Godfather?" she asked.

It threw him off balance.

His heart groaned from the impact.

"Godfather?" he asked.

"Yeah…be there…help us not screw up too bad," she said. "I thought I would ask Catherine to be the Godmother."

"That would make her day," he said.

"So…does that make your day?" she asked cautiously.

"No…it made my night," he said as he took the palm of her hand and kissed it. "I would be honored."

"Really?"

"Really."

Her Sidle smile was in full capacity throughout the shift.

"Sara's been quite chipper," whispered Brass.

"Blake is taking some time off…so is she," replied Grissom.

Brass leaned in closer. "Gonzales case is about to break at any minute."

"Sara doesn't know anything about it."

"Everything going okay…with the two of you…as neighbors…and all of this?" asked Brass.

"I'm going to be the Godfather," smiled Grissom.

"What about me?" frowned Brass.

"I taught her to cook…and gave them a stepladder to disconnect the smoke alarm," said Grissom.

Brass chuckled. "I remember many charcoaled dinners. My ex never learned how to cook."

Grissom glanced at Sara. "She's getting better. The ladder hasn't moved in a couple of days."

Note from author:

Thanks for the reviews. I'm releasing an extra chapter tonight so please be nice and review each chapter.

Take care.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven:**

**The Sound of a Beating Heart**

Grissom had been up for hours.

There was no need for the alarm clock on this date.

He had showered and dressed but he remained in his bedroom where he sat in a chair with a book.

Once or twice he glanced up to see if she remained asleep.

It was unusual for her to sleep this long.

He glanced down at the clock.

It was already getting late.

_Her clock will go off any minute…_

He stood there and waited.

_Time to get up Sara…_

He watched as her hand flailed in the air, hitting its intended target.

He chuckled.

She sat up, throwing the covers off her slender legs.

He loved those legs.

She sat there on the edge of the bed for a moment as if trying to wake.

Grissom walked over to the window and waited for his morning wave.

She came to the window but there was no wave as she suddenly clasped her abdomen.

He bolted from the room, rummaging in his pocket for her key as he made his way over to her house.

He took the steps two at a time as he hurried into the bedroom.

"Sara?" he gasped trying to catch his breath.

She sat there on the edge of the bed.

"Grissom?"

"I saw you…what's wrong?" he gasped.

"It was just a muscle cramp. I slept on my side," she cringed.

"Are you sure?" he asked coming around to the side of the bed.

"I'm sure," she said as she stood but then grabbed his arm as the contraction threw her body into panic mode.

"We're going to the hospital," he said as he grabbed her robe.

"Wait. Let's give it…" another contraction hit.

"Let's go," he ordered. "I'm going to carry you."

"I think I can walk," she said.

His arm wrapped protectively around her waist.

"Lean on me," he said as they started down the steps.

On the last step, she doubled over.

Grissom lifted her in one fluid motion and carried her to his vehicle.

He held her hand as he drove.

"I'm going to call ahead," he explained. "I'll get Brass to locate Blake."

"You can't," she urged. "He's out in the field…on the case. I don't want to worry him Grissom…not until we know something."

He didn't like it as he sped.

He glanced at Sara who swiped at her eyes.

"It's going to be okay," he soothed. "You believe me?"

"Yes."

_Please God, don't make a liar out of me…_

He barked out orders once they arrived at the hospital.

The nurse had shoved some papers in his lap and he'd completed them.

He demanded to stay with her and challenged the nurse.

"Are you the father?" she asked.

"Yes, I am," he lied.

Sara glanced at him. "I am. I'm the Godfather."

She smiled through the pain.

He kept track of every contraction and was relieved when they eased.

"How do you feel?" he whispered.

"Drugs are great," she slurred.

He grinned. "No pain?"

"Gone," she said.

"Just try to rest," he said as he continued to hold her hand.

A few hours later, she woke to find Grissom's arm stretched across her abdomen.

He woke as soon as she tried to move.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Better than you," she said.

He did feel awful.

Through all of the commotion, he had neglected to take his medication.

"Still no contractions?" he asked.

She shook her head.

Grissom sighed as he stared at the monitor.

"She has a strong heartbeat Sara," he said kissing the palm of her hand.

A doctor stepped into the room.

"Mrs. Williams?"

"Yes."

"Any more contractions?" he asked.

"No."

"Good. I'm going to set up an ultrasound so we can see how the baby is doing. The heart rate looks good."

"If there are no further contractions, we'll hold you overnight and then let you go home in the morning," Dr. Roberts said.

"What caused the contractions?" asked Grissom sounding irritated at the doctor's lack of explanation.

"We're not sure. She'll need to do a follow up with her OB," said the doctor. "Right now, everything looks good."

Grissom saw Brass outside the door and he stepped out.

"How's she doing?" Brass whispered.

"Contractions stopped. They're going to let her go home in the morning," he said. "Have you located Blake?"

"No."

"Is he okay?" asked Grissom.

"He's in deep…too deep if you ask me," grumbled Brass.

Grissom glanced back at the hospital room.

"Has she been asking for Blake?" asked Brass.

"I wasn't supposed to contact him," replied Grissom. "He told her he would be out of pocket…on the case. She didn't want him to worry."

"What do you think?" asked Brass.

"I'm worried…about both of them," admitted Grissom.

"I'll try to reach him," said Brass.

"Have Catherine…"

"She's got it covered…figured you'd want to stay with Sara," said Brass.

"Thanks," he said.

"You okay?" Brass asked.

"I'm just tired," he admitted.

Grissom stepped back into the room and took his place.

By morning they were back at her house. She did not argue but went straight to bed. He slipped over to his house and took his medication. He was exhausted but he returned shortly with his book.

"Grissom, you don't have to stay," she said.

"And miss dinner?" he teased. "I took the liberty of ordering something from the restaurant down the street."

"They're good," she said with a yawn.

"I'll wake you when it arrives."

She knew better than to protest.

She slipped down into the covers and slept.

Dinner was served in bed and then she was back asleep. Grissom stretched. He walked down the stairs just as the door flew open.

He was relieved to see the young man.

"How is she?" asked Blake anxiously.

"She's fine," whispered Grissom.

Blake sighed. "Thank God."

"No working for at least a week," instructed Grissom.

"Doctor's orders?" he asked.

"Her boss's orders," Grissom replied as he opened the front door.

"Thanks, Grissom."

"Blake, are you here for awhile or…"

"Our informant was found dead," he whispered. "The case is falling apart around us."

"I'm sorry," replied Grissom.

"Grissom, thanks for being there for her," said Blake.

Blake ran up the stairs as Grissom returned to his home.

He stayed clear of the window on this night.

There was no need to watch over her.

He stretched out on his bed and faced the wall. He didn't recall when he fell asleep but he remembered when he woke. It was the tightening in his chest that caused him to roll over to the side of the bed. He grabbed the medication and took it.

_Not now…_

_Wait…_

_I need to make sure Sara is going to be okay…_

_Just wait…_

_Not yet…_

_That's it…_

He was thankful when the pain eased. It had been awhile since he had this kind of pain and for the first time in awhile he didn't want it to continue. He lay there and wondered how she had fared during the night.

_Blake is with her…_

_She's fine…_

_She's fine…_

He forced himself out of bed.

He felt different. He stood slowly making his way to the shower. It did not help. He grabbed the medication and placed it in his pocket before heading down stairs. He sat at the counter and forced himself to eat. The hours seemed to speed by as he readied himself for work. He wanted to see her. He wasn't sure whether he should intrude.

Grissom stepped out of the house. He glanced up at her bedroom. She stood there at the window. He smiled when she waved at him.

_She's fine…_

_My Sara is fine…_

Shift seemed to drag by. He had made an appointment with his physician and counted down the hours before he could be seen. Midway into the shift, he knew he was in trouble. He wiped his brow and sat back on his haunches.

"You okay?" asked Nick.

"Just tired," he said.

"How much sleep you got lately?" asked Nick.

"Enough," replied Grissom.

"Why don't you take off? We've got it covered," offered Nick.

Grissom glanced around.

"Take off," urged Warrick.

"You sure?" asked Grissom.

"I think we can handle this blindfolded," snorted Nick.

Grissom packed up his kit and headed home.

He passed out on the couch as soon as he arrived home. He was startled when there was a knock on the door. Grissom rose quickly but found himself off balance and he stumbled causing a lamp to fall.

He cursed.

He bent to pick up the lamp and found himself on the floor. The knock continued. He slowly made his way to his feet only to stagger toward the wall. He grabbed for the coat rack as he felt himself falling. He seemed out of sorts as he watched the door open and then Blake was kneeling beside him.

"Grissom!"

He felt fingers on his wrist. He tried to shake them off.

"I'm calling an ambulance," said Blake pulling out his phone.

"Don't," groaned Grissom as he struggled to get up.

"Stay down," Blake growled.

"Just help me up," he grumbled.

Strong hands pulled him up.

"What happened?" asked Blake.

"I just got off balance," replied Grissom.

Grissom's hand slipped inside his coat pocket but the medication was gone.

He glanced down and saw the bottle lying at his feet.

Blake immediately picked it up.

"This is…heart medication," observed Blake.

Grissom took it from his hand.

"Does Sara know?" asked Blake.

"No…one knows," seethed Grissom.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine. I just got off balance and…" he tried to take a step but could not keep his balance. Blake caught him. "We're going to the hospital now!"

Blake opened the door.

"I don't…want anyone to know," gritted Grissom.

"Sara's asleep. She knew I was going into the station. Just lean on me," he urged.

They were at the hospital within minutes.

Blake refused to leave him.

Grissom sat there while the physician rattled off his diagnosis. It was nothing new. "Mr. Grissom, you can't skip your dosage. It can wreak havoc on your system as you just found out."

"The latest test results...how do they look?" Grissom asked.

"There's no change…but there's no further deterioration."

It wasn't exactly bad news.

"Based on what you've told me, I'm going to adjust your medication."

He was in and out in a few hours. Blake stood there with keys in hand.

"You didn't have to stay," grumbled Grissom, not liking that the man knew his secret.

"You need a ride…home," he said.

"I'm fine….just missed a dosage," he explained. "If you'll drop me off at the lab, I'll get Brass…"

Blake grabbed his arm.

"You're going home," he said.

"That's not necessary," replied Grissom.

"Grissom, you're going home and staying home."

He didn't like the man at the moment.

He wasn't about to tell him what to do.

"Stay home for a night or I'll tell Sara," threatened Blake.

"No, you wouldn't" replied Grissom.

It was a very good bluff.

"You're right. I wouldn't," stated Blake. "How bad is the heart condition?"

"It's not worse," he said.

"But…it's not good either," Blake added.

"No…it's not," admitted Grissom.

"You're staying home," said Blake as they got into the vehicle.

"I wasn't placed on any restrictions," said Grissom. "My medication just needed to be adjusted."

"Stay home," he insisted.

Grissom said nothing.

"I won't tell Sara but I could talk to Brass…and Catherine," Blake threatened.

It was blackmail.

"Look, I have to go into the station on the Gonzales case. You can tell everyone you're staying with Sara for me," reasoned Blake. "You could…if you felt like it. I think she could use the company. She won't admit it but she's scared."

Grissom pulled out his phone.

"So you're going to stay with her?" asked Blake.

"Yes."

Note from author:

I think Blake is good to both of them… I'll post again when all of the reviews are in...


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

**House of Hearts**

"I don't need a babysitter," sighed Sara.

"I'd feel better if someone stayed with you," replied Blake.

He took her hand in his, letting his fingers twirl her wedding ring around and around.

"Blake? Is something wrong?" she asked.

"I uhm have to go into the office so I asked Grissom to stay with you," he said.

"He doesn't need to miss…"

"Sara, he's not been feeling well," he whispered.

He could feel her body tense.

"Is he okay?" she asked.

"It's nothing serious," he lied. "But you know Grissom…he needs to take some time off. He won't for himself…but he would…for you."

Their eyes met.

"You'd tell me if there was something really wrong with him…right?" she asked.

He didn't want to lie again.

"You both need some time to rest. Let him stay with you. It will help him also," he urged.

She nodded causing him to pull her into his arms.

"Sara, I know we said we wouldn't talk about this but…"

"The baby is fine," she said.

"You know…I would do anything…to make you happy," he said.

"I am," she said not liking the way his eyes dropped to the floor. She grabbed him by the collar. "You make me happy."

He smiled and kissed her fully on the lips.

"I've got to go," he said. "I hate this….not being here."

"Be safe," she whispered.

"I'll go next door and get Grissom," he said as he stood slowly.

Blake walked across the street and tapped on Grissom's door.

He was relieved when the man opened the door immediately.

"How are you feeling?" asked Blake.

"I'm better," said Grissom. "Like I said before…I just needed my medication adjusted."

"Good," said Blake eying him up and down. "Listen Grissom, I want to thank you for staying with Sara. She needs some rest and I think with you watching her, she'll get some. It'll be easier having someone to keep her company."

"I don't mind," said Grissom.

"I've got to go in," said Blake. "I told her I would come and get you. She won't ask but it would be good if you could…stay there. The guest room is just down the hall…past the baby's nursery."

"I won't leave her," assured Grissom.

Blake shook his hand as he hurried out the door.

He hesitated before turning back to Grissom.

"If anything happens, get in touch with me. I don't care about the case…Sara and the baby come first."

"I'll notify Brass immediately," said Grissom.

She rolled to her side when she heard the downstairs door open.

She smiled when Grissom appeared in the doorway.

Grissom held up his bag. "I thought we could have a sleep over…I just hope it's better than the one I had with Billy Daniels."

"If this is going to be a bed time story, do you think you could hand me that bag of chips over there?" she asked.

Grissom stepped into the room grabbing the pretzels and sat down on the bed.

He stuffed the pillow behind his back and began talking.

"I'd never spent the night with anyone…until Billy Daniels invited me to camp out in his back yard with him."

"Tents or tree house?" she asked.

"Tent…although we had this neat treehouse that…"

"Is this part of the story or are you getting off track?" she teased.

He frowned. "We pitched our tent…took us all afternoon to get it to work right but once we got it up, we threw our sleeping bags in there, along with a big supply of food."

He grabbed a pretzel and munched on it.

"As soon as the sun went down, we got into our sleeping bags and began playing with our flashlights…making shadow figures," he explained.

"I'm pretty good at that," explained Sara.

"Is this my story or yours?" he teased.

She rolled her eyes and grabbed another pretzel.

"Just when it was my turn there was this huge shadow that appeared on the outside of the tent."

Sara stopped munching.

He glanced at her. "We are best friends…right?"

"Yes!" she replied quickly.

"I uhm scrambled out of the tent and ran home…which was next door," he said.

"What was outside the tent?" she asked.

He glanced at her but said nothing.

"Oh, come on. You can tell me," she prodded.

"It was a…bug," he said.

"Wait, you…the famous entomologist was afraid of bugs when you were a child?" she asked.

"Yes," he said softly.

"Oh, come on….you're pulling my leg," she chuckled.

"My father made me go back," he said. "I was so scared. I couldn't let go of his hand so he just stayed there with us. We watched as the bugs hit the tent trying to get to the light. My father just lay there and named every one of them. After awhile we didn't care anymore and we went back to our shadow game."

"Did you spend the rest of the night there?" asked Sara.

"Yep…but so did my father," he said with a grin. "He was pretty sore the next day but he stayed."

He looked at her. "Did you ever camp out?"

She shook her head. "When I was in the foster care system, I spent some time in this group home. There was this little girl…she was always afraid of the dark so I started this game with her each night."

"Shadow figures?" he asked.

She nodded.

They smiled at one another.

"Got a flashlight?" he asked.

Sara pointed to the top dresser drawer.

Grissom quickly retrieved the flashlight and then turned off the lights.

She chuckled as he made a dog.

"That's so easy," she said as she made a flying bird.

They lay there making shadows for several minutes before Grissom sat back down in his place.

"Grissom?"

"Hmmm?"

"You know Greg would pay good money to know about the bug story," she said. "Good thing we're best friends."

He smiled.

He glanced down and saw that she had curled her body up next to his and was soon sound asleep.

He lay there, with eyes closed as he let himself pretend he was holding his wife.

He woke a few hours later and slipped from the bed.

Slowly he covered her and then made his way down the hall.

He stretched out on the guest bed and smiled as he drifted back to sleep.

She woke to the smell of pancakes.

He appeared with a tray.

"Oh, I could get used to this," she said with a smile.

_Me too…_

"Got any more childhood games you want to play?" Grissom asked.

She grinned. "Maybe….after breakfast."

He swallowed and wondered if she had ever played doctor.

Breakfast passed and they settled in together.

He grinned with a tinkle in his eye when she selected the next game.

_she dooesn't know how well I play cards..._

Grissom eyed her closely.

He could not seem to read her.

"Who taught you how to play cards?" asked Grissom.

"Warrick."

"Did he teach you how to bluff as well?"

"I'm not bluffing," she smiled.

"I'll call your hand," he said tossing in the last of his pretzels.

Sara tossed her hand down on the bed.

"Full house of hearts?" he gawked.

"Yep!"

She giggled as she tossed back a pretzel.

"Interested in going to Vegas to gamble?" he teased.

"I heard the place is a death trap," she snorted.

She plopped another pretzel as she laughed.

It was good to hear her laugh.

She brushed the crumbs off the bed as she tossed the covers back.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm getting up," she announced. "Grissom I've been in bed for hours now and I need to stretch my legs."

She started down the stairs but stopped when she saw Grissom peering into the nursery.

"Want to see?" she asked.

She opened the door fully and Grissom stepped inside.

"It's beautiful," he said with a smile.

"Yeah, well, all this is new to me…Blake's probably had more experience around babies than me."

She picked up a small plush Teddy bear and held it.

"You scared me the other day," said Grissom.

"I uhm scared myself," she admitted as she sat down in the rocking chair.

"How was the visit with your O.B.," he asked.

"Baby is small," she whispered. "She's not gaining much weight."

Grissom knelt down beside her.

"Maybe she's just going to be small," he stated.

Grissom held her hand. "It's okay to be afraid, Sara."

She glanced at him. "I am…all the time. I don't want to screw this up Grissom. I never thought I would ever feel this way…but I…I would kill the first thing that tried to harm this baby."

Grissom smiled. "You're going to be a good mother, Sara."

She didn't want to cry.

She'd done enough of that lately.

She stood, placing the bear in the rocker.

He followed her downstairs as she headed to the kitchen.

"Hungry?" she asked.

He chuckled. "Could I have some pretzels?"

"Sorry but I won those fair and square. Want a sandwich?"

They fixed some sandwiches and then sat down on the couch together.

Sara clicked on the television.

"Want to watch history channel or Animal Planet?"

Grissom made a face.

They settled on the history channel.

Sara leaned against Grissom as his arm slid around her.

He pretended to watch the television as he sat letting himself enjoy the feel of her body next to his.

It felt right, sitting there holding her.

His head rested against the couch.

He glanced down when her head bobbed over onto his shoulder.

He grinned as he gently shifted her so that her head lay in his lap.

_Much better…_

_I can watch you sleep…_

His hand gently stroked her hair.

There was a click and then the door opened.

Grissom's eyes met Blake's.

It should seem awkward but Blake gave no appearance that he was remotely jealous of Grissom.

In fact, he seemed pleased to see Sara sleeping.

Grissom started to get up but Blake stopped him.

"How long has she been asleep?" whispered Blake.

"About an hour."

"Any problems?"

Grissom shook his head.

"Blake…"

"We're getting ready to make a move on Gonzales," he whispered.

Grissom looked intently at the young man.

"Word is we have to act now. Gonzales is going to be transferring a load of drugs. We plan to hit him any day."

"Brass and I have a meeting tomorrow with the undersheriff. It must be what he's going to discuss."

"Sara may lose contact with me for awhile."

"Wait, you're not going undercover?"

"No choice if we're going to find the location. This is our last chance."

"Blake…"

"I know. I'll be careful. I have a lot to live for."

Grissom glanced down at Sara.

"You think you could keep her busy? She's been hounding me to go back to work. Give her another day and then let her come back…just to work in the lab…unless she's in the field with you. I wouldn't worry if she's with you."

"You think she's ready?" asked Grissom.

"Grissom, I could be gone for several days. She's going to go stir crazy here alone. She likes keeping busy…you know that."

Grissom smiled sadly.

He knew.

He knew Sara as well as her husband did.

"If you think she's ready," replied Grissom.

"How are you?" asked Blake coming to sit down across from him.

"I'm fine…like I said, I just needed my medication adjusted," he lied.

Blake stared at his wife's sleeping form.

"I uhm often wondered if she would have married me if…she didn't get pregnant. I wasn't the person she loved…first."

Blake stared at Grissom.

"She never would have married you if she didn't love you," replied Grissom.

"She doesn't deal well with loss…you know that."

"Sara is very strong," whispered Grissom.

"She's also very self-destructive…when she feels helpless," whispered Blake. "I just wished this damn case would be over with. I don't like the hours I'm away from her."

"She understands," whispered Grissom.

"It doesn't make it any easier, leaving her alone," replied Blake.

Sara stirred.

Grissom took the opportunity to gently lift her causing her to wake.

"Sorry," he whispered.

She smiled when she saw Blake.

"Bed time, Mrs. Williams," he announced.

Grissom was gone within minutes.

She was waiting for him when he reached his bedroom.

They stood there at the window and waved to one another.

The drapes were closed and Grissom stretched out on his bed.

"Night Sara," he whispered as he closed his eyes and recalled the feel of her body next to his.

It made for a sweet dream.

Note from author:

Please be kind and leave a review for each chapter.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

**A Heart Stops**

He reluctantly let her return to work after a few days. She insisted she was fine. Grissom knew Blake was deep undercover and it could be days before he returned home. Sara was not about to stay in that empty house alone. Grissom had showed up on her doorstep that first day and offered her a ride into work. They arrived together and left together grabbing something to eat on the way home.

He did the same the next day and the next. By the third day, however, Sara seemed a bit unsettled. It was the longest she had gone without any contact with Blake. She was thankful for work. It kept her mind from going crazy with worry. She was barred from going out into the field. She did not seem to mind at first, processing the evidence for the others.

Sara glanced around when she saw the board was covered with cases.

"Grissom, wait!" she called after him as he headed out the door.

He stopped.

"Look, you guys are buried. Let me go out into the field and help," she pleaded.

"No."

"Nothing difficult," she said.

She grabbed the slip from his hand. "What are you going out on?"

She frowned. "A robbery? Come on, Grissom. Why can't I come too?"

He stared at her.

He started to object but then relented.

She smiled. "I'll get my kit."

She slipped into the passenger seat. "One more night with Hodges and someone would have gotten hurt."

Grissom chuckled. "Is Hodges giving you a hard time?"

"He doesn't like anyone else in his lab," she muttered.

They arrived on the scene. Both stepped out. Grissom grabbed both kits but she grabbed hers from his hand.

"I can carry my own kit," she declared.

They wrapped the scene up within a few hours. She seemed giddy.

"Mind telling me why you're so happy?" he asked.

"Blake said he would have the case wrapped by the end of the week and then we start our vacation time."

"Have you heard from him?" asked Grissom.

"Not…yet," she said.

Grissom's phone rang.

"Grissom."

"419 on corner of 12th and East."

Sara smiled. "Got to take me," she said.

"You'll sit in the car until I can get a patrol officer take you back to the lab," he instructed.

"That's stupid! I can help!"

Grissom did not reply. He drove up to the scene, stepping out of his vehicle. He grumbled when she did the same.

"I'm helping," she said as she grabbed her kit and began walking toward the warehouse.

Brass stepped out and froze when he saw Sara.

He stood there nervously.

"Hey Jim," called Sara as she started to walk past him but his hand stopped her.

"I can't let you go back there," Brass said quietly.

Brass looked at Grissom. "I just got here myself. If I'd known I would have called you immediately. Get someone else…here."

Grissom looked confused.

"What's wrong?" asked Sara.

Grissom's gut twisted.

"Sara, stay here with Jim. I'll be back in a moment," he said as he hurried past Brass.

Sara stood there and watched him disappear.

"Going to tell me why you're being so…" she stopped. "Jim?"

She slowly shook her head.

Grissom reappeared.

Their eyes locked.

"No," she said forcibly.

"I'm sorry kiddo," Brass said quietly as he reached for her but she jerked away from him. Sara ran towards the entrance but Grissom blocked her.

"Griss?"

"It's Blake," he whispered.

"Is he…"

"I'm sorry Sara," he said.

"H….uhm how?" she managed to get out.

Grissom's eyes dropped to the pavement.

"Grissom, tell me!"

His eyes came to stare into hers.

"He was shot…twice in the chest."

She shook her head.

"I want to see him," she demanded.

"Don't," whispered Grissom.

"I want to see my husband!" she yelled.

"Not now…not like this," he begged.

His chest tightened.

He was not prepared for her to shove him out of the way. She ran into the warehouse and did not stop until she came to the blood drops. She followed them to the body that lay on the floor. His hand was stretched out as if he had been reaching for something. She noticed his wedding ring was missing.

Grissom caught up with her. He wasn't sure how to proceed. She dropped to her knees as her eyes stared at his lifeless body.

"Sara, I need you to come with me," whispered Grissom.

"I'm not leaving him…someone needs to process the scene," she said.

Grissom let her sit there until Nick and Warrick arrived.

She did not cry but sat quietly as if she were contemplating the scene.

"Sara, we have to go now," whispered Grissom. "Nick and Warrick are here."

He reached for her but she knocked his hand away.

"Sara, you have to let them…honey, please," he begged.

She slowly rocked back and forth.

Grissom extended his hand but she refused to take it.

He finally sat down onto the floor and wrapped his arms around her.

"God Grissom, this hurts so much," she whispered. "I can't do this…I can't let them take him. They'll put him in a body bag and then…Doc will…"

"We need to leave," he whispered as he kissed her gently on the cheek.

She reached out to touch him but Grissom pulled her back.

"Sorry honey, I can't let you do that," he said.

Tears fell but she refused to give in to the desolation as Grissom held her. The guys kept their distance while Brass talked in hushed tones to the officers.

Grissom stood finally and lifted her to her feet.

"Sara…you have to come with me…we need to get you…and the baby home."

"Baby," she whispered as her hands covered the round bulge.

"Yes, come with me," he said.

"Home," she replied.

He was relieved when she allowed him to lead her to their vehicle.

She sat there, hands grasped firmly around the small bulge as if she were protecting it from some invisible enemy. She leaned back into the seat, closing her eyes at the sight of the flashing lights and onlookers.

"You okay?" he asked worriedly.

She turned to look at him. "It's never going to be okay…again."

His chest heaved.

He had never seen her like this before.

He reached out to take her hand but her hands remained firmly locked around her midsection. Grissom pulled into his driveway and quickly got out, running over to her side. She sat there not moving as the door opened.

"Let's get you inside," he whispered.

She stepped out of the vehicle. He started toward his house but she refused to budge.

"Sara?"

She turned and without a word headed across the street to her home. Grissom quickly followed, finding the key to her house and opening the door for her. She walked in, going to the kitchen but stopped when she wasn't sure what she was doing.

"Do you want me to fix you something?" he asked.

She slowly shook her head.

"You need to get back to the lab," she finally said.

"I uhm I'm not leaving you," he said.

"There's no reason to stay…go, they need you."

"You need me more," he whispered.

She shook her head. "I need…Blake," she managed to get out.

His heart took a direct hit and he was surprised a jolt of pain did not follow.

Her eyes traveled upstairs and then to the couch.

She looked completely exhausted.

"You should try to rest," he said as he stood there watching her. Her hands caressed her abdomen.

"I'll go lie down…you can…go…back to the lab," she said as she turned and headed for the stairs.

He was unsure of himself at that moment.

He walked into the kitchen quickly and took his medication. By the time he arrived at the top of the stairs, she had changed clothes and was now in the bed.

Grissom pulled the covers up as he sat down on the edge of the bed. His hand gently caressed her cheek.

"You can go home now, Grissom. I'll just sleep for awhile," she said.

"You sure?" he asked.

She closed her eyes and refused to look at him anymore.

Grissom continued to sit there for awhile before slowly standing. He'd made it half way down the stairs when he heard the first sob. It was soft and low but then sob after sob followed. Grissom sat down on the stairs and swiped at his own eyes.

_She was happy…_

_Blake was a good man…_

_He'd taken care of her…_

_Now, she's alone and pregnant…_

He listened until he could not bear it any longer. He quickly made his way back into the room. Grissom wasn't sure how she would react but he pulled back the covers and slid in beside her. He gently molded his body to hers and held her as she cried. Hours passed and she continued. He worried about the baby as he continued to try to soothe her. Nothing seemed to stop the tears. He gently kissed her on the forehead as he laid there comforting her. His hand drifted down and found hers. She grabbed his hand, holding it firmly against her abdomen. He froze when he felt the small bulge move.

His chest heaved.

His hand made circular motions on her abdomen as he followed the movements of the baby. Her sobs had slowed to tears. Her breathing came in ragged breaths as she finally drifted to sleep. Grissom was content to lie there, holding her with his hand entwined in hers. He wasn't sure when he dozed but he woke to the sound of his phone. He gently eased himself from the bed. She stirred slightly. He quickly made his way downstairs.

"Grissom"

"How is she?" asked Brass.

"I'm worried about her," said Grissom.

"Doc completed the autopsy," he said quietly. "Blake was beaten…then shot to death. No physical evidence was found on his body. Nick and Warrick are almost done with the crime scene."

"Thanks, Jim."

"Catherine offered to come and stay with her," said Brass.

"That's not necessary," replied Grissom.

"You think this is wise? You with her?" asked Brass.

"She needs me," grieved Grissom.

"Yes, she does but she doesn't if you're going to…"

"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere," he said.

"Doc is going to need to know about the funeral arrangements in order to release the body."

"I'll take care of it. Blake left…some papers…with me," he said.

"Let us know when we can visit…I'll keep everyone away until then," said Brass.

Grissom closed up the phone. He glanced up the stairs briefly before hurrying over to his house. He grabbed the envelope and then returned. He was grateful when she continued to sleep.

Grissom sat down on the couch and opened the envelope. Blake had given him the contents a few weeks ago. Grissom had placed it in his desk drawer, dismissing it. He never thought he would have to open it. He pulled out a small envelope. It was addressed to Sara. He laid that aside as he flipped through the contents.

He bolted up the stairs the moment he heard the scream. She sat there clutching the covers.

"Sara!"

Her hands flew to her abdomen as she tried to catch her breath.

"Just a…dream," she panted.

He tried to catch his own breath as he sat down on the bed.

She glanced at the clock.

"Let's have breakfast," he said.

She nodded slowly.

He stood and watched as she pulled herself out of bed.

Breakfast was eaten in silence.

She glanced down and noticed the large envelope.

Their eyes met.

"Blake gave me this…a few weeks ago," he explained.

He handed her the letter addressed to her. She toyed with it before setting it down on the counter.

"Sara, he left instructions…in the event…I'll make the arrangements this morning."

"Thank you," she said.

"There's also his life insurance and pension…he had everything in order."

She smiled slightly.

"That's Blake," she whispered as she headed toward the stairs but stopped. "Grissom, thank you for staying but…the lab needs you. I need you at the lab. I want…the person who did this to pay."

"Sara…"

"I'll see you this evening."

She was gone within minutes.

Grissom stalled as he made a few phone calls. He stood at the bottom of the stairs for a moment and listened. There was no sound. He climbed the stairs once more and saw that she was not in the bedroom. The door to the nursery was open and he found her sitting there in the rocker.

"You sure you're going to be okay?" he asked.

"No…choice," she sniffled. "I need to focus on the baby."

_That's it Sara…_

"Yes, you do," he said. "Call me…if you need me…for anything."

She nodded as she continued to rock.

Note from author:

I'll post when all of the reviews have been posted so be kind and leave a review.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten:**

**Grieving Hearts**

He could not seem to take his mind off Sara as he helped process the evidence. The lab seemed particularly quiet as they sifted through each piece.

"No fingerprints, unknown DNA, nothing!" yelled Nick as he slammed the report onto the table. Heads shot up.

"Take a break, Nick," ordered Grissom.

"We've got to give her closure," said Nick. "She deserves it."

"If there's evidence, we'll find it," said Warrick.

"Brass said Blake was working on the Gonzales case," grumbled Nick. "That man has buried more men in the past year than any other drug dealer in Vegas. Blake should have been thinking about his family…not a promotion."

It was Grissom's turn to slam down the report.

"He was. He started working on the Gonzales case before he met Sara. He tried to get off the case…but he couldn't. Blake never put his job above his family. His job wasn't his life…not like mine."

He stormed out of the room leaving the others shaken.

Grissom did not stop until he was in the break room. He pulled out his medication and took it.

"Getting a migraine?" asked Catherine softly.

It startled Grissom.

"Grissom…we know how much you care for Sara. We're all on edge…we want to get this guy."

"I don't know what she would do if she didn't have the baby," he grieved.

"It will get her through this," said Catherine. "Sara won't do anything to jeopardize that baby."

"I uhm made the funeral arrangements," he said.

"Anyone contacted Blake's family?" asked Catherine.

"Besides an uncle, he has none," replied Grissom.

"I can stay with her," offered Catherine.

"I'm not sure she wants anyone around," he said.

"You spent the night with her," said Catherine as she watched Grissom's reaction.

He glanced at her briefly.

"I came by your house but there was no answer even though your car was parked in the driveway."

"Yes, I did… but then she asked me to leave…come here…she wants this case solved."

"I'm glad you didn't leave her alone. I don't know what I would have done without Lindsey when Eddie died. She's going to need a lot of support…does this change your plans?"

"Plans?"

"About leaving," she replied.

_I never want to leave her…_

_I may not have a choice…_

"That may be out of my hands," he said quietly.

"Look, if you have no intentions of hanging around then don't let her rely on you so much… it will hurt less…when you leave…too."

She left before he could reply.

They surrounded her during the funeral. Someone was with her the entire time. Grissom had sat beside her during the eulogy. He wanted to hold her hand but they were molded around the small bulge. Her hands glided over her midsection throughout the entire funeral and when it was over, she felt warm hands on her elbow, guiding her to a vehicle.

She stood there in the cemetery, expressionless.

Eyes studied her as they grieved for her.

She remained stoic.

Once it was over, she returned to her house. The others followed even though she was not in any condition to entertain. Catherine along with Brass had already stocked the kitchen with food and drink. They were surprised when she grabbed Nick's arm.

"I want to know…about the investigation," she said.

Nick glanced at Grissom.

"Sara…we're doing everything we can. We're so sorry…"

"Don't. Don't say those words…to me. They are empty…I want to know how the investigation is going?"

"We have little or no evidence," whispered Nick.

"His ring…it was missing," she said.

"It wasn't a robbery. There was nothing removed from his wallet," stated Nick.

"He was working on a case," she said.

"Gonzales case," blurted out Greg.

"Gonzales?"

Grissom groaned.

Sara whirled around. "Did you know about this?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked.

"The same reason Blake didn't," he replied.

"Blake couldn't because of his job. What was your excuse?" she yelled.

"He didn't want you to know," said Grissom.

She stood there fuming as she closed her eyes and tried to keep her composure.

"Sara…"

Grissom did not get to finish as she hurried up the stairs.

Grissom followed in pursuit.

She picked up their wedding photo on the dresser.

She began to laugh and it startled him.

"He was just like you…that's what attracted me to him...but he chose his career over me," she choked.

"That's not true Sara! He loved you. He…"

"Gonzales is a cold blooded killer…he jeopardized his life…our future as a family for…"

"He tried to get out of the case but he couldn't. Sara, he chose you and the baby over any potential career boost…he wanted you Sara…not some job."

The frame slipped from her hands and crashed to the floor.

She quickly snatched it back up despite the shards of glass.

"Don't…honey," he whispered. "Let me take it. I'll fix it."

She released the frame as she slumped down on the bed.

"Rest," he urged.

"I'm so tired Grissom," she murmured.

"Go…to bed," he whispered. "I'll make sure everyone leaves."

She nodded.

"Night," she whispered.

He knew she did not want him to stay.

He stood at his window wishing the drapes were pulled back.

They remained closed.

Days passed.

He would have used the spare key if it were not for the fact that she had been in contact with the others.

She called each day, speaking with Nick.

She posed the same questions.

There were little or no answers.

She appeared one night.

Grissom glanced up and saw her in the break room.

She turned and came face to face with him.

"I'm coming back to work," she announced. "I cleared it with personnel."

"You uhm didn't clear it with me," he said pouring a cup of coffee.

"Grissom, I need to work," she urged. "I can't stay there in that house another…I have a doctor's release."

He hadn't even asked for one but she had covered all of her bases.

He knew he would have a fight on his hands if he refused to let her return.

"Sara…"

"I won't go near the case," she added.

"Okay. I'll readjust the assignments…you can come with me," he instructed.

She did not say another word but headed toward the conference room.

"Sara?"

She turned and looked at him.

"The drapes…"

"The light…I don't care for the light right now," she whispered.

He nodded sadly.

She did well for her first day but said little to any of the others. At the end of the shift, she dropped off her evidence to Hodges and headed down the hall. She halted when she saw Blake's car.

Nick glanced up and saw her.

"An officer found it this morning," he explained.

She stared at it.

"I'll let you know if we find anything," Nick urged. She stood there staring at the vehicle. It seemed odd that she would feel so much emotion over an object. She had not even thought about the car until she saw it sitting there being stripped away.

"Blake loved that car," she said.

"It's a nice car," said Nick.

"It's just a car," she whispered. "But…I was sitting in that passenger seat the first time he ever kissed me. For no reason at all…just kissed me."

"He loved you very much, Sara," said Nick as he reached out to comfort her. "I promise, I'll take good care of it."

"I uhm don't want it back," she choked. "I have enough memories."

She glanced down the hall and saw Grissom.

She quickly turned and headed home.

Nick saw Grissom's concerned expression.

She turned down dinner, opting to eat alone.

Days passed.

Nick was waiting for her when she walked into the lab one night.

"We have a break," he said.

She tensed.

"Warehouse surveillance tape showed the partial tag of a black SUV in the area around the time of the shooting. Another vehicle fitting that same description was caught on surveillance tape at a nearby intersection. We were able to get the rest of the tag and run it."

"But how does that connect…"

"Officer was doing a drive by and noticed the man standing outside his vehicle in a heated discussion with some woman. He pulled over when the argument escalated. The officer searched the vehicle and found a gun…it matched the gun…"

Sara hugged him. She didn't want to hear anymore. It was enough.

"We've got him Sara. We may not be able to connect this to Gonzales but we've got the shooter."

"Thanks Nick," she sniffled.

She hurried to the locker room, sitting down on the bench as she tried to compose herself.

"Sara?" called Greg.

She quickly swiped at her eyes and opened her locker.

"Yeah?"

"We were going to go to the diner later," said Greg. "Come with us."

"I uhm can't," she lied.

Greg nodded leaving her alone.

She slammed the locker shut as she hurried after Greg.

"Hey, Greg…I've changed my mind," she said.

He smiled.

Grissom tried not to stare as they ate dinner at the diner. Despite the hell she had been through, she seemed well. There was some fatigue but her appetite was good. He was thankful for the pregnancy.

The times when they returned home seemed awkward.

She insisted on driving herself each day.

They would leave the lab and arrive at home about the same time.

She would quickly disappear into the house.

The drapes remained closed.

A few times he had ventured over there to check on her.

She had stood at the door being polite but firm.

She did not want his company and so he would retreat to his house.

He missed her.

He grieved for her as she struggled to return to some form of normalcy.

He would have worried about her health if he did not see the take out arrive from time to time.

_Stop worrying Grissom…_

_She's taking care of herself…_

_She'll do anything for her baby…_

note from author:

I would like to thank each of you for taking the time to leave a review after each chapter. It means alot. Things have been crazy here. Band concert Ugh!

Take care!


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven:**

**The Loss of a Heart**

She took the night off.

He sort of expected it.

He knew she would be present during the preliminary hearing against Craig Matthews. She sat there in the back of the court room as the proceeding began. Grissom sat down beside her without saying a word.

"Your honor, I would like to make a motion to dismiss this case on the grounds that the evidence obtained during the stop was an illegal search and seizure," said the defense attorney.

The D.A. quickly spoke up. "Your honor, Officer McKenzie stopped when he observed a confrontation between the defendant and a woman by the name of Margie Thomas. Upon that stop, he searched the vehicle when he observed something…"

"Your honor, what the D.A is not telling you is that Officer McKenzie was already looking for Craig Matthews and his vehicle. Once spotted, he should have called it in and requested a search warrant. Instead he decided to search it without waiting."

"The search followed the altercation between Mr. Matthews and Ms. Thomas. That gave Officer McKenzie probable cause to search the vehicle."

"I have a sworn deposition from Ms. Thomas that they were merely talking when Officer McKenzie arrived on the scene and asked to search the vehicle. When my client refused, he was arrested and then the car was searched."

"That's not how it happened," said the D.A.

The judge looked at the two.

"Where is the police video surveillance of the stop?" asked the judge.

The D.A. glanced back at Grissom and Sara. "It wasn't taped. The officer's video camera was pointing in the opposite direction…away from the…"

Grissom's hand grabbed Sara's.

"How convenient!" said the defense attorney. "Your honor, this was no rookie and yet, he didn't bother to get anything on video?"

The judge reviewed the information.

"Ms. Thomas is present?" asked the Judge.

"Yes, your honor," I am," came a voice a few seats from the defendant.

"Were you and Mr. McKenzie having words?" asked the judge.

"No, your honor," she said.

The judge glanced at the D.A and then at Grissom.

"Unless there is any other evidence, then I'm forced to dismiss the charges of …"

"No…no…no…" cried Sara.

Grissom grabbed Sara's hand as she stood quickly.

"Case dismissed," announced the judge.

Sara lurched toward the front of the court room.

Grissom grabbed her.

"Sara! No!"

"He killed Blake! He's going to get away with murder!"

Brass quickly came to their aid, grabbing Sara by the other arm as he and Grissom led her out of the court room.

"Sara, calm down," whispered Grissom.

She shoved his hands away.

"There isn't any other evidence. The gun…was in there…he shot Blake!" she yelled.

Craig McKenzie stepped out of the court room and smiled at them.

Grissom blocked Sara's view.

"We'll review everything again," he assured her.

"There wasn't anything…until the…car…there isn't…" Sara doubled over.

"Get an ambulance," yelled Brass.

Grissom grabbed her as she collapsed.

"Sara!"

She drifted in and out. The pressure on her abdomen was unbearable. Her hands slowly inched their way to her midsection. It was smooth and flat. Her eyes shot open as she struggled to get up.

Strong hands held her down.

"I'm here," Grissom soothed.

"My baby…where's my baby, Grissom?"

He breathed in deeply. "Sara…"

"I want to see her," she begged.

"I'm sorry…"

"Where is she?"

"She died," he whispered.

Her hand covered her mouth.

"Sara…"

She wasn't listening.

She hid within herself as he tried to comfort her. Her hands seemed lost as they drifted to her midsection searching frantically for some semblance of what kept her grounded. There was nothing left. She was adrift with no desire to return.

_Oh God, let me die now…_

_I've lost the last part of Blake…_

_There is nothing left…_

_No husband…_

_No baby…_

_No family…_

Familiar voices came and went but she refused to speak much less give them any indication she understood what was happening.

_I'm letting myself die…_

Grissom sat down one day and took her hand. "The funeral is today," he whispered. "Sara…You need to say goodbye. I could take you…bring you back."

She did not react to the news.

He quietly left her.

Physicians came and went.

She was poked and prodded.

She didn't care.

She wanted to curl up and die.

It didn't happen.

A woman came one day to speak with her.

She recognized the questioning.

The woman was a shrink.

She wasn't nuts.

She didn't need anyone to tell her how depressed she had become.

She didn't need or want anything from anyone.

Food was shoved away.

It had been a week and there had not been any improvement.

Grissom stood outside the hospital room as he spoke softly with the physician.

"Perhaps it would be best if she were admitted in a psychiatric facility for observation?"

"No!" Grissom boomed. "She lost her husband and child…she just needs…"

"Mr. Grissom, she needs medical care. She's deeply depressed."

Grissom glanced at the door.

"I'll talk with her," he said.

Grissom stepped into the room.

He attempted to take her hand but she pulled it away. "Sara, you've got to talk with me…they want to send you to another hospital…where they can help you deal with…the loss of Blake and…the baby."

Memories of psychiatric facilities as a youth stirred. She'd been terrified of them as the foster worker insisted on visits with her mother.

_I don't want to die in a place like that…_

_I want to die at home…_

"I… want to… go home," she managed to get out.

It was the first words she had spoken in days.

"Sara…"

"Please," she begged.

Her eyes finally focused on his face giving him hope.

He had her released within an hour.

She seemed frail as she struggled to dress, refusing assistance from anyone.

She did not speak again until they were in her driveway.

She got out of the vehicle and slowly made her way into the house.

Grissom attempted to follow but she stopped him.

"I…don't…want you…here," she gasped as she turned and headed inside.

He ignored her and followed anyway.

She headed toward the stairs but stopped midway sitting down.

"Sara, you can't even make it up the stairs," he whispered. "Let me help you."

She shrugged off his hands as she pulled herself up.

She managed to get up one step before collapsing. He carried her upstairs despite her protests. He pulled back the covers but she refused to lie down.

"You can go now," she said.

"No."

She glared at him.

"You were released…in my care. You have to eat Sara. I'm going downstairs to fix something…and then you're going to eat."

"I'm not hungry," she seethed.

"Eat or…" he stopped with his threat.

He didn't want to fight with her.

He wanted to hold her.

"I'll be back in a minute," he whispered.

He glanced back as she stared at the wall.

When he returned she was still sitting in the same position.

He placed the tray on the dresser.

"I made you some soup," he said.

He pulled the covers back and waited for her to slide into the covers.

When she did not budge, he knelt down in front of her.

"Sara, you need time to heal…and mourn. You can't heal if you don't eat."

She refused to budge.

"Sara, your physician recommended…psychiatric help."

She ignored him.

"If you can't…eat…rest…I'll…"

She understood the threat.

His heart crumbled.

He mourned with her.

She sat there in bed as she drank the soup.

He seemed hopeful.

She finished the soup letting him take it from her hands.

"I could stay with you," he offered.

She shook her head.

There was a tap at the door. Grissom opened it to find Nick.

"Nick…I'm not sure she's up to visitors," said Grissom.

"She called me…asked me to come," said Nick.

Grissom looked surprised.

He watched as Nick climbed the stairs. He then heard the bedroom door shut. Grissom hovered downstairs.

"I want you to do something for me," said Sara.

"Anything," replied Nick.

"Make Grissom leave," she said.

"Sara…"

"I need time alone…I need to work through this," she explained.

"We're worried about you. Sara, you're in no condition to stay by yourself," Nick pleaded.

"You…can stay," she whispered.

Grissom paced downstairs.

He remembered Blake's words and her depression frightened him.

Grissom glanced up the stairs as he opened the drawer and removed the items.

He was hurt when Nick asked him to leave. He assured Grissom he would stay with her.

He returned to his house and stared at her bedroom through his own. He hated those damn drapes.

He could tell the light was on.

He sat there on the bed and stared at it.

His hands shook as he let his own grief take over.

One quick jolt and he gripped the bed.

_Don't fail me now…_

_I'm not ready to leave her…_

_Not like this…_

_God, she's lost so much…_

Nick settled down on the couch as he watched some TV. He was surprised when she came downstairs.

"You should be in bed," he said.

"I'm feeling much better," she said. "Listen, you don't need to stay. I'm just going to fix something and then go back to bed."

He watched her warily. He quickly helped fix sandwiches.

He started to sit down on the couch but she headed back upstairs.

"Go to work, Nick," she called as she climbed the stairs not letting him see how much it drained her. "My neighbor is going to stay over tonight anyway."

"You sure?" asked Nick.

"Thanks," she called.

She got to the top of the stairs, dumping the sandwich into the trash.

She heard the door shut and she pulled herself back up.

Sara slowly descended the stairs as she opened the drawer and cursed.

Her gun was gone.

note from author:

Thanks to those who are being kind and leaving a review after each chapter.

Take care!


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve:**

**Heartless**

He waited impatiently for Nick's report. When he did not call, he glanced out the window and fumed when he did not see his vehicle.

Grissom flipped open his phone.

"Stokes."

"Where's Sara?" asked Grissom.

"She's at home. Listen, Griss, she seemed better. She came downstairs and fixed a sandwich. She told me her neighbor was going to stay with her tonight."

"And you bought that?" he seethed.

"I uhm…"

Grissom slammed the phone down as he hurried across the street. He did not even bother knocking as he used the spare key and went inside. She sat there in the floor with the letter along with a bottle of wine.

"Let me help you up," he whispered.

"Go away, Grissom," she said.

"I can't honey. I promised Blake I would…take care of you," he whispered.

She stared at the envelope.

"Have you read it?" he asked.

"Nope."

"Want me to open it?" he asked.

"No."

He sat down in the floor beside her.

"He wouldn't want you to do this," he said.

"He left me…I lost our baby…I have nothing left."

"Sara…"

"You took my gun," she breathed.

His chest tightened.

He had been right.

"Why…why were you looking for it?" he asked.

"I'm going back to work," she lied.

"Tomorrow," he lied.

"I need to work," she lied.

"Not yet."

She reached for the bottle, but he took it from her. He wondered if it had been full when she started. There was little left.

"Craig Matthews gets to go free…he took Blake away from me…and my baby. Where is the justice?"

"We're not giving up…I didn't think you would either. Are you going to let him win?"

She closed her eyes, praying the pain would end.

It didn't.

"If you want to get Craig Matthews then stop this," he said.

He stood as he looked down at her. "Blake deserved better than this."

She scrambled to her feet. "Yes, he did…he deserved better…than me. He only married me because I got pregnant."

"That's not true! He loved you…the moment he saw you."

_like me Sara..._

He helped her as she stood on wobbly legs.

"Sara…give us time…"

"Catherine never got closure…at least she has Lindsey," she said as she teetered.

_Craig Matthews deserves to feel this pain…_

_He doesn't deserve to live…_

_He should be dead…_

_He should die…_

"Let me help you," he whispered.

She nodded.

Something clenched in his gut.

He wasn't sure what to make of ithe sudden change.

They climbed the stairs together.

He glanced down and saw the sandwich in the trash can.

He yanked back the covers and she collapsed on the bed.

Gently he covered her.

"I'm staying," he said matter of fact.

She said nothing as she yanked her eyes shut.

She shivered.

He pulled out another blanket.

He lay down beside her as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Tomorrow will be better, Sara."

_Tomorrow I'm going back to work…_

_Craig Matthews is going to pay…_

She ate and slept and rested.

He kept a watchful eye on her.

When he was forced to return to work, Brass took over the watch.

She did not ask for her revolver.

Grissom kept it at his house.

He met Brass one evening outside the house.

"How is she?" asked Grissom.

"She seems good," said Brass.

"She's been asking to come back to work," whispered Grissom.

"Maybe she's right. Maybe she just needs to get back into a routine. It's been two weeks," stated Brass.

"I don't want her to become obsessed with this," said Grissom. "We may never have anything on Matthews."

"I think she knows that," replied Brass.

Grissom stepped into the house and was surprised when she was in the kitchen. She stood there at the counter.

"I uhm made dinner," she said. "Can you stay?"

He had not left her alone since he found her with the bottle.

"It smells good," he said.

"Your recipe," she said. "I borrowed it."

He glanced at her.

"I uhm went over…to your house. I hope you don't mind," she said as she began to set the table.

"Of course not," he said as he began to help.

He glanced toward the door.

"I didn't get my revolver…if that's what you're wondering."

He said nothing.

They ate dinner mildly chatting about the office.

He glanced at her once or twice.

"I uhm want to start back tomorrow," she said.

"Meet with a PEAP counselor and I'll…"

"Don't," she said almost pleading. "Don't punish me for losing…"

She didn't finish.

"I'm worried about you."

"I just need to go back to work…nothing more," she said. "You can pair me with anyone…keep me out of the field."

"I could schedule an appointment…tomorrow," he offered.

She began to stack up the dishes.

"Sara…"

She tossed a glass into the sink and it shattered.

"What do you want from me Grissom? I can't talk…to some stranger about how I lost…don't make me do that. I'm struggling here. I'll admit it…but I've done everything you've asked."

Grissom stared at her as she folded her trembling hands about her body but quickly not liking the feel of it, letting them fall to her side.

"Okay."

"Okay," she replied.

She stepped into the lab and was greeted warmly. Their voices grated on her bleeding heart as she pretended to be happy. She wasn't. She wanted to die but there was one task she needed to accomplish and no one would stop her.

Grissom tossed her a handful of paperwork.

"These files need to be…"

"I remember how to do paperwork," she said.

By the middle of the shift, she had completed the files and had begun assisting Warrick.

Nick passed in the hallway and she called out to him.

He seemed hesitant to stop.

Grissom saw the interaction.

"Nick, I need to talk with you," she said pulling him to the side of the hall.

"Sara…"

"I'm uhm sorry for what I did…I didn't mean to use you…actually I did but…I just…" she didn't know what to say.

"If anything had happened to you," he said quietly.

"I know…I know…I'm sorry," she said. "I know you did the best you could…with the case."

"It wasn't enough," he croaked.

"I want to thank you…for everything," she said as she hugged him briefly before she took off down the hall.

Grissom immediately went to Nick.

"She uhm was apologizing," whispered Nick. "I don't think I could be that strong, Grissom. She lost so much and…that bastard gets to walk. This job really sucks sometimes."

Grissom stared down the hall.

He knew she had slipped outside.

He waited a few minutes and then followed.

Grissom stepped out the door and saw her leaning against the building.

"Sorry…is there a case?" she asked.

"Nick told me what you did," he said.

"I didn't want him to blame himself."

"Sara…"

"The case is stagnant. You're never going to get this guy. There's no closure…I get that. I just want to work," she breathed.

She started to walk away but stopped. Her hand briefly touched his cheek.

"There never was any chalk," she whispered. "You've been a good friend, Grissom. Best friends till the end?"

He didn't like the way it was worded.

He kissed the palm of her hand.

"Blake used to do that," she whispered.

He was glad he was leaning against the building.

He felt a sharp pain in his chest.

He wasn't sure if it was physical or emotional pain he felt.

"See you inside…need more paperwork," she called as she stepped inside.

Grissom grabbed his medication and swallowed it.

_It's getting worse…_

He sent her out with Greg on a case.

It gave him time to hide in his office and lick his wounds.

Her words could be hazardous to his heart without the least bit intentional.

Days passed.

He kept a watchful eye on her.

She did everything perfectly.

It bothered him.

She had not shed a single tear for the loss of her child. It had not even seemed to bother her that she had not attended the burial. Part of his gut told him something was wrong and yet another part was just relieved he could keep his eye on her for at least twelve hours. She stepped into the lab and leaned against his door. He glanced up and saw her smile.

His heart reacted instantly.

"Brass called in a burglary…small time stuff…mind if I go?" she asked.

She smiled again.

"Go," he said returning the smile.

"He said it might be related to swing's string of burglaries. Mind if I take a quick check at their evidence files?"

He shook his head.

She started to walk away but he called her back.

"Hey Sara?"

"Hmmm?"

"You feeling better?"

"Everything is going to be fine," she said.

She quickly made her way to the evidence files, checking over her shoulder as she filtered through the files until she came across Blake's case. She pulled out the last known information on Craig Matthews.

She jotted down the information and then hurried out.

She almost panicked when she stepped outside and Grissom called her.

"Sara!"

She breathed in deeply as she turned around and came to face to face with him.

"Have dinner…with me?" he asked.

A faint memory came to mind of a time when she had asked that same question. He had said no and it had set off events that led her to Blake. She stood there staring at him.

_Be happy Grissom…_

Sara quickly stepped forward and kissed him fully on the lips. She quickly got into her vehicle and drove away.

Grissom stood there motionless.

_Something is wrong…_

_Something is…_

He breathed through the pain in his chest.

Grissom grabbed his phone and called Brass.

"Hey, that burglary case you called in," began Grissom.

"I didn't call in a burglary."

"Jim, I need an APB out on Sara's car," he said quickly as he rushed into the building. He went to the evidence room and checked the roster.

"Damn it!" he fumed as he noticed she had signed out the information on Blake's case.

Grissom flipped open his phone again. "Jim, I think Sara is going to try to find Matthews. See if patrol can locate him."

Grissom jumped into his vehicle as he drove away. He racked his brains as he tried to remember the details of the case.

_Lives on 7__th__ Street…._

_Drives a Black SUV…_

His phone rang and he answered it quickly.

"Grissom."

"Got her. She's heading toward…."

"7Th Street," finished Grissom.

"How did you know?" asked Brass.

"It's Matthews last known address."

Note from author:

Yeah....I know...the angst...be kind and leave a review...


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen:**

**How to Stop a Heart**

Grissom floored it as he drove to the address. He passed her car and quickly slammed on the brakes.

He cursed when he saw that it was vacant. He quickly left his vehicle and resumed on foot.

He approached the address cautiously as he tried to catch sight of her.

He saw a slight movement behind a tree near the house and rushed over. Sara stood there with her revolver drawn. Grissom glanced toward the house and saw Matthews sitting in a chair in the front living room of the house. He quickly blocked Sara's shot.

"Move out of the way, Grissom," she yelled.

"I can't do that," he whispered. "Sara, you can't do this."

"He took away everything I loved…he deserves to die…"

"You can't do this! You could never live with yourself," pleaded Grissom.

"I can't live with myself now. I want the pain to stop. It's not going to stop until this is finished," she cried.

"Give me the gun," he asked as he extended his hand.

"No!"

"Please," he begged.

They heard a car pull up. Grissom glanced over and saw that it was Brass. He approached her from behind.

Grissom stepped closer. "Sara…"

"Stay away from me!" she said.

"Don't do this. Don't, honey," he whispered.

He panicked when she lifted the gun and rested it on her temple.

"Sara, don't!" he begged.

"Hurts too much," she said as she closed her eyes.

"Sara!"

Grissom grabbed for the gun as he pulled her into his arms.

He stood there as she sobbed into his shoulder.

Brass picked up the gun and held it.

"That's it," Grissom whispered. "Just cry, Sara."

Her sobs racked her body as she clung to him.

"I've got you," he whispered as he kissed her tenderly on the forehead.

Brass stood off to the side for awhile leaving them alone.

"Come home with me, honey," whispered Grissom.

She clutched at his shirt as they made their way to Jim's car. Grissom placed her in the back seat as he joined her. Brass said nothing as he drove them home. Grissom held her tight wishing he could block out the last hour. Her actions had scared the hell out of him. He knew she needed help, but he could not bring himself to admit her. It could mean the end of her career.

Once they arrived, she followed him inside his house. She sat there on the couch while Grissom hurried to the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water and snatching something out of the cabinet. He placed the pills in her hand, and she took them without question. Soon, she was fast asleep.

Brass stood there in the hallway as he talked softly on his phone.

"I told Catherine we had to bring Sara home because she wasn't feeling well. I'll get a couple of patrolmen to drive your vehicles home."

Grissom thanked him quietly.

"Gil, she needs help."

"I know."

"That…was too close," Brass warned. "You might not be there the next time."

"There's not going to be a next time," said Grissom.

"Are you going to have her committed?" asked Brass.

"That would destroy her," grieved Grissom.

"What do you suggest?" asked Brass.

"She needs closure," explained Grissom.

"You can't give that to her…at least not legally," whispered Brass.

"She needs to accept what she lost," whispered Grissom.

"Could you?" asked Brass.

He knew he couldn't.

He couldn't imagine losing Sara and his unborn child.

He would rather die.

He knew that she no longer cared to live.

Grissom glanced down at Sara's sleeping form.

"I'll take a leave of absence," said Grissom.

"Ecklie isn't…"

"I don't give a damn about Ecklie!" seethed Grissom.

"Call us if you need anything," said Brass as he left.

Grissom sat there in the chair.

He knew that if he had not gotten there, she would have killed Matthews and then herself.

He leaned forward so that he was mere inches from her face.

"I love you Sara. I think I've loved you forever," he whispered.

She woke a few hours later as she bolted from the couch. She sat there trying to catch her breath.

"Nightmare?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Can I get you anything?" he asked.

"No," she whispered.

He sat down across from her.

"You lied to me," he growled.

She said nothing as she clasped her hands in front of her.

"You told me you were better," he said.

"I was. I had a plan," she said. "You ruined it."

"Killing someone and then…That's not a plan," he glared.

"What do you want Grissom?" she asked.

"Promise, you're not going to do that again."

She ignored the plea as she headed toward the door.

Grissom blocked it.

"I'm going home," she said.

"Fine, I'll go with you," he said.

"I don't need a babysitter," she seethed.

"Sara, look at me!" he yelled.

Her eyes slowly met his.

"We're going next door to pack an overnight bag," he ordered.

"I'm not staying here," she declared. "I can stay at home."

"You can't stay here…and you can't stay at home," he lamented.

"Where…am I going?" she asked.

"I want you to get well. You need…professional help," he whispered.

"Get out of my way, Grissom," she warned.

"We're going to meet Brass," he explained.

"You can't make me," she said.

"I...can. You attempted to kill someone tonight…that's attempted murder. I can have you committed by court order or voluntarily," he threatened.

His threat caused her to stumble backwards.

He stepped toward her.

She continued to retreat.

"Why are you doing this?" she cried.

"I want you to get better," he said as he stepped toward her. "You need to accept that Blake is dead and…"

"My husband is dead! I know that! I accepted it…I wanted to kill that bastard," she cried.

He waited until she calmed down.

"Tonight is the first time you've cried Sara since Cady died," he said.

"Don't call her that," she glared.

"It was the name you'd picked out," he said. "It was the name I listed on the birth certificate."

"Shut up!"

"You don't even want to hear about your own child?" he asked.

Sara felt as if she had been punched. "Today was my…due date. Blake marked it on every calendar he could find."

She covered her mouth to stifle the sob.

"You've got to mourn them, Sara. If you don't, it's going to consume you until there's nothing left."

"It hurts," she whispered.

"I know, honey," he said as he stepped forward coming within inches of her.

"I…uhm…don't want to go. Please, Grissom, don't do this," she pleaded.

"You need help…that I can't give," he said.

"I'll…go to…counseling," she offered. "You can schedule the appointment."

He shook his head. "No, Sara."

"I don't want to…go…to a place like that. My mother went…she never came back…Please, Grissom."

His hands reached out to touch her.

"I promise. I won't do it again," she pleaded.

"Counseling," he demanded.

"I will," she agreed.

They stood there face to face.

Neither moved.

"We need to get your things," he finally said.

Her heart sank. She knew she would surely die in an institution. The group homes had been unbearable growing up. They were cold and lonely. The few times she visited her mother while she was institutionalized had left nightmares of screaming tortured souls. Her mother had died there.

Sara would as well.

_I should have pulled the trigger…_

_I almost self destructed in Grissom's eyes…_

_I couldn't let him see me do it…_

She stepped outside, but stopped to stare up at her bedroom window. Grissom stood beside her.

"I'd heard that you might be leaving so I looked on the Internet to see if you had placed your house for sale…I found that house instead," she whispered. "Blake thought I liked it, so he bought it…as a surprise."

She packed a bag, not caring what she took. She started to return downstairs when suddenly she stopped. The wedding frame had been repaired and was now sitting on the dresser again. She picked it up, and stared at it.

_I'm sorry Blake…_

_I couldn't love you the way you deserved…_

_I couldn't even keep our baby safe…_

_I've failed you in so many ways…_

She sat down on the bed as she glanced around the room. She had been happy here. She had lived and loved, but most importantly, she finally felt as if she had a home. She felt the last piece of her heart shatter as she tried to hide the sobs. She wanted nothing more than to die at that moment.

"Sara?"

Grissom's voice carried at the bottom of the stairs.

"Coming," she said. She glanced back one more time before joining him.

He took the bag from her hand as they started back across the street. Sara stopped at Grissom's vehicle while he continued to the front door. He turned when she did not follow.

"Coming?" he asked.

"I thought…"

"You promised…counseling here…someone will be here with you at all times."

She stood there not sure what to do.

He extended his hand, but she didn't take it.

"Are you leaving…me, too?" she gulped.

His heart ached.

"No."

She threw herself into his arms as he held her.

"I'm scared, Grissom," she whispered.

He kissed her on the forehead as they went back into his house.

He placed her in the guest room which was next to his.

She went through the motions of living while he made counseling arrangements.

She ate when he ate and slept when he slept. She followed his cue not skipping a beat. A counselor arrived one day. Grissom disappeared while she sat there and spoke with the man. Grissom had chosen a man since he was sure Sara could easily manipulate a woman. However, the first time he stepped into the room and heard the man's stern voice, Grissom questioned his reasoning.

He was far too hard on her, and with each visit she was left in a pool of tears. She would retreat to her room, spending hours in solitude. He'd glance in to check on her and find her lying on her bed staring at the wall. It was a difficult time one day as the counselor insisted on Sara reliving every detail of seeing Blake's dead body. She retold it with perfect detail. When asked about her baby, Sara's memory was sketchy.

"I don't remember," she whispered.

"Why did you go into premature labor?" asked Dr. Roberts.

"I'm not sure," she replied.

"You'd been warned about stress. Had you not?" he questioned.

"Yes."

"And yet you pushed yourself," he said.

"I went to court that day," she said. "I wanted to see Craig Matthews held over for murdering my husband."

"But, he got off on a technicality," he pointed out.

"Yes…he did."

"How did you react?" he asked.

"I was angry," she said.

"Did that cause the premature labor?" he asked.

"I…yes."

"Your actions caused the premature labor. Is that what you're telling me?" he asked.

She nodded since she was no longer able to speak.

"I'm sorry. I didn't hear your answer," said Dr. Roberts.

"My fault," she whispered.

"What did you say?" he asked once more.

"My baby is dead because of me!" she yelled.

Grissom's head shot up from the front porch step. He could hear Sara running up the stairs. Grissom quickly ran inside.

"Sara!"

Grissom glared at the counselor.

"What happened?" asked Grissom.

"She admitted it was her fault that she lost the baby," replied Dr. Roberts.

He wanted to hit the man.

"It was not Sara's fault," he seethed.

"No, it's not, but she sees it that way…at least she finally admitted that she blames herself," explained Dr. Roberts.

Grissom glanced up the stairs.

"Mr. Grissom, you need to let me finish," he said.

"Do you have to be so hard on her?" asked Grissom.

"Yes, if I intend to get through to her. Mr. Grissom, Sara intended to kill a person and then herself. Most persons are institutionalized…or in jail."

The doctor stared at Grissom.

"We don't know if she would have pulled the trigger."

"The trigger at Matthews or herself?"

"At Matthews."

"So you think she's suicidal?" asked Dr. Roberts.

"Grief is very powerful. Sara has always been so strong…she never had time to adjust to Blake's death and then she lost the baby."

"I understand she's your employee," said Dr. Roberts.

"She's my friend," replied Grissom.

Dr. Roberts stood. "If you'll excuse me, I need to finish my session with Sara."

Grissom watched as the man went up stairs.

An hour passed and the man remained in Sara's room.

Grissom paced the floor below.

Dr. Roberts returned to the living room.

"I want to see her tomorrow," he said. "I want you to check on her often. If there are any problems, call me."

"Is she alright?" asked Grissom.

"Sara doesn't remember much about the miscarriage," said Dr. Roberts.

"Sara suffered from placenta previa…she went into premature labor. By the time the paramedics arrived, she had lost a lot of blood. The baby was delivered by caesarian…Cady lived only a few hours. Sara's blood loss sent her entire system into shock. It was touch and go there for awhile. I uhm had a priest to give Cady last rites. I was holding her when she died. I thought Sara would want that."

Grissom turned away as he tried to wipe his eyes.

"Mr. Grissom, have you told Sara about this?"

"She wasn't ready," he whispered. "She couldn't face the pain."

"She needs to hear it now. She wants to know about her child."

Grissom nodded.

"Mr. Grissom, how long have you been in love with Mrs. Williams?" he asked.

"I think I've loved her forever," he whispered.

"She's very frightened right now…she thinks you're going to leave her."

Grissom glanced at the stairs.

"I don't want to," he replied.

"Is there some validation to her fear?" he asked.

"I uhm have a heart condition," Grissom whispered. "I need for Sara to be okay…in case…"

"Does she know?"

Grissom shook her head.

"That could destroy her," said Dr. Roberts. "You're all she's got left…according to her."

"She has other friends," said Grissom.

"She considers you family," he countered.

"Then I guess I can't die."

Note from author:

Thanks to those who take the time to read and then review!

Take care!


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen:**

**Failing Heart**

She didn't come down for dinner.

He'd ordered from the restaurant down the street.

Grissom set the food on the counter and went upstairs.

He tapped lightly at her door.

It was never closed.

It was one of the rules, Dr. Roberts had insisted upon.

She did not seem to mind. At least, she could come and go and the door was never locked.

"Dinner arrived," he said.

"I'm not hungry right now," she replied.

Grissom hesitated a moment and then sat down on her bed.

"Dr. Roberts told me you talked about Cady today," he said.

She nodded.

"She was so beautiful Sara…she looked like you," he whispered.

Sara rolled over to face him.

"You uhm saw her?" she asked quickly.

"Yes, I did," he replied.

"I wanted to hold her," she cried. "I never even held her, Grissom."

The tears slowly dropped one by one onto the bed.

Grissom held her hand.

"I can tell you about her," he said.

Sara nodded.

"I was there when she was delivered. You're heart rate was sporadic because of the blood loss. You were losing it faster than they were able to give it to you. I felt helpless. You were finally stabilized, and they took you to intensive care. I was told Cadie's prognosis was terminal. She was struggling to breathe…there wasn't much they could do for her. She was rushed to the neonatal unit. I uhm called a priest. I held Cady while she was given last rites. She uhm died in my arms, Sara. I was holding her when she stopped breathing."

Sara reached over and wiped his tears.

"Thank you, Grissom. She wasn't alone," Sara wept.

"I've been keeping some things for you," he whispered.

Grissom went to his room, retrieving a rose colored box. He placed it in Sara's lap.

Inside, Sara found the hospital band along with the original hospital birth announcement. Her fingers traced the outline of the small foot prints. There was a small sachet that was tied with a bow. Sara glanced at Grissom.

"Cady had long brown hair. The nurse clipped a curl and gave it to me," he explained.

Sara nodded as the tears streamed down her face.

She picked up the photos and stared at them.

"They took several photos of Cady…for you. I was hoping you would be able to see her…you were unconscious…fighting for you own life."

Sara nodded slowly as she continued to look at the photos.

"I uhm was holding her when they snapped that one," he choked. "It's my favorite. Her mouth was curled into a smile…like yours."

She placed the items back into the box and clutched it.

"You were in no condition…for a funeral…so we uhm buried her beside Blake…just the unit…your family."

She nodded again.

"Sara…"

"Could you hold me?" she cried.

Grissom lay down on the bed and pulled her into his arms. They wept together. She curled her body into his. There was nothing sexual but a longing for intimacy between two persons who had loved and lost a life.

He woke suddenly and glanced at his watch. He glanced over to find Sara still sleeping by his side. He shifted, trying not to wake her as he tried to ease from the bed. She woke with a start.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't mean to wake you."

He stood quickly realizing he'd missed his medication.

"Feel like eating now?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Good cause you can reheat it," he said as he stepped into his bedroom. Grissom slipped out the medication and took it. His eyes wandered over to Sara's house. The drapes were drawn. The house seemed eerily quiet.

"Grissom?" she asked at his doorway.

"Hmmm?"

"Can I come in?" she asked.

He turned to look at her.

"Yes."

She came to stand by his window.

"It looks different over here," she murmured.

"Are you stalling…cause I'm hungry," he said.

"It's in the microwave," she replied.

"I was just teasing…"

"Are you uhm really going to leave the lab?" she asked.

"I've thought about it," he lied.

"Are you uhm going to leave…here?" she asked.

"I never want to leave you, Sara," he admitted.

"Do you have to leave…me?" she asked.

His heart lurched.

_She's clever…_

_Caught my avoidance of the question…_

_I might…_

_I pray you'll be strong then and you…_

"Grissom?"

"Friends till the end," he said.

She seemed troubled.

The entire day had taken a lot out of her. The five hour nap had helped, but she seemed exhausted and yet apprehensive about something.

As soon as dinner was finished, Sara retreated upstairs. He stared at the empty downstairs.

There was a knock on the door, and he opened it to find Brass.

"I hadn't heard from you in awhile. How's she doing?" asked Brass

"She's in counseling," said Grissom staring at the top of the stairs.

"Did I interrupt something?" asked Brass.

"I uhm…I'm not sure," he admitted.

Grissom climbed the stairs and cursed when he saw the bedroom was empty. He checked the bathroom and started to call the alarm when he found her in his bedroom. She stood there staring at her house.

"Sara?"

"I need to go home," she whispered.

He shook his head.

"It's the only home I've ever known."

"Home is where you're loved," he replied. "Home is here."

"Do you love me, Grissom?"

Her eyes were pleading.

He knew what she wanted and he wanted more than life to give it to her.

They were interrupted by Brass.

He tapped on the door frame.

"Came by to see you," said Brass to Sara.

Grissom left the bedroom giving them some privacy.

He quickly made his way downstairs as his heart pounded in his chest.

_That was too close…_

_You almost told her…_

_Why not?_

_I have nothing to give her…_

_I can't offer her a future that I might not have…_

He tossed his coffee cup into the sink causing a loud thud.

_This isn't fair…_

_She needs me…_

_I love her…_

_There's nothing I wouldn't do to make her happy…_

_Even kill that bastard Matthews…_

He had been so preoccupied in his thoughts that he did not hear them come downstairs.

"Grissom?" asked Brass startling Grissom.

"Is there something wrong?" he asked quickly.

Sara stared at him.

Their eyes locked. It was as if she needed something, but not wanting to ask.

"I was just leaving," said Brass. "I wanted to talk with you…about the lab."

Grissom glanced at Sara.

"I uhm going to my room," she said as she flew up the stairs.

"Was this a bad time?" asked Brass. "Cause it seems like I walked into the middle of something."

Grissom ignored his comment. "Is there a problem at the lab?"

"Ecklie wants to know when you're coming back?"

"I'm not sure," he admitted.

"That's what I told him. He wasn't happy…it made my day," smirked Brass. "I can't stand the bastard."

Brass looked at Grissom. "You okay?"

"It's just been a hard day," he said. "We talked about Cady."

"Did you show her the photos?" asked Brass.

"Yes, I did."

"Is that the reason she's been crying?" he asked.

Grissom nodded.

"I hear the counselor is a hard nose," said Brass.

"Did Sara say that?" asked Grissom.

"No…he has a reputation," replied Brass.

Brass let himself out as Grissom went upstairs to check on Sara.

She berated herself for confronting Grissom in his bedroom.

_What kind of person are you?_

_Your husband and child have recently died and you ask the man you love more than life if he returns your affection?_

_If he leaves, it's going to be your fault._

She sat there on the edge of her bed. Grissom noticed she had packed her things.

"Going somewhere?" he asked.

"I'm going to ask Dr. Roberts if I can…stay at my house," she said.

"Have I done something…"

"I need to do this…on my own, Grissom."

_I don't want to run you off again…_

_You're all I have left…_

"I don't think you should be alone," he stressed.

"I won't…you'll be across the street," she reasoned.

"Sara…"

"If he says no…then you're stuck with me," she replied.

"I don't feel like I'm stuck with you," he clarified.

"I'm…not going to...do anything," she said.

She sighed heavily. "I'm not going to try to kill Matthews…or off myself," she corrected.

"We'll talk with Roberts tomorrow," he said.

He fumed when Dr. Roberts was willing to consider her proposal.

"I can't watch her…if she's over there," complained Grissom.

"Mr. Grissom, it's been three weeks since the incident," reasoned Dr. Roberts. "If she had been admitted on a voluntary basis, it would have been for approximately a month, and then, she would have been referred to outpatient services."

"Wait another week," said Grissom.

"Is there a reason? Has she given you any indication that she may be backsliding?"

There wasn't.

"We don't know if she's not suicidal," Grissom worried.

"I'll ask her," he replied.

"Ask her? You think she's going to tell you?" asked Grissom sounding frustrated. "That's absurd."

Dr. Roberts disappeared upstairs.

He sat down, facing Sara.

"Are you suicidal?" he asked.

There were still moments when she wanted to die or be dead.

She stared at the man.

"Grissom has any number of household cleaning supplies that when ingested can cause immediate death…he only checks on me every hour or so…plenty of time…if I wanted."

"So you've thought about killing yourself?" he asked.

"Yes."

"He says you want to stay at your house."

"I do."

"Why?"

She did not answer at first.

She breathed in deeply.

"I've always loved Grissom….but he uhm never wanted anything except friendship. I don't want to screw up our relationship…I want to show him I can…do this…be just as strong as he thinks I am."

"Are you strong, Sara?"

She shook her head.

"Why do you think that?"

"Because I didn't pull the trigger," she whispered.

Grissom seemed agitated as he watched her carry the overnight bag down.

Dr. Roberts opened the front door. "Ready, Sara?"

She nodded.

She dropped the bag for a moment.

Grissom was hopeful she had changed her mind.

"Dr. Roberts says I can come back to work in a few weeks," she said.

Grissom glanced at Roberts.

She grabbed the bag and hurried out the door. Grissom watched as they disappeared into Sara's house.

He prowled around the house, unsure what to do with himself without her.

_She's next door…_

He climbed the stairs and checked the window.

Her drapes were still drawn.

He sighed.

He glanced at his bed before going into the guest room. He picked up the pillow and breathed in deeply.

_God, I love her scent…_

He stretched out on the bed, hugging the pillow tightly against his chest.

Note from author:

Welcome to the new readers...thanks to my loyal readers....all I ask is that you leave a review for each chapter...

Take care!


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen:**

**Heart Watcher**

He thought it was absurd, but he didn't care.

He dragged her pillows into his room and placed them on his bed. He was excited when he saw her drapes pulled back. He glanced down and saw that Dr. Roberts car was now gone.

He searched frantically for her, but she was not in the bedroom.

_She's probably downstairs in the living room…_

_Maybe she's in the kitchen…_

_She could be taking a bubble bath…_

_She likes that or at least she used to like it…_

Hours passed and he saw no sign of her.

He fretted as he watched each hour tick by.

He swallowed his medication as he continued to sit there on the edge of his bed.

_What are you doing?_

He decided he would keep himself busy. He continued to tell himself that as he walked downstairs, opened the door and walked across the street. His hand was poised to knock. He didn't.

_She'll think I'm checking up on her…_

_I am…_

_Maybe she needs this time…_

_Maybe I've waited until it's too late and I find her…_

He banged on the door with force.

She quickly opened the door.

"Sara, I uhm…are you alright?" he asked sounding a bit out of breath.

"You're subtle," she said.

She opened the door wide letting him enter.

"I'm sorry. I was worried about you," he admitted.

"I've been cleaning the house…making a list."

"A list?"

"Things I need to do," she said.

_I had one of those…_

_I threw it away…_

"Dr. Roberts said I should begin packing," she said quietly.

"Packing?" he asked.

"Dr. Roberts thought it was best if I…packed Blake's things…send them to storage or...give them away."

"I could do that for you," offered Grissom.

She shook her head.

"Are you going into the lab tonight?" she asked.

"No."

"Griss…"

"I thought I would take another week…then go back," he said. "I need some time to my…" He stopped immediately.

She knew he was going to say "myself."

It wasn't what he needed. He was just saying that in order to have an excuse not to return to work so soon and leave her completely alone.

_I'm just across the street,_ he told himself for the hundredth time.

Grissom glanced around.

Sara had neatly placed several things belonging to Blake into a box.

"I found some things that need to be returned…to his unit…some of it belonged to Blake but I…give them to his friends there. They could use the items. Do you think you could give them to Brass for me?"

"Yes," he said.

They stared at one another.

"You okay?" he asked.

"No…but at least I'm not lying this time."

"Anything I can do?" he asked.

"Not yet," she said.

He didn't understand, but then he was too tired to think straight. The constant worry had wiped him out.

Grissom picked up the box and headed toward the door.

"I'm glad the drapes are pulled back," he said.

"The house seemed too dark," she whispered.

_That's my girl…_

He thought she would invite him to stay, but she seemed rather anxious for him to go. Her eyes drifted to the contents of the box every now and then.

_Maybe the items were too painful…_

_Maybe I should help her…_

_She wants/needs to do this on her own…_

He returned to his house once again reminding himself he was there if she needed him. Grissom set the items on the counter. He poured himself a cup of coffee as he glanced at the box. His hand toyed with a few things in the box. There was a vest, some handcuffs, several old files, and some boxes of ammunition. He caught sight of something in the bottom of the box and lifted it.

The gun was loaded.

He wiped his brow.

Night came.

He wondered when she would turn in. He sat there on his bed and noticed her bedroom light was on. In fact, the entire house was lit up. The closet door was open.

_She's packing…_

He searched for any sign of her in the bedroom, but she was nowhere.

He cursed.

_You've become a voyeur…_

He glanced at the clock again.

His phone rang and he grabbed it.

"Grissom"

He cursed inwardly when it was Ecklie.

_Should have checked caller ID…_

"Brass told me you're coming back to work," he said.

"In a week," he replied.

"We're shorthanded," Ecklie complained.

"We won't be in a week," he answered as he hung up.

_That's going to cost me…_

_Who cares?_

_I'm dying…_

He headed downstairs for some juice. He'd snacked for dinner not wishing to cook, but he worried she may have not even bothered.

_Groceries…_

_There are no groceries…_

He grabbed the phone and dialed.

"Hey," he said.

"I'm good," she answered.

He frowned. "I didn't ask anything."

"You wanted to see if I'm okay…I'm still here."

"We should have stocked your kitchen," he said.

"Not a problem," she said. "I managed to find something. Shopping is on my list of things to do tomorrow."

"Oh."

"Are you trying to readjust to sleeping during the day?" she asked.

"Sleeping?"

"Grissom, it's 2:00 am," she said.

"I couldn't sleep," he admitted.

He was too worried about Sara.

"I was getting ready to turn in," she whispered.

"You were?" he asked suddenly.

He rushed up the stairs.

She stood at the window in her nightgown with her hand pressed to the window pane.

He did the same.

"Night," she whispered.

"Night," he gasped as he tried to catch his breath.

He watched as she flipped off the phone, turned back the bed covers and then got in. He stared at the house that remained lit up.

_She's scared…_

He rang her phone.

He watched as she reached for it.

"Yes?"

"You uhm left all the lights on," he said.

"I uhm…I'll…turn them off," she stammered.

"I used to sleep with the lights on," he lied.

"It uhm just seems different," she said quietly.

"I could come…over," he offered.

"No…no…I'll turn them off," she said.

She flipped the phone off, slipping out of bed.

He watched as the lights were slowly switched off.

_Great Grissom…_

_Just had to point it out…_

The house was dark once more.

Grissom cursed at himself.

He sat there clutching her pillow.

Suddenly, she flipped on the light, got out of bed, walked over to the closet and rummaged through it. She pulled out something carrying it to the bed. The light was switched off again.

Grissom sat there in the dark and watched.

He watched until he felt his own body scream from the fatigue. He placed her pillows around him and fell asleep.

He had not intended to sleep in. He rolled over glancing at the clock and groaned. It was not like him to sleep so late, but he knew the recent stress had placed an extra hardship on his body. He was popping more medication than normal and he knew it was a matter of time before he would have to return for a follow up.

Grissom sat up and glanced over. The bed was made. He glanced down and noticed her vehicle was gone. He practically stumbled down the stairs halting at the door.

_What are you doing Grissom?_

_You're not even dressed…_

_Where do you think you're going to find her?_

He told himself not to worry as he showered and then dressed. He took his medication and forced himself to eat breakfast. He had just finished when there was a tap at the door. He quickly opened it to find her standing there.

"Hey," she said.

"Good morning," he said eyeing her up and down.

She handed him a bag of groceries.

"I remembered you were running low on a few things," she said.

"Thanks," he said.

"I've got to get back," she explained.

She started across the street when he called, "Hey, Sara!"

She turned, tipping her sunglasses.

"Had breakfast yet?" he asked.

"It's 12:30 p.m. in the afternoon, Grissom," she called out.

"Oh, right…but have you had…"

"Yes, I did. I also had lunch…with Brass," she said. "See you later."

She was in bed early that night. He had waved and then watched as she climbed into bed carrying a book. He glanced at the book beside his bed and picked it up. He'd made it through a page before he was calling her.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Did you get some of the things done on your list?" he asked.

"Grocery shopping, balancing my checkbook, thank you notes, cleaning out the closets…visiting with one friend," she whispered.

_Must be something Dr. Roberts insisted…_

"Sounds like you got a lot done," he said.

"I uhm had most of it done by 7:00 am," she said. "Except…the friend part…I had to wait until lunch time in order to mark it off my list."

"How did you sleep?" he asked.

She hadn't. She had pulled one of Blake's shirts from the dirty clothes hamper. Even the germs could not hinder her from clinging to it. It had caused a well of emotions to erupt when she could no longer find his scent in anything. It was as if he was slowly being erased.

The nightmares came. She woke to the sound of herself screaming. She lay there panting as she clutched at the shirt, but it was no comfort. She had ran down the stairs, threw open the door and ran bare foot to Grissom's, but she stopped when her feet touched the driveway.

She sat down on the edge of his driveway burying her face in her hands as she cried.

"Sara?"

"Hmmm?"

"How did you sleep?" he asked again.

"I think I should try sleeping during the day…get used to graveyard hours again," she whispered.

"Nightmares?" he asked.

She gulped. "Some cases used to give me nightmares…they stopped when I married Blake."

_Sorry, honey…_

"Want to come over here?" he asked.

"No…no…I uhm…it was just the first night back. It'll be better tonight. I'm tired…probably will fall right off to sleep."

Hours passed and he noticed her light remained on.

_Maybe she's sleeping with the light on…_

_Probably would have slept better last night if I had kept my mouth shut…_

He wanted to call and check on her but worried he might wake her.

He lay there until he dozed himself.

Her drapes were open still when he woke, but once again, her bed was made and she was nowhere to be seen.

She remained a recluse at least from his sight throughout the day and into the next night. He was about to go over there when she finally appeared at her window. She waved at him, and he thought to call her, but she flipped off her light.

He had just gone an entire day without a single word from her.

He missed her.

Her pillow was losing its scent.

He woke early that morning. He glanced at the clock and thought that she would still be sleeping this time, but the bed was empty.

He stepped out onto the front lawn and picked up his paper.

It was then he noticed her.

"Sara, why are you sitting on the curb?" he asked.

"Dr. Roberts is coming today," she said.

"Is anything wrong?" he asked.

"I haven't finished packing," she said.

"Sara, you've only been back…"

"He said I couldn't return to work until I…packed everything away and…put it behind me."

"Can I help?" he asked.

"I can't do the nursery," she sniffled. "I've tried."

It pained him to see her hurting.

"Let's have breakfast," he urged.

She slowly shook her head.

"Come inside," he offered.

"I'll uhm go home," she said.

"You could keep me company while I eat," he almost begged.

She shook her head once more.

He watched her scurry back to her side of the street, thrusting open the door and closing it behind her.

He ate in lightning speed, rushing over to knock on her door, but she did not answer.

He waited a few minutes and then knocked again.

"Is she not answering?" asked Dr. Roberts.

Grissom whirled around. "She's probably just packing."

"She's not finished yet?" he asked.

"She's working on the nursery," replied Grissom.

"What's the problem?" asked Dr. Roberts.

"Isn't this being heartless…making her pack Blake's and the baby's things away?" asked Grissom angrily.

"Mr. Grissom, the packing is a way of putting it behind her…giving the things away…is a way of letting go."

"You shouldn't push her," he scowled.

"Has she been following the rules?" asked Dr. Roberts.

"I don't know the rules," shot back Grissom.

"Has she been over to your house?" he asked.

Grissom stared at him. "You told her she couldn't come to my house?"

"She can't depend on you. She has to do it on her own."

"That's bullshit!" yelled Grissom.

"How's the heart?" asked Dr. Roberts.

Grissom fumed. "That's confidential."

"Only if I'm counseling you," he shot back. "So when do you want me to schedule your first appointment?"

"I don't need counseling," gritted Grissom as his heart did a dance in his chest.

"Mr. Grissom, you probably need it more than she does," he said.

"How so?"

"Because she's trying to remain with the living, and you're just standing around waiting to die."

"No, I'm not," he seethed. "I would appreciate it if you would not discuss my medical condition out in the open."

"Afraid Sara is going to hear? Afraid it will send her over the edge? It will, because whether you like it or not…you are the only family she has left…and I'm not sure she can handle another loss."

Grissom felt as if he'd been kicked in the gut.

"I would never intentionally hurt her," whispered Grissom.

"Then get her back into a normal routine. Surround her with other people, prepare her this time for the loss…let's face it. I did some research on your medication. It's a last ditch effort to repair some damage to the main arteries. You'd be better off having the surgery…odds or no odds. You are a walking dead man without it."

"I'm giving my body time…increase the odds…"

"You're playing Russian Roulette with your life. The odds are not going to get any better."

"You…say… I should prepare her…then how can I if you're making her stay away?"

"Does this mean you're going to tell her, or are you going to give her a false sense of security only to swipe it out from under her?"

Grissom hated the man.

Grissom banged on the door again.

The door was thrust open.

It looked as if she had just woken.

"Did we wake you?" asked Grissom.

"I'm sorry. I must have fallen asleep," she said glancing back and forth between the two men.

"Let's see what you've done," said Dr. Roberts as he stepped into the house without invitation.

"May I come in?" asked Grissom softly. Sara quickly glanced at Dr. Roberts.

"If you don't mind waiving confidentiality," stated Dr. Roberts as he continued to look around.

Grissom waited.

She opened the door wide.

Grissom stepped into the house. There were several moving boxes stacked against the wall.

"Looks like you've been busy," said Dr. Roberts. "Let's take a look upstairs."

Note from author:

I'm like Grissom. I want to hit Dr. Roberts also…but…she needs to move on…so do we so leave a review.

Take care


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen:**

**Catharsis of the Heart**

Dr. Roberts headed up the stairs without waiting for Sara.

Sara started to follow Dr. Roberts but hesitated.

"I could wait…down here," Grissom offered. "Or come back when…"

"No…you can come," she pouted. "He's uhm not going to find much done…up there."

_I understand Sara…_

_I'm not sure I could pack away the baby's things so soon…_

_Bastard…_

"Sara," called Dr. Roberts.

He saw her cringe inwardly.

She walked into her bedroom to find him inspecting the closet.

"Looks good," he said. He glanced over at the bed, taking notice of the shirt shoved under the pillow. He looked at her.

She said nothing as he pulled it out.

She refused to look in Grissom's direction.

"Is this yours?" he asked.

She bit down on her lower lip.

There was no need to reply.

It was a man's shirt.

It was Blake's.

Dr. Roberts took the shirt and placed it in a box sitting on the bed.

He then walked into the next room.

Sara slumped down on the bed.

Grissom pulled out the shirt and placed it back under her pillow.

"When my father died, my mother kept one of his robes…for years."

Sara glanced at him as she took the shirt and put it back in the box.

"It doesn't work…anyway," she barely said above a whisper.

His heart pounded in his chest.

"Sara," called Dr. Roberts.

She walked into the nursery.

"You haven't done anything with this room," Dr. Roberts said.

"Someone…is coming tomorrow…to take everything away," she lied.

"Great. I'll check back with you tomorrow afternoon. Let's review the list," he said.

Grissom fought back the strong urge to hit him as Sara's eyes wandered around the nursery.

Dr. Roberts rattled off the rules.

They were basic.

_Eat, sleep, keep busy, spend time outside the house, visit friends…_

He wondered if she had met with Brass again.

He clenched his teeth when Dr. Roberts questioned her about the amount of sleep she was getting.

"I'm still trying to adjust…I need to readjust to the graveyard shift…for when I go back to work," she explained.

"That depends on our agreement," he said.

"Couldn't I go back to work…next week?" she asked.

Grissom and Dr. Roberts stared at one another.

It had never occurred to Grissom until that moment why there was a rush on Sara's part to return to work.

_She knows I'm going back to work soon, and she'll really be alone…_

"I don't see any reason why Sara can't return to work," said Grissom.

_Tell me, I did not just say that…_

"Tomorrow," Dr. Roberts said. "I'll have an answer for you tomorrow."

He was gone within seconds.

Sara let out a huge sigh.

"I hate him," she gulped.

"Me too," said Grissom.

Sara slid onto the couch.

"He's not going to let me return," she lamented.

"You heard him," said Grissom. "Tomorrow, he'll…"

"Tomorrow he will get here and see that I lied. There's no one coming to take the baby's things."

"I'll do it," he said. "I'll box everything up right now and…"

"You uhm can't help me," she said. "Dr. Roberts says you're my enabler."

"I am not!"

_shit…_

"Let's uhm go to the park," offered Grissom. "It's a nice day for a drive."

"I uhm can't. I need…"

"Just a few hours," he urged. "You need to get out."

Sara glanced around the house.

_Maybe getting out will help with the nightmares…_

"I'll get my jacket," she said. As soon as Sara headed upstairs, Grissom pulled out his phone.

"I need a favor," whispered Grissom.

"It better be good," yawned Catherine.

They took a long drive out toward the desert, stopping for a short walk. It did both of them good to get outdoors.

They stopped off at a small out of the way restaurant.

He was glad to see her appetite was good.

Five hours later they were back at her house.

"Mind if I come in for a quick cup of coffee?" asked Grissom. "I know you've got some of Greg's special brew."

They stepped into the house, but Sara stopped abruptly when she noticed all of the boxes were gone.

"What…"

"I had Catherine and Warrick come over. They put the boxes in storage for you."

"Oh," she managed to get out.

"They uhm also packed away the nursery," said Grissom softly.

"The nursery is gone?" she asked.

"Technically, I did not help you. Catherine and Warrick…"

He did not finish as she ran up the stairs. He quickly followed after her.

She stood there staring at the empty room.

"I'm sorry Sara if I did anything…"

"No, uhm it had to be done."

"It's waiting in storage…someday you may want…need it…again," he whispered.

She shook her head violently. "I'll never need it. That dream is gone forever."

"Sara…"

"Could I give you a rain check on the coffee? I'm pretty tired," she said.

"Sure. I'll let myself out." He glanced back at her. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Night," she said.

"Night."

Grissom sat on his bed as he stared into her room. He had berated himself over and over for removing the things from the nursery.

_Maybe she needed to do it herself…_

_Put it behind her…_

_How can she ever put this behind her?_

His hand swiped through his hair.

He opened the top drawer of his dresser and removed the photo. It was the photo of himself and Cady.

_So beautiful…_

_So much like her mother…_

His shoulder shook as he sat there with the photo in his hand. He had not even noticed that she was now standing in front of her window.

His phone rang, and he quickly put the photo away.

He took a deep breath before he answered.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Turning in already?" he asked.

"I wanted to thank you…for…what you did," she said.

"Sara…"

"Brass said you might have to return to work at the end of the week…rather than take off another week," she said.

"I haven't decided," he said.

"Is there something wrong?" she asked.

_I don't want to leave you completely alone…_

"No…I just like to do the opposite of what Ecklie wants," he teased.

"I'm pretty sure Dr. Roberts is going to insist that I stay off for another week. Could I come back to work…with you?" she asked.

"Sara, you can't return to work unless he releases you," said Grissom.

"I'd stay in the lab," she offered.

"I'm not sure he would agree to it," replied Grissom.

She was quiet.

"Sara?"

"Yes?"

"How much sleep are you getting?" he asked.

She was glad he was not there to see her fidget.

"I'm sleeping at different hours," she said.

"Did you tell Dr. Roberts about the nightmares?" he asked.

"No."

"Maybe it would help…if you did," replied Grissom.

"Maybe he'll give me sleeping pills…I don't want them," she explained.

"Talk…with me…about them," said Grissom.

"They're just nightmares," she said trying to avoid the conversation.

"Sooner or later, Dr. Roberts is going to find out about the sleeping problems," he warned.

"I'm sleeping," she said sounding irritated.

"I didn't mean to upset you," he said quickly.

"I'm not upset!" she yelled. "I'm not some nut case that's going to go off as soon as…"

"You're not," he said loudly.

The line was quiet for several minutes.

Grissom was at a loss of words.

"I'm sorry Griss. I'm just tired," she finally said. "Night."

"Sara…"

He heard the click of the phone.

He watched as pillows were tossed about and then the drapes fell hiding the room.

He cursed inwardly.

Immediately the drapes were pulled back.

He was relieved.

The house became dark.

Grissom sat there for awhile not sure what to make of her outburst.

An hour passed.

He knew she was not asleep.

He phoned her.

She flipped open the phone.

"We uhm already said good night," she said.

"I can't sleep," he said.

"Why not?" she asked rolling over to face the window.

"Friends should not go to sleep mad," he said.

"I'm not. I'm sorry I snapped at you. I just need sleep," she admitted.

"I had a nice evening," he said. "Thank you for going with me."

"I'll uhm call Catherine and Warrick tomorrow," she breathed. "To thank them for putting the things in storage."

"When my father died, I had trouble sleeping. I'd always slept in my own room, but…the house felt different…after he died. My mother used to come into my room and remind me that he wasn't really gone…as long as we remembered him."

The line was quiet.

"Sara?"

"The house is different. It never bothered me that Blake was gone so much because I knew he was coming back…he's not coming home…he used to remind me that I wasn't really alone…I had Cady. I miss the feel of Cady inside me. I miss my family," she cried.

"I'm here Sara," he managed to get out.

"Would you sleep with me?" she asked.

Note from author:

I know...now you want another chapter...sorry...but I felt compelled since those that have been reviewing every day needed a little something more...

take care.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen:**

**Hole in My Heart**

He almost dropped the phone.

He remembered a similar conversation when Sara had asked those same words. She could not sleep because of an unsolved murder case in which the abusive husband had killed his wife.

"I'm sorry," she blurted out. "I'll see you in the morning."

Her phone clicked off.

Grissom sat there on the edge of the bed as he stared at the house across the street.

He stretched out on his bed, staring up at the ceiling.

He could not imagine living through such a loss. It was difficult for him just to accept the death of Sara's child.

_Blake's child…_

_Not mine…_

_I mourn no less…_

He slipped on his shoes as he grabbed a few things. He had no idea what he was doing or what he would say. He merely stepped into her house and into her bed.

His body molded to hers as his arms embraced her.

"I'll watch over you while you sleep," he whispered.

"The dreams will come," she gulped.

"Want to talk about them?" he asked.

"No."

"Sometimes it helps."

She shivered not from cold but from fear.

"I dream I'm at this funeral," she cried.

"Blake's?"

"Yours."

He froze.

"I saw you…not Blake. I wanted to crawl into the casket with you."

His voice failed him.

He held her tight as she closed her eyes.

He lay there not moving, content to just hold her.

It was the light coming from the window that woke him. He started to roll but his arm was numb. He would have panicked had he not seen the long slender legs entwined with his. Grissom gently shifted but she clutched at his shirt. His hand gently covered hers.

He glanced at the clock and smiled when he saw that they had managed to sleep seven hours. There was a knock downstairs and he gently slid out of the bed. He glanced out the window and saw that it was Brass.

Grissom gently closed the bedroom door and walked down stairs. Brass looked surprised when he opened the door in his pajamas.

Grissom wrapped his robe around him as he let Brass inside.

"I could ask you why you're here dressed like that but I think it would only lead to more questions," huffed Brass.

"She's been having problems sleeping," explained Grissom.

"So you decided to have a sleep over?" asked Brass.

"Sleep…nothing more," said Grissom.

"Maybe not to you but to Sara…she's way too vulnerable for you to be playing head games with her," seethed Brass.

"I'm not," replied Grissom.

"Is she still sleeping?" asked Brass.

"Yes."

"No," came a reply behind them. Sara stood on the stairs.

"Sorry, I overslept," said Sara.

"I'm not complaining," said Brass.

There was an awkward silence before Sara spoke up.

"I invited Brass to breakfast," explained Sara. "Would uhm pancakes be okay?"

"Got strawberries?" asked Brass.

"Blueberries, too," she replied.

"I'm in," said Brass tossing his jacket on the couch.

"Grissom?" she asked.

"I should go," he said as he stepped toward the door.

"Hey, Griss?"

He turned to look at her. "Thanks," she said softly.

He smiled at her glancing once at Brass before he left.

Sara stared at the closed door.

"Going to make me cook?" asked Brass.

"Oh, uhm, sorry," she said.

He didn't know why he kept to himself the remainder of the day. He took a book from his shelf and forced himself to read it from front to back. By the time he finished, he knew Dr. Roberts had already been there. He glanced out and was discouraged when her car was gone.

Sara sat in the car as she stared at the grave stones. She had not been back since Blake's funeral, and she was not sure if she could find her way through the stones. She grabbed the flowers and took off on foot.

It was not hard to find since they were the only graves in the area in which the ground was freshly disturbed. She stood there now staring at the names on the headstone. Quietly, she placed the flowers on the graves and looked around for the first time. The graves were near a statue of an angel. There were rose bushes covering one side. In the spring time the air would be filled with the sweet fragrance. It seemed peaceful.

Her heart was restless.

She sat down on the cool grass content to just be there beside her husband and child. The granite tombstone was cold to the touch, but she traced the names and dates.

"I miss you," she whispered. "I miss you so much. Our home is just a house, and I'm not sure I can pretend that I'm not dead inside because I've lost the part of me that made me alive. It's so hard…living…I've wanted to crawl into a ball and die…but Grissom won't let me. I'm sure you have a hand in it…like that letter. I haven't read it yet. I keep holding it for a day when I feel I'm strong enough to hear your voice again without feeling the pain. I'm lost without you. Know that I love you…know that I would give anything to be with you…and Cady. Dr. Roberts made me pack away your things…a way of showing that I'm moving on. How can I do that when there's this hole in my heart? I uhm tried to kill the bastard that shot you. I wanted to pull the trigger, but Grissom wouldn't let me…I'm not sure I could."

She felt the gulps of tears wash over. "He took so much from me, and I couldn't even take his life? It's so hard living without you and Cady…I'm trying…Grissom makes me. I don't know what I would do without him."

"He won't say it, but I think he wants to leave…he deserves to be happy. I'm not sure I can let him go…he's all I have left."

She twirled the ring on her finger. "Dr. Roberts said I could keep this…I told him he'd have to commit me before I would take off my ring. He said it wasn't necessary."

She half smiled. "You were happy when I stopped wearing it around my neck. You said you thought I had doubts…I didn't. I never regretted marrying you."

Hours passed and yet she remained there. The wind picked up and with the first raindrop there was a clap of thunder. She slowly walked back to her vehicle not bothering to hurry when the rain poured and she became drenched.

Grissom had spent the evening glued to his front window. With each glimpse out the window he cursed inwardly.

_Maybe I made a mistake staying with her…_

_Maybe she's visiting the guys…_

The rain continued to pour as he kept a watchful eye on her driveway. He was relieved when she drove up, rushing inside the house.

She was shivering by the time she arrived home. She stepped into a hot bath, hoping the hot water would soothe her chilled body.

When he did not hear from her by that night, he called.

He seemed on edge when she did not answer her phone.

He took his medication as he sat down on his bed. Her drapes were pulled back and the light was on. She suddenly appeared in a nightgown and robe. She came to the window and waved.

His hand was suddenly plastered to the window pane.

His phone rang and he answered.

"Hey," she breathed.

"Hey."

"I uhm went to the cemetery," she said.

_Oh, Sara…_

"Dr. Roberts…" she didn't finish.

_Bastard…_

"I did it," she said.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"No."

"Want me to come over?" he asked.

"No," she said barely above a whisper.

He stood there wishing he were close enough to touch her.

"Want to come over here?" he asked.

There was a hesitation and he was hopeful but she finally replied, "No."

"Dr. Roberts said I could return to work," she said.

"That's good," he said. "When?"

"A week after you," she replied letting the dread slip out.

His gut twisted.

"I could talk with him," he offered.

"No…thanks."

"Sara…"

"Night," she said.

"Night."

If the nightmares returned she did not mention them although he looked for telltale signs of fatigue. The dark circles returned slowly. By the end of the week, he was back at work. The first night he had insisted on having dinner with her. She accepted when Brass came along.

He spent the first night glancing at his watch.

It did not go unnoticed by Brass.

"You're still worried about her," whispered Brass.

"It would help if she were back at work," grumbled Grissom.

"Greg is with her," said Brass.

Grissom's head shot up.

"I uhm asked Greg to pay her a visit with a pizza and a movie. He is sure to fall asleep on her couch," grinned Brass.

Grissom returned the grin. "Thanks, Jim."

"You think you have the monopoly on caring for her?" asked Brass.

The next night, Nick showed up.

She looked at him warily.

"I heard Greg made you suffer through one of his movies," said Nick. "Why wasn't I invited?"

"You were working," she replied.

"I have tonight off and look, I just happen to have a movie," he said holding it up.

She frowned.

"I ordered Chinese to be delivered also," he added. "So, do I get to spend the evening with my favorite girl?"

"Only because of the Chinese," she said with a slight smirk.

They sat there on the couch as the movie played.

"Don't think I won't throw you out if you try to fall asleep on the couch," she warned.

"You didn't throw Greg out," he complained.

"Greg…looked tired," she said.

"He's been worried about you," explained Nick. "We were told no contact, so it's been kind of hard on all of us."

"Me, too," she whispered.

He was surprised when she fell asleep. He grinned, pulling up the blanket around both of them and nodding off himself.

The next morning, he stepped outside to leave just as Grissom was arriving home.

"Morning," called Grissom.

"Hey, Grissom," called Sara and Nick.

Sara stood in the doorway. "Try to keep our secret, okay?" she teased.

"I'm a man of honor," he said.

"Right," she smirked and shut the door.

"Secret?" asked Grissom.

"We sort of slept together," smirked Nick.

"Sort of?" asked Grissom.

"We fell asleep on the couch together," explained Nick. "See you tonight."

Grissom smiled.

The next night Warrick arrived.

Sara stood there staring at him.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"Did Grissom put you up to this?" asked Sara.

"Brass," replied Warrick. "Going to disappoint him?"

"I don't feel like watching another movie," she announced.

"Okay…Want to play cards?" he asked.

She grinned as she let him in.

"Got pretzels?" he asked.

"You know I do," she said.

She felt it was too much when Catherine arrived the next night.

"Look…"

"I told Brass it was a bad idea…I mean so what if I have all the latest gossip on the lab, but I didn't think you'd care…"

"Want some coffee?" she asked. "I have some of Greg's."

They spent the night talking about the recent cases along with the latest antics in the office. Catherine even mentioned her concern about Grissom's eventual departure.

"He uhm told you he was leaving?" asked Sara.

"There's no definite date, but he's going…I can feel it," she said. "He's sort of been saying goodbye to everyone…in Grissom's odd sort of way."

Sara nodded but said nothing.

"He uhm tell you anything?" asked Catherine.

Sara shook her head.

"Maybe he suddenly has a reason to stay," said Catherine with a hint of suspicion in her voice.

"Maybe he needs to leave…no reason for any of us to hold him back," replied Sara.

"Maybe he wants to stay…because of someone," countered Catherine.

"That would be…stupid," she said.

Catherine was surprised at the response.

Note from author:

Don't shoot me...it's coming...remember, death is hard to get over...but soon everything changes....

take care


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen:**

**Heart Sick**

He thought she would be happy and relieved to be back at work but she seemed a bit apprehensive. He refused to let her go out on any homicides and paired her with someone even though she was quite capable of working solo. He expected her to complain, but she didn't. By the end of the week, his luck ran out, and he was forced to send her out on a homicide case.

She fell right into step, but he did not feel at ease.

Something nagged at him.

Perhaps it was the wedding ring that she wore.

It had been almost seven months.

He told himself it did not bother him since he had nothing to offer her; but, it was a constant reminder that she belonged to someone else, loved someone else, probably would always love someone else, and it saddened him. Sara was loyal. She would most likely never marry again. Just the glimpse into motherhood had shown him she would have been a good mother. Now, she would be alone for the rest of her life.

It bothered him.

_She could meet someone else…_

_She won't…_

_She'd never allow someone new…_

_Maybe one of the guys…_

He quickly dismissed it as he remembered his slight jealousy when Nick had announced he had slept with Sara.

He could broach the subject with her. Perhaps he could convince her to date again.

_Maybe it's too soon…_

_Who am I kidding?_

_I couldn't imagine seeing her with anyone else…_

_I just want the ring off her finger…_

Seven months was more than his own doctor had given him. He'd beaten the odds. He was sure to make the American Medical Journals.

Yes, Gil Grissom was a lucky man whose time was come to an end.

He could sense it. He felt a strong pull toward her as if he were the end of some magnet.

She lay there on her bed with the drapes pulled back. It had been a long week, but she was back to work in full swing. It helped make the days bearable as she went through the motions of living. She lay there staring at the ceiling as she tried to fall asleep. The first few days had been easy since she had been exhausted. For some reason, she did not feel tired, and so she lay there memorizing every inch of her ceiling. It was a slight movement that caught her eye. Her eyes darted toward the window, but there was nothing there.

_Must have been a bird…_

It was then she saw it on her wall. Her eyes darted to the wall, and there poised in the middle of the wall was a small red dot.

"What the…" she scrambled out of bed and went to the window.

He waved.

His phone rang immediately.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Checking to see if you're awake," he said.

"I am."

"Did I bother you?" he asked innocently.

"No," she replied. "What are you doing with the laser?"

"I couldn't sleep," he admitted. "I was rummaging through my dresser and came across this. Too bad I didn't remember it when we were setting up signals. It would have been great for night time exploits."

"Right," she grinned.

"We uhm haven't talked much this week," he said.

"We talk every day," she replied.

"We've talked about work…not us," he said.

The "us" did not go unnoticed.

The silence engulfed both of them.

"I've missed you," he admitted softly.

_Maybe Catherine is right…_

"I'm hungry. Are you hungry? We could make pancakes," she offered.

"Your house or mine? Wait? I'll cook," he offered.

"My pancakes are good. Brass didn't complain," she huffed.

"I recall the last time you made me pancakes; they could be used for skeet practice," he teased.

"You want some or not?" she threatened.

"I'm coming," he said.

She sat there and watched him take a bite of pancake.

"Well?" she asked.

"It's good," he said. "I'm a good teacher."

She rolled her eyes, and he laughed.

"Any reason why you can't sleep?" he asked.

"I uhm just wasn't tired," she said. "My boss hasn't been sending me out much."

Their eyes locked.

"If you want more work, I can give it to you," he lied.

"I just want to do my share…I can work solo you know," she said.

"I was just…"

"I appreciate it…really, but I'm okay," she said as her hand came to rest on his.

"I do worry about you," he admitted.

"No need. I can cook…don't even need the ladder anymore."

They both smiled.

"I know I wouldn't have gotten through this…without you, but I want you to know that I'm going to be okay," she said.

He helped with the dishes, and then headed for the door but turned almost running into her.

"Get some sleep. You're going to need it. I think your boss is about to double your workload," he teased.

Weeks flew by.

She worked several doubles with the others.

She thought it was odd he did not go out into the field as much. He kept himself in the lab using paperwork as an excuse as his medication dwindled.

He seemed more tired these days and ignored the warning signs to revisit his physician.

He had not planned to go out into the field but he wiped his brow and frowned when there was no one left except he and Sara.

He marked himself on the board and headed toward the door.

"Hey, Griss," Sara called. "Brass said you got a 419."

"I'm headed out there now," he said.

"Wait, I'm done with my case," she called. "I'll meet you in the parking lot."

"Sara…"

She was already rushing back to the locker room. He continued outside and was intent on leaving without her but was stopped by one of the lab technicians. By the time he made it to his vehicle, she was already there.

"I haven't seen much of you," she said as she stared at him.

"Clearing out some things on my desk," he lied.

"You okay?" she asked as she attempted to place her hand over his forehead. He jerked away causing her to recoil.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"No problem," she said as she grabbed the scribbled notes on the case.

She grabbed her kit as soon as he parked the car, taking off to begin taking photos. She was moving inside the house by the time he made it to the entrance.

"What do we have?" asked Grissom.

Brass stepped up. "Family had not been seen all day. Neighbor finally came over to check on them. She glanced inside and saw the dog lying on the floor, not moving even though she was pounding pretty hard. She called police. It seems there was a gas leak. No survivors…Gil, it's a family…husband, wife and baby."

_Oh shit…_

Sara stepped into the bedroom and stared at the bodies. From a distance it appeared they were sleeping. The husband's arm was draped across the wife. She felt as if she were intruding.

_Do I let her take the husband and wife or the baby?_

"Sara?"

When she did not answer, Grissom stepped in front of her blocking her view of the bodies.

"You okay…with this?" he asked.

"Sure," she said as she began taking photos. She shot off half a dozen without stopping.

"I'll uhm…be in the next room," he said.

"Room?" she asked suddenly.

"Another body," he explained.

Sara's eyes spanned the room and caught sight of a frame on the dresser.

"A child?" she asked.

He couldn't answer.

She swallowed. "A baby?"

"I'll be next door," he said as he disappeared.

She dropped the camera to her side as she followed him.

She had no idea why.

He'd just begun to take photos when she stood over the baby bed.

"It's uhm a newborn," she said.

"Sara…"

"They look like they're sleeping," she said as she reached toward the baby but her hands were caught by his.

"Go outside," he said gently.

"I'm uhm fine," she said.

She turned quickly and returned to work.

Within a few hours the scene was cleared. The case was clearly an accident, but it was an accident that had taken a family. She slid into the vehicle without a word. There was random conversation, but the strain was there. He pulled into the lab, shutting off the engine; but he made no move to get out of the vehicle. She reached for the door handle, and he stopped her.

"Take the rest of the night off," he offered.

"Why? You're the one who looks tired," she said as she quickly exited the vehicle and hurried inside.

The shift turned into a double. His head hurt. He had no intention of staying a minute over, but his plans soon changed when there was a shootout with police. She glanced over at him when he leaned against the Denali. He looked pale as he chugged down a bottle of water.

Grissom cursed when there was a delay getting the bodies removed.

"Where's Doc?" yelled Grissom.

"At another scene," called David who finally arrived. "I'm sorry. Traffic was…"

"Could we get these bodies out of the way so we can finish?" asked Grissom.

It wasn't like him.

By the time they finished the case, he was completely exhausted.

He headed toward the Denali and noticed she was already inside the vehicle. She was prepared for a fight as she sat behind the wheel, but he got in without a word. They returned to the lab, logging in the evidence. He'd made it to the parking lot when he spotted her leaning against his car.

"I shouldn't have yelled…like that," he said.

"That's not like you," she said.

"I'll see you tonight," he said as he attempted to slide past her and get into his vehicle.

"You can ride home with me," she said.

He was in no condition to argue.

"Grissom, it's obvious you're sick," she said. "Let me help you…you helped me."

He leaned back in the seat as she drove. He even dozed as she tried to calm her nerves.

_He's fine…_

_He's just run down…_

_He'll be fine after he sleeps…_

She gently nudged him as they sat in his driveway.

"Can I get you something to eat?" she asked.

He shook his head. "I'll see you tonight."

He stepped out of the vehicle and headed inside. She tapped on the door immediately.

He opened it.

"Sara, I'm really…"

"Sick," she finished.

"I'm just tired," he corrected. He stepped back when she reached out to touch his forehead.

It was the second time he had recoiled from her touch.

She looked hurt by his action.

He sighed as he quickly pulled her into his arms. "I uhm don't like being sick."

"I could…"

"I just need sleep, Sara…lots of it."

She nodded. "Call me if you need anything," she said as she let herself out.

He took a quick shower and was in bed within minutes.

He did not even bother to stand at the window but fell into his bed.

Hours passed and he slowly rolled over.

He jumped when he found her lying on the bed next to him.

"Sorry…I couldn't sleep," she said. "I uhm…kept seeing that baby and…"

He extended his arms and she scooted into them.

"Feeling better?" she asked.

"Much," he lied.

"Grissom…you wouldn't lie to me would you? I don't think I could…"

She grabbed him at that moment molding her body to his as she kissed him fully on the lips.

He didn't know why he did it but he rolled over, pinning her to the bed as he kissed her. It was soft and gentle. His lips softly touched hers, but then, he deepened the kiss as he plunged deeper and she accepted him, feeling the warmth of his body on hers. Suddenly all of the pent up emotions from the past few months emerged, as Grissom continued his assault. He wanted her, needed her; and yet, he found himself pulling back. He slowly released her as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"We shouldn't have done that," he whispered.

"Why…uhm not?" she asked.

_Why not?_

_Because I have nothing to offer you Sara except pain and grief…_

"I've never…wanted anything except friendship from you," he lied.

She felt as if she had been slapped.

She scrambled from the bed as she struggled to find her shoes under the bed.

She was gone before he could say another word. He watched as she hurried across the street slamming the door behind her as she went. She did not stop until she was upstairs in her bedroom. She snatched the drapes, letting them fall across the window as she lunged onto her bed in a fit of tears.

_He never wanted you, Sara…_

Her phone rang, but she ignored it.

She knew it would be him checking to see if she had fallen apart.

Well, she wasn't.

She continued to say that as she lay there in a fetal position feeling guilty for wanting to love the man whom she had always loved.

_How could I do such a thing right after Blake's death?_

_Always Grissom…_

The phone began again.

She cursed.

She stripped her clothes and stepped into the shower as she let the hot water wash over her body again and again. She ignored the pain. The physical pain was less than the emotional. She grew angry when the water turned cold. Stepping out, she quickly dressed, grabbing her keys, and fled the house. He stepped out of his house just as she drove away.

He cursed at himself for being so callous.

Note from author:

Yes...it's the calm before the storm....leave a review....

Take care!


	19. Chapter 19

**Note from author:**

**I had some majors technical difficulties....okay I had this dream last night and had to incorporate it into the story. It will appear in chapter twenty...I think you will like it...LOL**

**take care!**

**Chapter Nineteen:**

**Pain in My Heart**

Her leaving did nothing for his health as he worried about her. His attempts to call were futile as she refused to answer her phone. A few hours later, she returned but he'd fallen asleep on his couch. Shift rolled around and before he could get a chance to clear the air, she was already gone.

_What did you expect?_

His chest was heavy as he forced himself into work. He walked through the halls in search of her.

"Grissom," called Ecklie. "Sidle is out in the field on a case. Swing was backed up and she just happened to come in early so I sent her to help."

"What kind of case?" he asked wiping his brow.

"What does it matter?" he huffed as he stalked down the hall.

Grissom checked the board, got the address, and then left.

He sat there in his vehicle as he watched Sara and the others working. He leaned back trying to shake off the nausea. He reached for the door handle, ignoring the twinge in his arm. One look in his direction sent her in the opposite direction.

"Sara!" he called.

She whirled around. "Ecklie sent me."

"I know," he said. "That's not why I wanted to talk with you."

He grabbed her arm, but she quickly pulled away causing him to stagger.

"Sara…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt…you," he gasped.

"My problem," she declared. She tried to leave, but he stepped in her path.

"My fault…won't happen again," she said as her hands flew up in the air as if to guard off any contact from him.

"I need to talk with you," he explained.

"No need. I get it…I really do…I just tend to forget and…" she stopped as she looked at him.

He struggled to breathe as the first jolt hit him.

She grabbed him as he felt his legs collapsing underneath him.

He could hear her screaming for Brass as she held him.

"Sorry," he sputtered.

"Don't talk…just breathe," she cried. "Just breathe…don't leave me, Grissom…please don't leave me."

The second jolt hit him as he felt his body shudder from the pain.

He felt more hands as his head now settled on the ground.

The pain slowly eased.

It felt strange.

He could not seem to feel anything, but his eyes were focused on Sara's face. It moved closer as she kissed him feverishly on his cheeks and then forehead.

"Stay with me, Grissom," begged Sara.

He wanted to touch her. He tried to lift his hand, but his attempts were futile.

Sheer terror crossed her face as he continued to stare at her.

_What's wrong, Sara?_

"We need that ambulance, now!" she yelled. "He's not breathing!"

Her face drew close as her lips covered his.

_One last kiss, Sara…_

_I didn't want to leave like this…._

It was then he realized his ultimate mistake.

He'd been trying to hide his feelings all these months when he should have told her how he felt.

He could hear her pleas between gasps of air.

"Just love you…so sorry," she cried.

_I love you too…_

_Don't cry Sara. Please don't cry…_

Her mouth descended on his once more.

"My fault…my fault," she gasped.

_No! Not your fault…_

She continued with the mouth to mouth even as the paramedics pushed her aside.

"How long has he been down?" asked the paramedic.

"Two minutes," Brass said.

Sara's eyes pleaded with Brass.

Within minutes they were at the hospital as Sara paced the halls.

The others slowly arrived.

"What happened?" asked Nick as he reached for Sara but she avoided his comfort.

"His uhm heart…he uhm stopped breathing," she whispered.

"Sara…" Nick attempted once more but she merely backed away.

"I uhm…I'll be back," she said as she hurried down the hall ducking into the women's restroom.

_Get a grip, Sara…_

_He's in surgery…_

_He's alive and in surgery…_

_They'll fix him…_

_He'll be fine…_

She splashed water on her face as she heard the first sob slip out.

Visions of Blake's lifeless body followed by Grissom's collapse brought her to her knees as she stumbled back into a stall, slamming the door. She covered her mouth with both hands as she sobbed over and over, letting her fear wreak havoc on her body.

_I can't lose you Grissom…_

_I don't know how to say goodbye to you…_

_I won't…_

Brass stepped away from the nurse's desk.

"Anything?" Nick asked quickly.

"He's in surgery," said Brass. "Stupid bastard had a heart condition but never told anyone. He's needed surgery for months but put it off."

"Why would he…" Nick stopped as Sara returned.

"What's his prognosis?" she asked.

"We won't know until the surgery is complete," said Brass stepping towards her, but she backed away.

"Sara…"

"Stop!" she said with her hands in front of her.

"I'm just concerned about you," explained Brass.

"You're waiting for me to fall apart…too late…I've already done that…don't need any of you…I don't…I just need Grissom…want Grissom," she choked out.

"I know, honey," whispered Brass. "He's going to make it."

"You don't know that," she spat.

"He's got a lot to live for…you. He couldn't have gotten through these months without you," explained Brass.

"I complicated his life…caused nothing but grief and stress when he didn't need it…we had a fight…this is my fault," she cried.

"That's not true…Grissom had a heart condition," said Nick. "No one knew."

"I should have known. I should have seen the signs," she said as she stepped away.

Hours drifted by.

Catherine and the others returned to the lab leaving Brass and Sara to keep watch.

"Sara isn't herself," whispered Nick to Catherine.

"She's afraid she's going to lose Grissom also," replied Catherine. "I'm afraid she may be right."

Little was said to one another as they waited for any news. Word came just as Sara was about to nod off. They huddled around one another as they listened to the prognosis.

"Are you his family?" asked the physician.

"Yes," they replied quickly.

"Mr. Grissom is out of surgery and in ICU. It may be several hours before…"

"Can we see him?" asked Sara.

"He won't be conscious, and I'm not sure friends…"

"I'm his wife," she lied.

Brass did not blink but stared at the physician.

"We didn't know Mr. Grissom was married."

"He is…to me…we've been separated…until recently," she continued with the lie.

The physician glanced at Brass.

"That's right," he said.

"I'll uhm make arrangements for you to stay with him."

The moment the physician left, Brass looked at her.

"I had the wedding ring," she said. "I couldn't think of anything else."

Brass nodded. "Keep us posted on his condition."

"I will," she said as she followed the nurse down the hall.

She stood there taking in the sight of his body.

She followed each line and tube.

It wasn't until she heard the hum of the respirator that she slumped down into the chair next to the bed and tried to find a place to touch him. Her hands lovingly cupped his face as she kissed him feverishly again and again. A nurse stepped in with medication.

"Pain medication," the nurse explained.

"Is he in much pain?" Sara asked.

"Not at the moment," replied the nurse. "We'll try to minimize it as much as we can."

"He feels cold," said Sara. "He uhm hasn't moved since…"

"He has a good steady heart beat," offered the nurse.

Hours drifted into hours and still she remained by his side. Doctors had come and gone, but Sara remained. She left frequent messages at the lab but felt useless as the message was the same.

_There's no change…_

_Grissom wake up…_

_Please wake up…_

She forgot when she last ate or slept or felt anything. She sat there by his side waiting for any glimpse that he might return to her.

He remained lifeless as her life slowly ebbed from her. The nurses seemed concerned. They offered food and drink. She took it but could not seem to force herself to eat while he lingered between death and life.

It was on the third day that he decided to venture toward consciousness. Her voice had been insistent and at times mournful.

_Don't cry Sara…_

_I'm here…_

He felt the pain as he attempted to move. He wanted to drift back into oblivion, but the pain refused to ease. He tried to move his hand, but there was something moist and heavy on it. Her face suddenly appeared in front of him. She leaned down and kissed him on each cheek as he struggled with the tube inserted in his throat.

Her hand captured his. "Don't," she whispered.

He relaxed as his eyes focused on hers.

She bent down and whispered softly in his ear. "I told them we were married in order to stay with you."

Her lips settled on his forehead before she called the nurse.

He drifted in and out.

The tube disappeared as well as ICU. One day he woke and saw that he was now in a private room. There were some voices at the end of his bed, and he glanced down to see Catherine and Brass.

"Hey, you're awake," smiled Catherine. "Sara is taking a shower. We insisted."

Grissom glanced around the room. "You're doing much better," added Catherine. "Sara has been with you the whole time. She refused to leave you…poor thing wouldn't eat until she knew you were going to make it. You have to…you know."

He knew. He remembered Sara's mournful pleas.

His eyes searched the room once more.

_Hurry, Sara…_

_I need to try to make you understand…_

One jerk of his arm brought excruciating pain. He closed his eyes shutting them out. The next time he opened them, he stared into brown eyes.

"Hey," she whispered.

Before he could react, the door opened and his physician stepped in.

"Good to see you awake," he smiled. "We're going to start you out slowly with therapy tomorrow."

Grissom glanced at Sara.

"Your wife can…"

"Not…my…wife," he said. He wanted her to be his wife but he'd wasted so much time. Now, he was a man with a bad heart.

Sara's hand tightened in his.

"She's been by your side since the surgery," replied the physician. "That gives her special consideration…as a wife."

Grissom listened to the garbled noise coming from the mouth of his physician while he tried to wrap his brain around the reality that he had survived a massive heart attack, and Sara was there by his side pretending to be his wife.

"Heart," he interrupted the physician.

"Your heart is something I would like to write about in the American Medical Journal."

_It figures…_

"Prognosis," he managed to get out.

"It's still healing from the triple bypass…your lower leg is going to be sore. We had to use quite a few veins…you're going to feel a bit of pressure on your chest…along with some pain…a lot of pain."

He wasn't listening again.

_I'm dying and she's going to see it…_

"Dying," he said out loud without thinking.

Sara gulped.

The physician looked at Sara and then replied. "I'm not going to lie to you Mr. Grissom. You should be dead but for some reason you're here. There's a possibility of infection…your heart needs time to heal…it's going to be a very painful, difficult recovery. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's up to you now. There's no medical reason why you're alive except that you have a strong will to live. Take it one day at a time."

The drugs were already pulling him back down while the physician continued with the instructions. Sara listened intently jotting down notes and asking her own set of questions.

"Is he going to make it?" whispered Sara.

"I'm not sure," admitted the doctor as he stepped out.

Sara slipped back down in the chair and kissed Grissom feverishly.

"I can't lose you too, Grissom. I'd rather be dead."

_Don't say that Sara…_

He struggled to wake but he couldn't.

Note from author:

I promise to post another chapter this evening.... there are twenty five chapters....


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty:**

**Heart and Brains of it**

_Grissom eyes shot open when the music began. _

_He glanced around but did not see Sara. _

_The bed was different. _

_He gasped when his eyes caught sight of the lace embroidery surrounding him._

"_This isn't a bed!" he yelled. "What the hell have they put me in?"_

_Catherine appeared._

"_How long have we been friend's Gil?" she asked sounding rather angry._

"_Years….Catherine, what's going on?" he asked._

"_You know I always said you'd be late for your own funeral," she huffed. "Why didn't you tell me about your heart condition? Were you afraid I was after your job?"_

"_Of course not. I didn't want to…"_

"_It's not like I've been doing the paperwork all these months…I should have known the only way you were going to leave the lab is over your dead body!"_

_She laughed as she swiped at a tear. "Damn, my mascara is going to run! Thanks a lot Grissom!"_

"_Catherine, there's some mistake. I'm not dead," he urged._

_Catherine sighed. "Doc, would you tell Grissom, he's dead."_

_Doc appeared by the casket. "You're dead."_

"_I'm alive!" Grissom insisted._

"_You could have told me about your condition. I could have advised you…reviewed your records…what? Didn't think I was good enough to be your private physician?" huffed Doc._

"_Hey, he didn't even tell me he had a bad ticker," added Brass who joined the two._

"_Jim, tell them I'm not dead," pleaded Grissom._

_Jim leaned over the casket. "You look dead, buddy."_

"_Look closer!"_

_Brass rolled his eyes but he stepped in closer._

"_Hate to tell you this but you are most definitely dead…wow who cut you open?" asked Brass._

_Grissom watched as Doc pulled opened his lab jacket and observed the scar. _

"_I do a better job on my cadavers!" whined Doc. "You see, you should have come to me!"_

"_Who decided to bury me in my lab coat?" griped Grissom. "I wanted to wear my nice black suit."_

"_Why? The lab was your life…it only seemed fitting that you should wear your lab coat," explained Catherine. She reached over and tried to scratch off a spot. "Sorry, we didn't have time to clean it."_

_Grissom exploded. "Check my heart! It's still beating!" _

_Catherine smiled. "Of course it is. Show him, Nick."_

_Nick appeared in front of the casket. He held up a jar containing a beating heart._

"_Don't worry. We're going to replace all those jars of mutilated pigs with your heart," smiled Nick._

"_You are the heart of the lab," smiled Ecklie who came to admire the jar._

"_That's not my heart!" yelled Grissom. "I've got mine right here." He felt a huge hole in his chest._

"_Nonsense!" declared Catherine. She turned the jar around to display the other side. "Just look! It's got Sara's name on it…it's definitely your heart."_

_Grissom gawked._

"_You know we should hurry cause shift is going to start soon," grumbled Ecklie._

"_Hey, let's go to the diner and celebrate afterwards," chirped Catherine._

"_Celebrate?" asked Grissom._

"_My promotion," said Catherine. "I mean something good has to come out of this mess."_

"_But…"_

"_Really, Grissom. You left us in a mess…you could have cleaned out your office before you decided to kick the bucket," complained Catherine as Warrick nodded._

"_Hey, who gets Grissom's office?" asked Nick._

"_Why me, of course," replied Catherine._

"_Well, can I have your old office?" asked Nick._

"_No way. I already have dibbs on it," smiled Warrick._

"_Not fair," complained Nick. "You're probably sleeping with the boss."_

_Catherine chuckled._

"_It didn't get Sara anywhere," said Warrick._

"_I wasn't sleeping with Sara," yelled Grissom._

"_We know!" they yelled in unison. _

"_You didn't even want her to kiss you," sneered Greg who appeared from behind the others._

"_Greg, show them I'm not dead," begged Grissom._

"_You couldn't even love her back," griped Greg. "You should have left her alone."_

_Grissom suddenly realized he'd not seen Sara yet._

"_Where's Sara?" he asked. "Sara will know. Sara will…"_

"_Look beside you!" spat Greg._

_Grissom turned to the side and saw Sara lying there._

"_No!" he anguished._

"_She couldn't live without you so she killed herself," sighed Catherine. "Now, I have two positions to fill. What a mess, Gil."_

"_Sara!" yelled Grissom as he shook her._

"_For Pete's sake," snapped Catherine. "Grissom, she's dead. Look…bullet wound to the temple."_

_His hand gently tilted her head and saw the makeup which concealed the small entry wound._

"_Oh Sara," he mourned. "Tell me this didn't happen."_

"_Funny how something so small can just rip right through flesh and…" Doc stopped. "Don't worry, Grissom. I took good care of her for you."_

_Grissom turned to look at the others again._

_He gasped when he saw Greg holding up a jar. It contained a brain._

"_With your heart and her brains, the lab will go far," smiled Ecklie._

"_See, just a slight knick there," announced Doc who pointed at the bullet wound. "Almost as good as new. Couldn't save her heart…too worn out."_

_He lay there quiet._

"_Ready for us to shut this thing?" asked Catherine as she reached for the casket lid._

"_Wait!" yelled Hodges._

"_Shut it," griped Grissom._

"_Wait!" yelled Hodges once more as he maneuvered his way to the front of the casket._

"_I can't let them bury you boss without these," exclaimed Hodges._

_Grissom watched in horror as Hodges opened a jar filled with bugs and poured them into the casket. _

"_I knew you would want your friends to have first dibbs on your body," he smiled. _

"_Good idea!" called the others._

"_Yeah, well, I may be Holmes without a Sherlock now but Holmes was brilliant in his own right," declared Hodges._

"_Get them off her!" pleaded Grissom. "Get them…"_

"_Grissom?"_

_He turned quickly when he heard Sara's voice._

"Grissom?"

He shuddered as his hands flew about. Sara quickly grabbed them, trying to keep him from pulling out the IV needles.

"Grissom!"

His eyes shot open and his blue eyes stared intently at her.

"It was just a dream," she whispered.

"Dreamed...casket…me…you…don't die," he panted.

"Listen to me. You are not going to die," she said swiping at her eyes. "You can't!"

"No lab coat…suit," he said.

She looked confused.

"Bury…me…suit…not lab coat."

"No!"

"No bugs…in casket," he panted as his agitation grew.

Sara watched helplessly as his heart rate soared.

"You…have to…live…even if…I…don't," he said.

"No!"

The machine pinged out a warning signal.

"Sara…"

"You live…I live…no compromising," she cried.

Her head covered his chest as she sobbed.

His hand slowly made its way to her. With much effort he attempted to stroke her hair.

She felt his hand and grabbed it, holding it tight to her cheek.

"Okay…Sara," he gasped.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

The nurse rushed in but stopped when she noticed the heart rate was now slow and steady.

"A dream," Sara whispered.

The nurse stepped out.

"Sara?"

"Hush," she urged. "Just rest."

He drifted in and out for another day. He jerked awake causing several of the machines to sound. Sara's hand was there, soothing his fears.

"I'm here," she whispered. His eyes remained fixed on her as the nurses came to assess his condition. Sara's hand stroked his forehead lovingly, as she explained his condition.

"Your heart is getting stronger," she whispered. "Your heart…stay with me, Gil."

She never used his first name. She whispered it again and again. He smiled.

He thought he would live just to hear her say it again.

He grumbled when he tried to walk down the hall by himself but the attendants quickly stopped him.

"I can do this on my own," he insisted.

"Mr. Grissom…"

His hand flew up in the air warning them off.

Sara had just stepped from the nurse's station to see and hear the commotion.

Her hand covered her mouth to stifle a chuckle as he proudly did his best to make it on his own.

He made it half way when he turned, sweat pouring from his forehead and gave them a 'I told you so' look.

"Mr. Grissom…" began the attendant.

"I told you I could make it on my own," he stated.

"Yes, you did but…those gowns…have a bit of breeze way from the behind."

The male attendant quickly placed the robe around Grissom's shoulder.

Grissom sighed. "Made an ass of myself…didn't I?"

"Yes, sir…I think you could say that."

"Yeah, well at least…" Grissom stopped in mid-sentence when he saw Sara.

_Shit!_

_She saw me…_

She hid the snicker.

With an attendant by his side, he continued down the hall, stopping to rest once or twice. Sara quietly followed behind not wanting to get in the way. She worried about his stamina as she knew the grueling physical therapy would come next and already Grissom was gasping for breath. With each rest, she watched as he struggled through the sheer exertion it took just to walk a few feet.

"You did good Grissom," said the attendant.

Once he returned to his room, she waited until he was settled in bed before coming to sit down beside him.

"You didn't have to walk that far," she said.

"I want to get out of here," he grimaced.

"But…you shouldn't over do it," she pouted.

"I won't," he said. "Sara…I think it's time you left."

She didn't know what she expected.

She had expected he would ask her to leave eventually.

She sat there quietly trying to devise a plan in order to stay.

"You…should be at the lab," he said. "You're needed there…not here."

"But…I want…"

"I want you to…go," he said. He'd gone over this conversation in his head; but, when it came out, it seemed rather harsh and cruel.

She grabbed her jacket and was gone before he could even thank her for staying with him. He jabbed the call button again and again. The nurse appeared.

"Could you stop her?" he called. "Could you…call my…wife back?"

The nurse disappeared for a moment but returned.

"I'm sorry. We couldn't catch her. Would you like for us to call her?" asked the nurse.

He slowly shook his head.

Catherine was surprised when she showed up for work that night.

"How's Grissom?" they asked.

"He's great…doing therapy…didn't need me," she said with a tight lip. "So, what do we have tonight?"

Catherine glanced at Warrick. "Why don't you take a night off and get some rest? You've been at the hospital for a week now."

"No need. I should be up next…since I've been off."

Catherine handed her an assignment and she flew off down the hall without another comment.

She offered to take a double when a call came in at the last minute. Catherine reluctantly handed her the slip. "We're going to visit Grissom. I can call you if…"

"I'm sure he's fine," she said as she headed out of the lab but stopped suddenly. "Call me…if…" she didn't finish but took off.

Catherine stood there staring at the closed door. "What happened?"

"You mean, what did Grissom do?" muttered Brass.

Catherine sat there in the chair as she waited for Grissom to return from therapy. One look and she knew he was in a great deal of pain.

"That bad huh?" she asked.

"I feel like an invalid learning the simplest of tasks," he grumbled.

"Is uhm that the reason you sent Sara away?" asked Catherine.

"Did she talk to you?" he asked quietly.

"Nope. She walked into work last night and worked all of us under the table. She's pulling a double right now," replied Catherine.

"You shouldn't have let her do that! She's had very little sleep," he said sounding agitated.

"Why should you care?"

"I do!"

"You should tell her…but then that has always been your problem. She deserves to know how much you love her. Hell, we all know that! It's obvious she loves you. She never left your side. She wouldn't eat or sleep until she knew you were over the worst of it. I don't think she much cared what happened to her if you died. What does that tell you?"

"I didn't want her to see me like this," he said throwing his hands up in frustration.

"Isn't it a little too late? She held your hand through ICU when there was little hope of your recovery, but you did. Why would you want to chase her away when you're finally getting better?"

"I didn't…mean to…hurt her," he mourned.

"Well, she is…hurt," grumbled Catherine as she headed for the door. "You should be more considerate…of…your wife."

Catherine headed toward the door.

"Hey Cath?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't ever plan my funeral…let someone else do it."

"Are you planning on dying?" she asked worriedly.

"I've got too much to live for," he said.

She was relieved. "Don't worry about the lab. It will…"

"It's just a job…and for the record, it's not my life…Sara is."

Catherine smiled. "Took dying to figure that out?"

She didn't wait for a reply as she left.

He pulled the hospital phone over to the side and dialed her cell.

"Sidle"

"I'm sorry," he said.

"I'm uhm working," she replied.

"I heard."

She was quiet for a moment.

"If I continue making progress in therapy, they're going to let me come home in another week."

"Good."

"I told my physician you would make sure I followed his instructions."

"I uhm will."

"Sara?"

"Yes?"

"I uhm really don't need you here…but I want you."

She swallowed. "I'll come by after work."

"Go home and get some sleep…then come by."

She couldn't imagine going home alone.

"I'll see you in a few hours," she said.

"Remember, sleep," he advised.

Note from author:

The first part of this chapter was my dream last night....yeah...I so need therapy...LOL

Take care!


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty One:**

**A Humble Heart**

She kept her word arriving a few hours before shift.

She peeked into the room and was going to step back out when she saw a familiar woman standing beside the bed holding Grissom's hand.

Grissom caught sight of Sara and called her inside.

"Heather this is…"

Heather turned and smiled. "This must be Sara."

Sara glanced at Grissom.

Heather extended her hand, and Sara took it.

"Grissom has told me a lot about you."

Sara felt awkward at that moment and inched toward the door.

"I'll come back," she said.

"Don't go. I was just about to leave. He's been anxiously waiting for you to come," replied Heather. "I've been merely a substitute."

Grissom frowned as Heather grinned at him as she left.

Sara fidgeted. "I'm sorry. I didn't know…"

"You didn't interrupt anything," he said.

Sara seemed a bit self conscious as she stood there at the end of the bed.

"Can you stay for awhile?" he asked.

"I uhm was going to come by earlier, but I…had to meet with Dr. Roberts," she explained.

"Is everything alright?" he asked quickly.

"Good," she replied. "And you?"

"Good," he lied. The physical therapy had been grueling.

She glanced at the door, and he was fearful she was going to leave.

"Want to take a walk?" he asked.

"A walk?" she asked.

"I'm supposed to walk down the hall three times a day."

He pulled back the covers and pulled on his slippers. He stood slowly as he reached for the bed to steady himself. She immediately slipped her arm around his waist. It was done without thought but as soon as his eyes met hers, she became fearful she had done something wrong.

"Thanks…Sara," he whispered.

She smiled slightly and he smiled back.

She released him once he was outside the room. He stood there for a moment but then began walking. She walked by his side, not touching, but he knew she was prepared to catch him if he faltered.

By the time he returned to his bed, he was out of breath. She placed the covers over him as she sat down on the edge of the bed.

"You're getting better," she said.

He nodded slightly. "I thought I was going to die. I wanted to when I couldn't bear the pain, but…you wouldn't let me."

"Friends," she said.

"Always," he said.

She wanted to flee, but she stood her ground.

Friendship was better than not having him at all in her life.

He remembered his dream and took action.

"I uhm know it may be too soon, but…I was wondering… if you…would want to see…if there is more to this…than friendship."

She stared at him in disbelief.

"I know I have no right to ask…I uhm can't even offer you…my heart…it's a bit battered," he whispered.

Her hand rested lightly on his chest.

"Mine's broken," she countered.

His hand reached out and wiped away the wetness on her cheeks.

"We could…heal together," he offered.

"I'd uhm like that," she said.

She gently slipped into his arms as he held her letting his hand stroke her hair softly.

"Grissom?"

"Hmmm?"

"About next week," she began. "You can't stay by yourself."

"I know," he admitted. "I was going to hire a nurse."

"I could…stay with you," she offered.

"You just returned to work," he said.

"You uhm took off to stay with me," she pointed out.

"Sara…"

"Don't say no…please," she pushed.

"I don't want you to…"

"See you vulnerable? Grissom, I uhm almost killed someone…myself. You've seen me more vulnerable than this."

"I'll talk with Catherine," he said.

"I'll work until you're released," she offered.

"You sure about this?" he asked.

"Yeah, I am," she said as her hand slipped into his.

He pushed himself in therapy causing a setback. He grumbled when he was forced to remain a few more days.

She had stood there listening to the nurse's report glancing every now and then in his direction. He felt like a child who was about to be reprimanded by his mother. Sara sat down on the bed.

"I was trying…"

"To show me how strong you are…you don't need to do that. Grissom, they didn't expect you to recover from the surgery…but you did."

He winced from the pain.

"Do you need any pain medication?" she asked.

He shook his head.

She frowned.

He winced again causing her to push the call button.

"I really don't need…"

The nurse appeared.

"He's in pain," explained Sara.

"We'll give him something," smiled the nurse.

Grissom sat there looking frustrated.

"The pain medication will help you rest," she explained.

"I don't want to rest. I want to get out of here," he grumbled.

The nurse reappeared with the medication.

She handed it to him, and Sara watched as he took it.

There was a tap on the door, and they looked up to find Hodges.

"I take a vacation for the first time in years, and you die," he said stepping in with a book and a box of chocolates.

"I thought you would like a new entomology book…the chocolates…your favorite," he grinned.

Grissom glanced at the box.

"Chocolate covered grasshoppers…with red ants," Hodges smiled.

Sara turned up her nose.

Grissom looked shocked.

"They told me you're getting better," Hodges said.

"I am."

A moment of awkwardness ensued as Hodges stood there staring at the two.

"You're not going to die?" asked Hodges.

"Yes, I am…eventually," replied Grissom.

Sara's head snapped to glare at Grissom.

Hodges sniffled. "So, you're not alright."

"David, I'm fine….maybe in thirty years, I might die but…"

Grissom was not prepared for the sudden bear hug by Hodges.

He groaned causing Hodges to go off into a flurry of apologies as Sara pulled him off Grissom.

"I'm really sorry…it's just when they told me you had a heart attack, I just figured it was my fault," said Hodges.

"Your fault?" asked Grissom.

"I was afraid the stress of my absence might hinder the lab's cohesive flow but my mother insisted that I take her…"

Grissom stared in disbelief.

"It was the stress…I never should have left. I'm sure things got backed up and you were worried you wouldn't get the bad guys off the streets fast enough…this is definitely my fault," whined Hodges.

Grissom held in the urge to chuckle. He knew that if he let himself laugh, pain would follow.

"I don't care what mother says, this was the last vacation. I am not going to put you through that again…I promise," he said holding his hand up as if he were giving a testimonial.

"Hodges, I had a bad heart," explained Grissom.

"Oh. Oh," said Hodges as he stared at the man he worshipped. "Oh! I get it. You're just trying to make me feel better. You're some boss!"

Sara shook her head in amusement.

Grissom quickly covered his mouth with his hand.

"Is he alright?" asked Hodges. "He's turning a bit red."

"Physical therapy was really hard today," explained Sara as she ushered Hodges to the door.

"They really did a number on your chest…maybe you could get a tattoo to cover the scar…maybe a tattoo of…"

Grissom's shoulder began to shake.

Hodges leaned in close to Sara. "I think he's just overwhelmed to see me back."

Hodges leaned back into the room despite Sara's best efforts to shove him out the door.

"Don't worry boss, I'm back. I'll have everything current within a day or so. There's nothing to worry about!"

Sara shoved once more and quickly locked the door.

She glanced at Grissom.

"Don't!" she warned.

He held his chest as he laughed.

"You're going to pay for that," said Sara as she stood there with arms folded.

"Sorry," he said as he continued to laugh.

He groaned from the pain.

"I told you," she warned.

"I didn't even notice Hodges was gone," he smirked causing another fit of laughter. He sputtered sending himself into a fit of coughing. His hands clenched into fists as he braced for the pain.

She gripped his hand as he struggled through the pain.

"I'm calling the nurse," she said as she reached for the call button.

"No…need," he said. "It's passing."

"It wasn't that funny," she huffed.

"Yes…yes it was," he smirked as he began to chuckle again not caring if the pain returned. It felt good to laugh.

"Stop!" she insisted.

Her hand grabbed his wrist and attempted to take his pulse.

"Sara, I'm fine," he protested.

Grissom flipped open the box of candy and plopped a grasshopper into his mouth.

Sara tried to take the box from him, but he held onto it.

"Grissom, let go," she warned.

"Ants and grasshoppers are rich in protein and low in cholesterol," whined Grissom.

"They're covered in chocolate," pointed out Sara.

"They're good," he said as he plopped another one into his mouth despite her best efforts to grab it away from him.

She snarled her nose as she listened to the sound of crunching.

"Try one," he offered.

"I don't eat bugs," she announced.

He reached for another one, but she wrestled the box from his grasp.

He pouted as he sat there while she disposed of the box.

He opened the book and flipped through the pages.

Sara stepped aside as they brought in the dinner tray.

He glanced down at the food.

Sara smirked when she saw his disgust over the contents.

"I'm not eating this," he announced.

"Griss…"

"Give me the box back," he said.

"Try it," she urged.

"Sara, I want the box back," he pleaded.

He shoved the tray away, but she merely pushed it back into place.

They stared at one another.

"The food is awful," he grimaced.

"Yes, I know," she admitted.

"Then…"

"No chocolate," she said. "I could go down to the cafeteria and get you some soup or a salad."

"I miss the diner," he sighed.

"The diner grease probably quickened the heart attack," she stated.

"The heart condition…is hereditary."

He watched for her reaction, but she did not appear to be concerned.

"On my father's side…my uhm father died in his sleep," he said.

When she remained silent, he continued.

"My uhm mother was deaf. Two years ago I almost lost my hearing."

"You hear perfectly now," she announced.

"Corrective surgery."

"Then your hereditary conditions are minor," she pointed out.

He didn't know how to respond. He'd always considered them a flaw in his genetic makeup.

He never considered it just minor.

Sara took a deep breath. "My mother killed my father. I inherited the murder gene."

He frowned.

"Sara, I've told you I don't believe there is such a thing as a murder gene."

"I suggest that you try not to piss me off so we don't have to test that theory," she warned. She headed toward the door as he took the opportunity to reach for the box of chocolates.

"That would piss me off," she warned.

His hands let go of the box.

Note from author:

Fluff....how did it get in there....the stuff is like dust....it spreads...LOL

Take care!


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty Two:**

**Hovering Heart**

Their first day at home was a complete failure.

They argued on the way home.

It was a subtle disagreement that nagged into a full blown argument.

"You should rest," urged Sara.

"I'd done nothing but sit on that bed all day waiting to be discharged," he fumed.

"You look tired," she explained.

"Of course I'm tired! I'm tired of dealing with doctors and nurses and hospital food," he grumbled.

"You should have listened to the discharge instructions," she said.

"I'm just relieved to be out of that place," he said.

"The nurse was adamant about the importance of following the discharge instructions."

He nodded, but she knew he wasn't listening.

He tried to pull his phone from his pocket.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm checking my messages," he said.

"You never checked your messages before the…uhm heart attack," she breathed.

He wasn't listening. He deleted each of the messages and frowned when he noticed some spanned three months.

He grumbled when he could not get the phone back into his pocket.

She leaned over to help, but it only seemed to infuriate him.

"You'll need to limit your trips up and down the stairs," she said.

He'd forgotten about the stairs.

He frowned.

This was not going the way he'd hoped.

He was still very weak and the incisions either hurt or itched.

He had difficulty getting up from a sitting position.

His leg still hurt as well. The graft had been necessary but they had removed it from the same leg with the bad knee.

_If I had been conscious I could have told them…._

_If I had told Sara she could have told them…_

_If I had prepared for the surgery, she wouldn't look as if I'm an invalid…_

He stared out the window and wondered if he'd made a mistake by letting her stay with him.

"Grissom?"

"Griss?"

She reached out and touched his shoulder.

"What?" he asked sounding a bit irritated.

"You want me to go over the instructions with you?"

"I'm quite capable of reading the instructions myself," he huffed.

"I was just trying…"

His phone rang and she was surprised when he answered.

She kept her eyes on the road and tried to ignore the conversation.

It was Brass.

"Keep me advised," he said in a low voice.

It was not low enough as she glared at him.

"You're on medical leave for eight weeks," she reminded him.

"I can be kept under advisement…even on medical leave," he replied.

She could feel the heat radiating from her cheeks.

Grissom quickly diverted his eyes to the window.

_Gonzales is resurfacing…._

_Just great…_

_At least she's not working…_

They arrived at his house and he slowly stepped out of the vehicle.

He stumbled for a moment but he caught himself.

It was apparent he was exhausted.

She eyed him closely.

"You need to rest," she instructed.

"I can rest later," he said.

"Yes, but the instructions were…"

"Sara, I know when I'm tired," he snapped.

The conversation continued inside the house.

He took one look at the stairs and grimaced. He glanced at the couch and headed toward it, but she blocked his path. Her arm slipped around his waist as she directed him toward the stairs, but he refused to let her help.

"Grissom, you can't make it on your own," she stated.

He started toward the stairs on his own, but once again, she stepped into his path.

Her hands were folded in front of her in defiance.

He turned and headed toward the couch.

She was there once again.

"Sara, I'd like to sit down before I fall down," he grumbled.

She quickly got out of the way. He eased himself down onto the couch.

He grabbed the stack of mail sitting on the coffee table and began sifting through it.

"I uhm went through your mail," she said.

His head shot up.

"I only opened the utility bills," she explained. "They needed to be paid."

"Thank…you," he said.

"You did the same for me…when I…was in the hospital," she said.

He wiped his brow, and suddenly, her hand was on his forehead.

"I don't have a fever," he announced.

"We have to be careful. The instructions…"

He dismissed her as he threw the rest of the mail down on the table.

"Grissom, you have to follow the instructions if you…"

She fumed when he interrupted her to ask about the messages on the answering machine.

"There are four," she said between clenched teeth.

She was about to repeat herself when he pushed the button and began listening to the messages.

She glanced at her watch and pulled out his medication, handing him some water.

"Now?"

"It's time," she explained.

"Maybe after dinner," he said as he pushed it back.

She refused to take it.

"I'm capable of taking my own medicine," he said as he reached for the medicine bottle.

She refused to give it to him.

He scowled.

"I may not be able to climb those stairs, but I can take my medicine when I need it."

"I didn't mean to imply that you…"

She frowned when the doorbell rang.

She opened it to find the others.

"We wanted to see Grissom before shift," explained Nick.

"We uhm just got home," she tried to explain as they stepped into the living room.

Sara watched as the guys sat down and began talking about the lab.

Grissom was full of questions.

Sara stood off to herself.

Catherine glanced at her. "Is he being obstinate?"

"So far," she huffed.

"He's just trying to hold onto some independence," whispered Catherine.

Warrick sat down beside Grissom. "How's it going?"

"It took all day just to get released, but we're finally home," replied Grissom.

"Grandpa Olaf had heart surgery. He was thankful he had a one story home," said Greg as he glanced around.

Grissom glanced at the stairs.

"You need any help?" asked Nick.

"That would be great, Nicky," admitted Grissom.

Sara watched as the guys helped Grissom upstairs.

Catherine watched her expression. "I take it, he refused to let you help?" she asked.

"He's exhausted but insisted on the couch," whispered Sara.

"Try to understand his condition," urged Catherine.

"I do. He almost died. He just got out of the hospital and is still at risk for infection. I understand his condition," she breathed trying to ignore the raw emotions she thought she had worked through.

She followed Catherine upstairs as she kept a watchful distance from Grissom.

She said nothing as the guys continued to chat with Grissom. She fumed as he continued to tire. She bit her lower lip to keep from saying anything.

"Get some rest, Grissom," they called as the guys headed out of the bedroom. Catherine leaned against the doorway as she watched Sara adjust the pillows only to have Grissom readjust them again. Sara handed him a book, but he merely tossed it onto the other side of the bed.

"Can I get you anything?" asked Sara.

"No," he said sounding rather tired and frustrated.

"I'll leave you two alone," said Sara as she hurried past Catherine without a word.

"Trying to run her off again?" asked Catherine.

"I'm quite capable of fluffing my pillows or getting my book…I'm not an invalid," he huffed.

"She knows that. Can you imagine how she feels? For the first twelve hours, she thought it was her fault that you had a heart attack."

"It was inevitable," he explained.

"She didn't know that. She kept telling us over and over, it was her fault because she had done something…never said what...only that it upset you."

"She didn't…do anything," he said sadly.

"Let her hover," whispered Catherine. "She needs to know that you're going to be alright. You are, right?"

"Don't get comfortable as supervisor," he announced.

It made Catherine smile. "And just when Ecklie and I were getting chummy."

Grissom looked shocked.

"A joke," she teased.

"I'll send her up," said Catherine as she headed downstairs.

He waited for her to come up, but she didn't.

Minutes went by and yet she did not show.

He sat there helplessly as he waited.

He knew better than to attempt the stairs by himself.

She finally emerged.

He glanced up, and she was standing in the doorway.

"Could we talk?" he asked.

"I was going to start dinner," she said.

"I don't care about dinner," he replied.

"You have to eat. Grissom, you were released with medical instructions…look, this doesn't seem to be working. Maybe you need a nurse who would insist…"

"Sit with me?" he asked.

She reluctantly sat down in the chair rather than the bed.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm not used to this."

"No need to explain," she said as she started to get up.

He quickly extended his hand to her, but she let it fall back on the bed.

"It doesn't mean I don't want you here," he said. "I do."

"Grissom…I'm sorry if I…I don't mean to make you feel…I just need to do these things, okay?"

"Sara…I'm sorry if I…I don't mean to make you feel… I just need to try to do these things, okay?"

They both smiled at one another.

"Could we try again?" he asked.

"Want me to drive you back to the hospital?" she asked.

"Let's just start fresh…now," he said.

She smiled.

"Could I take a nap…before dinner?" he asked.

"Sure," she said as she smoothed out the covers.

"Would you stay…with me?" he asked.

She started to slip back into the chair, but he quickly added, "You could lie down…with me."

She glanced at the other side of the bed.

"Just until I fall to sleep," he explained.

She slid into the covers keeping on her side of the bed.

He glanced at her.

"I can't lie on my side," he said. "Do you mind coming closer?"

She inched her way closer, being mindful of his battered chest.

"Is this okay?" she asked as her head rested gently on his shoulder.

"Much better," he said. "I've not been sleeping well."

"Pain?"

"Dreams," he explained.

"Dreams?"

"Nightmares…about the surgery," he clarified. "I dreamed I lived."

"Is that bad?" she asked worriedly.

"I couldn't find you…in my dream. There would be no pleasure in living…without you."

She hid her eyes from him.

"Chinese…would be good," he said. "I hated the hospital food."

"I'll check the instructions," she said. "I'll order it as long as it's applicable to your new diet plan."

"Diet plan?"

"Cholesterol free heart happy diet plan."

"Right," he replied.

"Sara?"

"Hmmm?"

"I don't think I'm going to like that diet book," he warned.

She smiled.

"The last time were here…in bed, you kissed me," he said.

"I remember you kissed me back," she replied.

"When I thought I was dying…trying to get through the pain…I remembered that kiss."

"When you uhm stopped breathing…and I was trying to revive you…I kept thinking…the kiss wasn't enough," she said trying very hard not to cry.

"It isn't. I'd like to do something about that," he said.

"Griss…"

He could hear the fear in her voice.

"When our hearts are better," he whispered. "In the meantime, could I kiss you?"

She looked up and his lips parted hers.

It was sweet and gentle and stirred far too many emotions for both of them.

"Sleep," she instructed.

"Yes...dear."

She snuggled close to his heart as she silently counted the heart beats as they both drifted to sleep.

Note from author:

Thanks to so many of you who are leaving a review for each chapter. I enjoy hearing from you...no matter where you are...even if you are from France, Britain, Australia, Canada or the U.S. etc....

Thanks again and take care!


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty Three:**

**Sound of Your Heart**

She lay there as she listened to his steady breathing.

She could feel the stitches through his shirt but she didn't care.

He was alive.

She rose slightly to check the clock.

"What time is it?" he whispered.

She was surprised that he was awake.

"We missed dinner," she said sitting up.

"Thank you," he said. "I needed the sleep more."

"How about some soup?" she offered.

"That would be nice," he said.

He grabbed her hand. "Sara, we never talked about that day…when we…I wasn't sorry that I kissed you. I was just sorry…about not knowing whether I would be around to do it again."

"You are. You're uhm not going to…die," she stammered.

"No, I'm not," he said as he started to kiss the palm of her hand, but she gently pulled back.

"I'll uhm go get that soup," she said as she scurried away.

He slowly pulled himself out of the bed.

He stepped into the bathroom and stared into the mirror.

_Still the same but different…_

_You were dead but now alive…_

He lifted the shirt to reveal the stitches.

"Hey, Griss…" she stopped when she saw the scar. He quickly tried to hide it.

"I uhm forgot to ask you what kind of soup," she said.

"Surprise me," he said as he leaned against the sink.

"Need any help?" she asked.

"I was uhm going to shower," he explained.

She started to leave but stopped. "My uhm scars are as deep as yours," she whispered. "You just don't see them."

"I feel them," he whispered as his hand caressed her cheek.

"I could help…you with the buttons," she offered.

Her hands shook slightly as she unbuttoned his shirt. Her fingers traced the jagged edges of the stitches.

She gently leaned forward and kissed his chest.

His heart reacted to her touch.

"I'll uhm just wait out here…until you're done," she said.

"It's not necessary," he murmured.

"No soup until you're out," she said as she sat down on the bed.

He closed the door but did not lock it. She stood there on the other side of the door and listened intently.

_He's fine…_

_He's not going to fall…_

_His heart is sound…_

_The doctor said so…_

She could not seem to shake the fear.

He later stepped out in a robe.

"Soup now?" he asked.

"Coming up," she said with a smile.

She returned with a tray as he continued to struggle with buttoning his pajama shirt. Her fingers quickly buttoned the shirt.

"Show off," he teased.

"Tomato soup," she announced.

He frowned.

"Speak up next time," she warned.

He grinned. "I like tomato soup."

She later removed the tray once he was finished. They spent the next several hours talking. As the conversation dwindled, she felt he no longer wanted her company.

"I'll uhm just be in the next room if you need anything," she said.

He watched her take the tray downstairs as he settled into the bed.

He winced as he tried to lift his hands above his head.

She stood at his doorway now.

"Night," she called as she headed down the hall.

"Hey, Sara?"

She returned quickly.

"I may have your pillows in here," he said.

"That's okay," she said.

"I don't need this many," he said as he tried to toss one to her.

She reached for it.

"Night," she said as she disappeared into the next room.

The house was dark for a moment.

"Sara?"

"Yes?"

"Did I really die?"

She appeared in the doorway.

"Yes, you did," she replied now glad the house was dark. She let the tears pool in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. That must have been hard on you," he said.

"It uhm was," she said as she stood there in her gown.

"I meant to tell you…eventually."

"Really? We just figured you intended to let us find out when you dropped dead."

_Ouch!_

_I sense a bit of hostility…_

"I didn't know how to tell you," he admitted.

"You should have…figured out a way," she remarked.

He caught a hint of pain.

"I didn't want to add to your pain," he explained.

"Don't uhm do it again," she said.

"I won't," he promised.

She returned to her bed only to have him call out her name again.

"Yes?"

"Does this mean I can't have your pancakes anymore?" he asked.

She smiled. "I think we can make pancakes."

He was quiet for a moment.

"Sara?"

"Yes?"

"Are you warm enough?" he asked.

"I'm good."

The silence returned.

"Are you warm enough?" she asked suddenly.

"I'm a little cold," he admitted.

"I'll turn up the heat," she offered.

He listened as she padded down the hall and then stopped at his door.

"You want another blanket?" she asked.

"I'll be fine."

She stepped away from the door once again.

She waited, but this time he said nothing.

She sat up in bed and listened.

There was no sound from his room.

An hour passed and yet she sat there in bed trying to listen for him.

"Sara?"

She hurled herself out of bed and practically ran into his room.

"What's wrong?"

"I was going to ask you that…you're not sleeping," he said.

"How did you know?" she asked.

"You take slow even breaths…when you're asleep," he explained.

"I uhm was listening for you," she said.

"Why?"

She shrugged not wishing to admit she was afraid he would merely stop breathing.

He extended his hand.

She curled up next to him.

"I'm not going to leave you," he promised.

She sniffled.

He hugged her tight despite the pain.

"Night," he whispered.

"Night," she whispered.

"Grissom?"

"Hmm?"

"I like the sound of your heart," she whispered.

"Me, too," he admitted.

Her hand locked with his as she closed her eyes.

"Sara?"

"Hmmm?"

"Did you give me mouth to mouth?" he asked.

"Yes…I did," she replied.

"Thank you," he whispered as he kissed her softly on the lips.

Morning came. The sun drifted through the window but they remained sleeping. She stretched letting her foot slide up his leg. He woke immediately to the sensation.

"I'm sorry. Did I hurt your leg?" she asked.

"No," he replied.

He watched her scramble from the bed. She murmured something about breakfast and medication, but he was too busy forcing his body to calm down from her touch.

He stared at the food on his plate.

"Is there something wrong?" she asked.

"I don't like this," he said.

"It's one of the recipes," she explained.

He pushed it away.

She pushed it back.

"You eat it," he said.

"I uhm didn't have the heart attack," she countered.

He frowned, and she could not help but kiss him fully on the lips.

He pulled the plate back and took a bite.

"How is it?" she asked.

"It's awful," he declared.

She smirked. "I'm going to fix vegetarian lasagna tonight."

"I can hardly wait," he mumbled.

Her laughter floated in the air.

It made him smile as he cleaned his plate.

"I thought you said it was awful," she said.

"It is…but if it will make you laugh, I'll eat the stuff."

She smiled.

They fell into a routine. She hovered less and less as he made his way up and down the stairs without shortness of breath.

With each day, he grew stronger and stronger.

The incisions healed leaving only the scar.

Each night, her fingers traced its jagged path as her lips left feathery kisses.

He wanted her.

She ignored the stares as she slipped out of his bed each morning.

There had been nothing sexual since the first night he had invited her to sleep with him.

Before his kiss had been gentle and soft, but now, he deepened each kiss causing a sense of wanton sexual desire. He seemed to ease the assault after a few minutes, and she wondered which of them was holding back.

Grissom glanced down at the ring on her hand.

It cooled any desire he felt.

"Ready to go for a walk?" she asked.

"Your end of the block or mine?" he teased.

"I thought we would go for a drive and then walk," she offered.

He quickly headed toward the front door.

"Grab your jacket," she called. "It wouldn't hurt…"

"Sara?"

"Hmmm?"

"It's snowing," he announced.

"I'm not falling for that," she declared.

"Have you driven in snow before?" he asked.

"I have all wheel drive…and no, I haven't, but then, it doesn't matter since it's not snowing. I'm not about to fall for…" she stopped in midsentence as she gawked at the snow.

"Maybe we should stay home," he said.

She grabbed his hand and ran outside.

He stood there in his jacket as she peered up at the sky.

She twirled around and around as she stretched out her hands and tried to catch the falling snow.

"You should get a jacket," he chided.

"Has it ever snowed in Vegas?" she asked.

"Not since I've been here," he announced.

"I've never seen it snow," she admitted.

"Never?"

"Let's just walk in the neighborhood," he said as he stepped inside, grabbing her jacket.

"I can drive," she insisted.

"No complaints," he said. "Hey, Sara?"

She turned, and he hit her square in the face with a snowball.

He chuckled as she scrambled to pick some up.

"You wouldn't hit…"

He looked shocked as he wiped the snow from his face.

A few snowballs flew by as they dodged between the vehicles.

He managed to hit her again as she leaned out from the vehicle.

Grissom laughed as she yelled at the direct hit.

He lost his footing on the slippery substance bringing him down hard onto the ground.

"Grissom!"

She was quickly by his side. "Are you alright?" she asked anxiously.

He sat there chuckling through the pain. "I think I hurt…my pride."

"Get up slowly," she cautioned.

She helped despite his protest.

She pulled him toward the door, but he refused to budge.

"We didn't do our walk," he stated.

"We're skipping the walk," she said as she pulled him back toward the door.

"Sara…"

"No!" she yelled. It caught him by surprise.

"Okay," he said softly.

He followed her without another word. She grabbed his jacket, throwing them on the end of the couch.

"It's time for your medicine anyway," she said.

She handed him the pills along with a glass of water.

He took them without complaint.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you," he whispered.

She launched herself into his arms as her mouth sought his. He eagerly took it as his hands caressed her body. Their breathing became labored as the emotions intensified. He could easily make love to her, but she slowly pulled away.

She cursed inwardly as she forced herself to step back.

"You're uhm feeling much better," she said. "I think I'm done here."

His chest plummeted at the implication.

"You'll be returning to work in two weeks," she breathed.

"Sara…"

"I'll uhm go upstairs and get my things," she said.

He quickly grabbed her hand.

"Stay," he said.

She wanted to stay.

She wasn't sure why she felt the urge to leave at that moment.

"I'll just be next door," she said.

She was gone within a few minutes.

Note from author:

I know...what a way to end it but just hang in there until this evening and I will post another chapter. Thanks to all who review. I forgot to mention Ireland in my last note. How could I forget her??? I appreciate everyone who takes the time to leave a review. It lets me know the readers are not growing tired of GSR as I soon fear will happen. Yes, I have another story in the works but not sure how long it will be before it is ready. I have begun to proof read it now that I am on chapter 20. By the way, this story has 26 chapters....yeah....I can't count....LOL

Take care!


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty four:**

**My Heart Flutters**

He returned to work with a vengeance.

He sifted through the open cases as Catherine updated him on the lab.

Grissom listened intently as she filled in every detail including Ecklie's concern about a relationship between a certain brunette and her boss.

"We're friends," he announced.

Catherine stared at him in disbelief. "That must be some friendship," muttered Catherine. "I kind of thought things would be different by now."

So did he.

He tried to hide his disappointment.

The last two weeks had seemed to be a cooling off period.

While they still talked to one another before bed each night, there had been no further contact.

He hated it.

He thought she would change her mind after the first night.

Sara stepped into the break room and grabbed a cup of coffee.

"So how is our Ms. Nightingale?" asked Nick.

She made a face when she tasted the coffee.

"You look tired," commented Nick as he stared at her.

"Trying to get used to graveyard again," she said. "I've been back a week, and still, I can't seem to adjust."

She hadn't slept well ever since she returned to her home.

It seemed her abrupt departure had all but ended their attempt at a relationship.

He did not invite her over nor did he seem to even miss her.

_He needed me rather than wanted me…_

_That's not true…_

_He said so himself…_

Her head hurt from the lack of sleep as well as the doubts that flitted through her brain.

"Grissom looks good," said Nick.

She had worked a double and had not seen him since she returned from the field.

"Meeting in five minutes," Grissom called at the door. He did not even stop to acknowledge Sara's presence.

_So…._

_We're back to that again…_

Grissom grabbed Brass by the arm as he hurried down the hall.

"What happened last night?" asked Grissom.

"Matthews was arrested. He'll go to prison before he rats on Gonzales," whispered Brass.

"Does Sara know?" asked Grissom.

"Not yet," replied Brass. "Listen, a search of Matthews' house turned up something interesting."

"How interesting?" asked Grissom.

"A box of wedding rings," whispered Brass.

"Blake wasn't wearing his ring when his body was found," said Grissom.

"They all look the same…except for one or two with inscriptions…they were linked to two persons who were found murdered."

Grissom smiled. "I think we may have a way of getting Matthews for murder. It will be circumstantial evidence, but there may be enough on the other cases to charge him. I just wish we could link him to Blake's murder."

"You going to tell her?" asked Brass.

"I think it would be best if it came from me," admitted Grissom.

"So how are the two of you…"

Brass grumbled as Grissom took off down the hall without letting Brass finish.

He handed out assignments.

Once he was done, his eyes finally left his notepad and came to rest on Sara.

The others dispersed but Sara remained seated.

She could not seem to look away.

"Get some sleep," called Nick to Sara as he left.

Grissom glanced at Nick, but his eyes returned to Sara.

She took the moment to stand, but he quickly asked her to stay.

"I need to talk with you," he said.

"I uhm just pulled a double. I'm pretty beat."

"Sara, Matthews was arrested last night."

She quickly slumped back into the seat.

"He's being charged with attempted murder. There's a possibility of additional charges. I just wanted you to know."

She nodded.

He glanced around and once finding them alone, he reached out and took her hand. "I've missed you."

"You saw me every day…right before…I slept," she said.

At least they had kept up the ritual of waving good night to one another.

"I missed you…with me," he explained.

It did her heart good to hear him admit it but she wondered if he was just concerned for her well being, knowing how much she hated Matthews.

"I'm not going to go anywhere near the Matthews case," she stated.

She started to leave, but he refused to let go of her hand. His fingers toyed with the wedding ring.

"You uhm still wear this," he pointed out.

"It's the first ring I've ever worn," she whispered. "Blake said he had our rings specially made…from a family heirloom."

"So…they're made from the same gold?" he asked.

She nodded. "He uhm never took his off. He wasn't wearing it when…uhm they found his body."

Grissom took a deep breath. "Could I have it?" he asked.

She looked at him as she shook her head as she slowly backed away from him. "Why?"

He stood taking her into his arms. "Please Sara," he whispered into her ear. "I know I'm asking a lot…but please. Would you let me…keep it…for awhile…I promise to give it back?"

She slipped off the ring and slowly relinquished it.

"I'll take good care of it," he promised.

He took off before she could say another word.

She glanced down at her barren finger.

It seemed odd without the gold band.

She hid her hands in her pockets as she clocked out.

She slept little that day as she stared at the imprint on her hand. It was the last remaining remnant of her previous life with Blake, and she found herself in a pool of tears as she struggled to understand Grissom's desire to take it from her.

_He said he'd give it back…_

_Maybe he wants me to let go…_

_Can't continue with our relationship with it on my hand…_

The next night she was determined to speak with him but was angry when she was told he was in an interrogation and could not be disturbed. She grabbed her assignments and fled the lab. She returned a few hours later, but still, he remained unavailable. She cursed inwardly when the shift came to an end, and yet, she did not have her ring back or any explanation from Grissom.

She slammed the fridge as she chugged a bottle of water. She would have jogged had it not been for the cool air. Slumping down on the couch, she remembered another time she had gone out jogging only to find Grissom parked outside her apartment. It was the day she had revealed her marriage and the pregnancy.

She was startled when the doorbell rang.

She threw open the door and found him standing there.

He looked exhausted.

"I'm sorry, I know you're probably tired, but I need to talk with you," he explained.

"You've been out of pocket all night," she said.

"I know. I'll explain…could we sit down?" he asked.

She quickly opened her door, ushering him over to the couch.

"Do you want something to drink?" she asked.

"Water would be nice," he said as he leaned back.

She stopped and ran her hand over his forehead. "You okay?"

"I'm tired," he admitted as he squeezed her hand before releasing it.

He drank the water as she sat down across from him.

Grissom leaned forward and took her hands into his.

"I uhm can't give you back the ring," he said.

"Why…not?"

"If I did…would you put it back on your finger?" he asked.

She wasn't sure at the moment.

"My uhm heart is healed," he whispered. "It's got scars…but it's healed."

He gently kissed her on the lips. "Are you, Sara?"

His finger slightly traced the indention on her finger.

"I uhm don't think I'll ever stop loving…Blake," she whispered.

He felt his chest tighten.

"But…I've always loved you…even before Blake," she admitted as a single tear slipped down her cheek.

He wiped it away as he kissed her once more.

"The ring…"

"I think it's time I put it away," she whispered.

"I'll have Nick return it after…the case is over," he said.

"Case?"

"When Matthews was caught, they found a box full of rings. Two of the rings had inscriptions inside. We were able to match them with two murdered victims in another city. After we were able to find some additional circumstantial evidence, we confronted Matthews. Matthews is going to be tried for those murders. I compared the gold in your band to the other rings found in Matthew's possession, and there was a match. With this evidence along with the video surveillance tape, we'll bury him in circumstantial evidence…we'll get him for the murder of Blake, Sara."

"This is what you've been working on for the past twenty four hours?" she asked. "Even before we came back to work?"

"Yes," he admitted.

She pulled him into her arms. "Thank you, Grissom."

"Since I can't give you the ring back..." He pulled out a locket in the shape of a heart from his pocket and placed it in Sara's hand.

She opened the locket and stared at it in disbelief.

"I thought if there was enough room in this locket for these…you could find enough room in your heart for me," he whispered.

On one side of the locket she saw a photo of Blake, and on the other was a photo of Grissom holding Cady.

She quickly kissed him.

"You think we could go to bed now?" he asked.

"Yes."

She grabbed his hand and started to pull him upstairs when he stopped her.

"This is the past," he said as he gently pulled her toward the door. "Come with me."

She followed him across the street. She glanced back at her house, but she quickly looked forward.

As they entered his bedroom, he pulled her into his arms. "Mind if we just sleep?"

She smiled.

He was asleep immediately, giving way to the exhaustion.

Sara gently placed a kiss on his lips as she quietly rose from the bed. She tiptoed down the stairs grabbing a bottle of water. Silently, she walked back to her house, stepping inside and leaned against the door as she glanced around the room. She pulled out a book from the book shelf removing the envelope containing the letter Blake had written last year.

She curled up on the couch as she opened the letter.

_Dear Sara,_

_If you are reading this letter, then I have done the unthinkable and left you alone. It was never my intention. Know that I fought very hard to stay with you, but I don't regret a single moment with you…even those moments of doubt when I felt that you loved someone else…much more than me._

_I'm not sure how I can say goodbye to the best part of my life. You've given me so much and yet I cannot help but feel that you never belonged to me. I think we were only meant to be together for a brief time. Know that I loved you from the moment I saw you. My heart flutters just thinking about that moment. I knew my life would never be the same and thank God, I was right. _

_As I write this, it gives me hope that there is some validity in those old fears. I pray that person is Grissom. He is a good and honorable man. Although he does not say it, I know he loves you deeply. I am not sure why he sought only friendship, but I am thankful because I think you would have been very happy with him. I am so very thankful for the time that you did love me. I pray that you will not mourn my death but be happy in knowing that I would have gladly given away a chance for a long life in exchange for a single moment with you._

_I pray that you reach out to Grissom and to your friends at this hour, and that God breathes life into the life that we've created. I know you're scared of becoming a mother, but you were meant to be a mother, Sara. I watch the way your hands move protectively over our unborn child. I know that you would protect her with your last breath. I worry about the latest test results because I fear you would blame yourself if anything should go wrong._

_Life is not ours to give Sara. If God so chooses to take our child, then I pray that you will embrace the memories of the brief time we called ourselves a parent. I pray that at that moment I or someone is there to hold you as you fall apart. I pray that someone is Grissom._

_I pray that all of this is unnecessary, and that I am with you when Cady takes her first breath. I cannot imagine holding a part of you and me. If that is not to happen, it is my prayer that Grissom is there by your side. I have asked him to look over you and Cady if something should happen._

_It gives me peace in knowing that he would give his life in protecting what I cherish. I do cherish you, Sara. You are the best part of me, and if I die tomorrow, I will die a happy man because I loved and was loved. What more could a man ever want in life? Be happy, Sara. Brush yourself off and love again. You were meant to be loved and cherished; but most of all, you were meant to have a family._

_All my love,_

_Blake_

_P.S _

_I was right, wasn't I?_

She folded the letter and placed it back into the envelope as she swiped at her cheeks.

_Yes, you were right…_

_I've always loved Grissom…_

_I loved you also…_

She sat there until the sunlight began to dim outside. There was a slight tap on her door. She continued to sit there until it became persistent. Slowly, she made her way to the door. She knew it would be Grissom.

She brushed herself off and swiped the tears from her face.

_Here goes, Blake…_

She opened the door and tried to act as if she had been expecting him. He seemed concerned about her appearance, but he stood there quietly.

"I uhm read Blake's letter," she explained. "It would have…helped…if I had read it months ago."

"He was a good man," said Grissom feeling as if he was intruding on something.

"He said that about you," she replied.

"I was worried…about you when I woke and you were gone," he said.

"I had…one last thing to do," she said as she grabbed his hand before shutting her door and stepping outside.

"Would you uhm like to take a walk?" she asked.

They looked up and laughed.

It had begun to snow again.

"Strange Vegas weather, we're having," he said as he kissed her. "Snow has a way of making everything look new and fresh…sort of like a rebirth."

She felt that way at the moment.

She felt as if they were about to embark on a change in their relationship.

"Have dinner with me," she said with a smile.

"I'd love to," he replied.

She smiled at his quick response.

There was no hesitation.

Her hand rested on his chest.

His hand cupped her face as he leaned forward and kissed her tenderly.

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her fully on the lips. It took her breath away.

He kissed her again.

She was not prepared for his lips to devour hers as he deepened the kiss. Years of yearning were poured into that kiss and she felt her knees weaken from the desire.

She slowly pulled herself from his grasp.

"You take my breath away," she gasped.

"You've always had that effect on me," he smiled with a slight twinkle in his eye.

He grinned. "I'm sort of old fashioned."

Her smile faded. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"I was going to wait awhile…let you get used to being without the old…before giving you a new one."

She looked confused until she felt him slip the ring onto her finger.

"Marry me, Sara."

She stood there as the snow fell silently down upon their heads.

He became nervous when she did not reply.

"It's a bit cold out here," he said. "Maybe we should go inside."

"Yes."

It was his turn to look confused.

"Yes?"

"Yes."

"Yes what?" he asked.

"Yes, I'll marry you and yes, let's go inside."

He grabbed her into his arms as he swung her around.

"Grissom stop!" she scolded.

"You make my heart happy," he whispered.

Note from author:

Fluff as the snow falls.... I forgot to mention Scotland....any others? If there are, you are appreciated!

Leave a review!

Take care!


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty Five:**

**Sweet Hearts**

"You think anyone will notice?" she asked as she slid into his vehicle.

"No," he said with a smile. "They're used to seeing a ring on your finger…but mine?"

He held up his hand and flashed it.

She flashed her Sidle smile in return.

He lovingly caressed her cheek.

"Thank you…for marrying me," he said.

"It was that or put up with dating and courtships," she teased. "You weren't serious about dating…were you?"

"I've wanted you as my wife…for years. I don't think I could have waited another day," he admitted.

She smiled her Sidle smile. "Sara Grissom…I like the sound of it."

"You didn't mind…that we got married in front of a priest…without the others?" he asked.

"I didn't need the others…just you," she said.

"Remember that when Catherine and Jim bombard us with guilt," he said as drove back to his house.

"Think anyone noticed…that we're off at the same time?" she asked.

"Sara, we haven't had a day off in two months," he stated. "I think we're entitled to a few days."

"I know we decided not to go anywhere…"

"But?" he asked worriedly.

"But, I really don't want to go anywhere. I just want to hide out in our house."

"I like the sound of that," he said as he kissed her hand.

He drove into the driveway and quickly walked to her side of the vehicle.

She glanced over at her house.

The 'For Sale' sign had been in the yard for less than two weeks when it was sold.

He noticed her reaction.

"You have any regrets?" he asked fearfully.

She shook her head. "This is my home now."

"I love you, Sara," he whispered.

"I love you, too."

"Maybe…"

They reached the top of the stairs, and she turned suddenly hushing him with her lips.

"Now that we're married…"

She did not get to finish as she felt herself being pushed to the bed as he grabbed her into his arms.

Within minutes, their clothes were discarded on the floor.

His eyes roamed up and down her body.

She was thankful that the bedroom was dimly lit.

His body stretched out over hers and her body tingled from the sensation of his.

She shifted to accommodate him but he did not initiate anything but rather lay to the side and pulled her into an embrace.

"I uhm always wanted to do this…with you," he whispered.

"I've waited for years," she breathed.

He quickly kissed her as she maneuvered her body over his.

She straddled his midsection and felt his erection.

She stared into his eyes as she gave him a Sidle smile.

In one swift movement, she found herself on her back.

He entered her slightly, and she moaned.

She closed her eyes anticipating the sensation she had longed to feel.

She waited for him to plunge into her, but he held himself.

Her eyes shot open.

"Don't close your eyes, Sara," he pleaded.

A single tear slipped down her cheek.

"Please, Sara," he whispered.

She nodded just as he plunged into her.

She arched her back and felt him thrust again.

She met each thrust as their bodies rode each wave of pleasure.

It was not to last as the anticipation of this moment overwhelmed them.

They climaxed simultaneously.

He lay there panting beside her.

Her breathing slowed.

His hand stroked her hair as he leaned down and kissed her.

She rolled over so that they were face to face.

"Why did you…want me to keep my eyes open?" she asked.

It was then that she saw his vulnerability as she wiped his cheeks.

She quickly kissed him over and over as she felt her own tears give way.

"I uhm need to tell you something," she whispered. "I met Blake one night on a case. It had been a bad one. I couldn't go home so…I went to this bar. I'd been doing that a lot. Blake had noticed it, too. He uhm…chewed me out…it wasn't pleasant. One minute he was being nice and then he…he reminded me of you. You always seemed to have a way of making me do things I didn't want to do. Blake made me face my drinking…and the real problem."

She glanced at Grissom. "The real problem was you. I wanted you…but you didn't want me."

"Sara…"

She stopped him with a kiss. "I understand now…but then…I was a mess…I became Blake's mess. He wanted no part of a mess, and he told me under no uncertain terms was he going to get involved with…anyone but me. He wanted me…mistakes and all. He uhm knew I was hurt because we were no longer friends. He suspected it was more but it wasn't. I hid my feelings for you while I fell in love with Blake. He wanted both of us to go slow…make sure…but then I got pregnant, and then nothing else seemed to matter. We both just wanted a family."

She took a deep breath. "I love you, Grissom. I think I've loved you forever. Blake knew that, but he also knew that I loved him. I did…but I never stopped loving you…never stopped wanting to be a part of your life…any part…was better than nothing."

Her lips lingered a moment on his before dipping down to kiss the scar on his chest.

"Our hearts have been through so much," she whispered.

"I uhm wanted you, Sara. I've always wanted you, but by the time I was willing to let myself think there was a chance, I was diagnosed with the heart condition. I came to your apartment that day hoping to tell you…before the surgery…but then you told me about Blake and the baby. I was happy for you…but I thought my heart would surely give out…knowing what I could have had but lost."

"Let's not…talk about this anymore," she said wiping her eyes.

"I think we needed this…to know what was always in our hearts," he whispered.

He shifted so that his body covered hers.

He made love to her slowly this time taking the time to learn her body as she did his. With each time he made love to her, her hand rested on his chest, always observant of the exertion.

"My heart is…safe with you, Sara," he whispered just as he dozed. She kissed him tenderly on his chest as her head rested there. "Always safe with me," she replied.

"What do you mean you're married?" huffed Catherine as Brass chuckled over the spectacle she was making of herself.

"We uhm got married," smiled Grissom as he glanced down the hall.

"So…where is your bride?" asked Catherine.

"I sent her out on a case," he replied.

"Some romantic," she sneered.

"Actually we flipped for it," he said with a grin. "I lost."

"I can't imagine having to go out on a case as a win," she said.

"It is…if you have to stay behind and face your wrath," replied Grissom.

Catherine grabbed a cup of coffee and stormed out of the break room.

Brass continued to chuckle.

Grissom glanced at him. "No words from you?"

Brass held up his hands. "I'm not complaining," he said as he headed toward the door. "As long as the first born is named after me."

Grissom's head shot up.

As soon as Brass disappeared, the guys appeared.

"We just heard you got married," frowned Nick.

Warrick immediately noticed the ring.

Congratulations were given.

"So, where's Sara?" asked Greg.

"She's…"

"She's right behind you," replied Sara.

Grissom took one look at her and smirked.

The guys turned around and began to laugh.

"It is so not funny," she said as she stood there drenched in a hot sticky substance.

Greg took a whiff.

"It smells like…"

"It's molasses," she said.

Grissom covered his mouth to stifle the chuckle.

"The uhm plant had an explosion," she said.

Grissom suddenly grew concerned. "Were you hurt?"

Sara could not help but laugh. "The officers were covered also. I had to put plastic on my car seat so I could drive back. The evidence…was covered also."

"I'll help," offered Grissom.

"I'm uhm going to go change," she said as she backed away from her husband. It did not deter him.

"Grissom…stop. What are you trying to do?" she asked as she continued to step away.

Grissom reached out wiping his finger on her cheek and inserted it in his mouth.

"Sweet…even with molasses," he whispered.

"Uh…excuse us," called Nick.

They glanced at the guys who stumbled over themselves to get out of the break room.

"You shouldn't have done that," she breathed.

"I love molasses," he said.

"I know," she smiled. "Grissom, stay away."

He ignored her plea as he hugged her to him.

"I could help you shower," he offered.

"Sorry," she whispered. "That would be against department policy."

He laughed. "Raincheck then?"

"You bet," she said as she broke free and hurried down the hall.

She smirked when he pulled out a jar of molasses as she lay on their bed that evening.

"What do you plan to do with that?" she asked rather wickedly.

"Pour it on you…don't worry. I'll remove it," he said with a devilish grin.

She licked her lips.

"Gil….this could get messy," she said.

"I don't mind," he said as he continued his approach.

"It took me awhile to get that stuff off me," she warned.

"I wasn't there to help," he countered.

"How do you plan to get it off?" she asked.

His smile made her moan out loud.

He grinned.

"It's sticky…not sure it's on your diet plan," she murmured.

"We'll make an exception," he said as he stepped toward her.

"Wait…let's talk about this," she said.

"I'd rather…"

He didn't finish as his lips found hers.

She squealed when she felt the first droplets of molasses. She moaned when she felt his lips on her navel.

"Gil?"

"Hmmm?"

"I love molasses," she murmured.

He grinned. "Me too…but it's not as sweet as you."

The molasses was abandoned soon as he inched his way into her. She tried to rush wanting release from the mindless buildup he'd caused from his ministrations with removing the molasses with his tongue. He insisted on going slow.

"Too slow,'' she gritted.

"Are you saying I'm as slow as molasses?" he teased.

"Gilbert!"

He thrust deeply, sending her body into a myriad of emotions.

Once they were both sated, he rolled over to stare at her.

"That uhm was…mindblowing," she breathed.

"Really? Heather taught me…"

He was hit full force with a pillow.

"Sara…"

"I need a shower," she said as she tried to scramble from the bed.

His hand clamped down on hers.

"As I was saying, Heather taught me that fantasies are best when they're with the person you love."

"Have you ever….with Heather?" she asked.

"No….only you. Besides, I never slept with Heather."

She smiled. "Did we use all of the molasses?"

He grinned. "I got extra…just in case."

"We have a few more hours before shift," she said licking her lips. "It's my turn."

They sat in the diner with the others.

His hand glided up her leg and she stiffened.

He grinned.

He felt his own nervousness when her hand traveled past his thigh and settled between his legs.

He glared at her as she grinned.

"You two are quiet," noted Catherine.

"We uhm didn't get much sleep," replied Sara.

Eyes shot up to look at the two.

"Honeymooners," sighed Brass.

"You're just jealous," chided Catherine.

"Yeah, I am," declared Brass.

Nick reached for the bottle of molasses.

"Hey Sara, want some molasses?" Nick teased.

"Oh yeah, the officers were ribbed quite a bit about the molasses incident," said Brass.

Sara and Grissom both grinned as they thought of the previous night's lovemaking.

Note from author:

Thank goodness Fanfiction is back up! I guess that means I have to get back to writing...)and my hubby thought he'd gotten his wife back! LOL)

Happy belated birthday to William Petersen!

Take care!


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty Six**

**Two Hearts Make Three**

A moving van drove up one day as Sara worked in her flower garden.

She watched as a young man directed the movers.

She turned her attention back to the flowers but glanced back when the wife walked out carrying a baby.

Sara swallowed.

_A family lives there now…_

_A man, a woman and baby…_

_Just the way it was meant to be…_

She could not help but stare at the way the husband's arm was wrapped protectively around his wife as he gazed down at the baby.

_Cherish every moment…_

"Sara?"

She turned to find Grissom beside her.

He glanced across the street.

"The neighbors are getting settled," he said.

She said nothing but knelt back down and began pulling the weeds again.

He dropped to his knees and began to help.

"You uhm don't have to worry about me," she whispered.

"I do," he admitted.

She leaned over and kissed him.

"That must hurt…seeing a family living there…maybe we should move," he said.

She quickly shook her head. "I like our house."

"Sara…your past is there…just across the street," he said.

"It doesn't bother me," she urged.

"Doesn't it? I thought I saw hurt in your eyes," he replied.

"My past is here in this locket around my neck…but so is my present and future. It's just a house, Grissom."

"It was once your home…with Blake and Cady."

Sara glanced once more at the couple.

"Yes…it was…I was happy there…but now I'm happy here…with you. The house should be a home again…it is…with them."

He reached out and pulled her into his arms. "I love you."

He rose pulling her up with him.

"Walk me to the car?" he asked.

She leaned her body up close to his.

"I'll be home tomorrow," he said as he glanced across the street.

She knew he was worried.

"Gil, they need your expertise on the time line regression."

"We've never been apart…since we were married," he replied sadly.

She smiled. She loved the sentimental part of him.

"It was bound to happen sooner or later," she sighed. "Don't worry. I'm fine."

She waved as he drove away.

She kept herself busy the rest of the day, counting down the minutes until she could go into work.

The house seemed different with Grissom gone.

She grabbed her car keys and headed out the door.

She glanced over and saw the young woman trying to juggle a bag of groceries while carrying the baby carrier.

The newborn wailed.

Sara opened her car door and started to get in but stopped when she saw the grocery bag rip, sending the contents onto the driveway.

She quickly walked across the street and began helping the woman.

"Thank you. I know I should have carried the baby in first but she's been a bit croupy," said the girl.

"She?" asked Sara.

The woman quickly removed the infant from the carseat.

"Her name is Elizabeth. We're going to call her Lizzy. My name is Emily Bowers," she said as she extended her hand. Sara took it. "Sara…Grissom."

"We've been meaning to come over and introduce ourselves, but the baby has been sick."

"I'm sorry. We don't socialize much…we work at night," explained Sara.

"I'll try not to bother you during the day," said Emily.

Sara glanced at the baby. "She's uhm beautiful," whispered Sara.

"It's been quite an adjustment," sighed the young mother. "We bought this house months ago, but then I went into premature labor and…we were in the hospital for a long time."

"Is she alright?" asked Sara.

"She's fine," smiled Emily. "We're slowly getting our lives back on track."

Sara nodded.

"Do you have any children?" asked Emily.

Sara felt a familiar pang stir within her.

She shook her head as she grabbed the groceries.

Emily unlocked the door and invited Sara in, but she declined citing work as she placed the groceries inside the door.

"Thanks…Sara."

She hurried across the street, got into her car, and drove away without looking back.

One look from Brass and she knew Grissom had called him.

She pulled out the print dust, opting for Grissom's homemade version and began work.

"Hey, Kiddo," he whispered as he leaned down.

She purposely dusted causing the red powder to swirl in the air, and he jumped back.

She grinned.

"You know he's worried about you," said Brass as he swiped at the dust.

"You can tell him he forgot to take out the trash…and that I'm fine," she said with a smile.

"How about we get something to eat later?" he asked.

"That would be good," she said.

She pretended not to be disappointed when he called to tell her he would be another day.

"How's the case?" asked Sara.

"How are you?" he asked. "You sound different."

"I'm tired," she admitted. "I don't sleep as well when you're not here."

"I'm sorry, Sara," he groaned.

"It's alright."

She was silent for a moment. "I uhm met our neighbor today. She dropped some groceries and…they have a newborn…a girl named Elizabeth."

"I wish I was there," he sighed.

"Are you sleeping?" she asked. "You sound tired. How about your medicine? You tend to forget when…"

"I haven't…I've taken good care of my heart…how's yours?"

"I'll admit it hurt…seeing the baby…but it was a sweet pain....a sweet memory of what I almost had."

"I'll be home as soon as I can," he promised.

"Griss?"

"Yes?"

"I love you…I miss you in our bed," she whispered as she rolled over and hugged his pillow.

"What are you wearing?" he asked.

She grinned. "Nothing."

He moaned. "I really miss you right now."

She laughed. "Actually, I'm wearing my pajama bottoms along with one of your t-shirts."

"I still miss you," he replied.

"Me, too. Sleep well," she whispered as she hung up.

She crawled off the bed and placed the cell phone on the dresser.

She stood at the window and glanced across the street.

_She bought shades…_

_Good for her…_

It was then she noticed the smoke billowing out of the kitchen window.

Sara flew down the stairs and ran across the street.

She banged on the door as she tried to assess the problem from the window.

The door was thrust open and Sara rushed in.

"I thought I had set it on low…it was on high," wailed Emily. "The whole kitchen is full of smoke."

The smoke alarm blared.

Emily grabbed the pot and pulled it into the sink.

She then opened all of the windows.

"It won't shut up!" wailed Emily.

"Been there," chuckled Sara. "We uhm have a ladder. I'll get it."

"Wait."

Emily quickly swiped at the alarm with the broom sending it crashing to the floor.

It beeped once more, and Emily beat it with the broom.

Sara hid the snicker.

"I hate cooking," she whined.

"It just takes some getting used to," explained Sara.

The baby began to cry, and Emily cursed.

Emily grabbed Sara by the arm. "Come upstairs."

"I can't…"

"Please, Sara. I haven't had a chance to meet anyone…you're the only real conversation I've had since James left."

"Left?"

"His job," she explained.

"What does he do?" asked Sara feeling her stomach knot.

"He works for an insurance firm. He had to go back to finish some cases. He'll be back in a day or so."

Sara exhaled.

_Nice safe job…_

She stood at the doorway to the nursery. Emily stepped in and picked up the baby. Sara glanced around the room.

"I couldn't believe the room was already decorated. A family must have lived here," said Emily.

"Yes, they did."

The phone rang downstairs.

"It's probably the alarm company. We're on a first name basis already because of that blasted smoke alarm. Sara, could you hold her?"

The baby was thrust into Sara's hands as Emily ran downstairs. Sara held the baby tight as she sat down in the rocker.

"I had a rocker…like this," whispered Sara. She snuggled the baby up close to her as she rocked back and forth.

Sara smiled as the baby closed her eyes. She breathed in deeply and swallowed the lump. She closed her eyes as she listened to the soft suckling noise.

"Hey Sara…" Emily sighed when she saw the sleeping baby. "Thank you. We didn't get much sleep last night. I think she's getting her nights and days mixed up."

"Well, if she continues, she can get a job with the Las Vegas crime lab."

"Is that where you work? You and your husband?"

Sara nodded.

"You should come over for dinner…wait…maybe we could order out…there's got to be some nice restaurants in the area."

"I'll give you a list," offered Sara as she headed downstairs.

"Thanks…for everything," called Emily.

"Be sure and reattach the smoke alarm," urged Sara. "You can borrow our ladder."

She did not even bother to look back as she smiled through the tears. She stepped into their house, shutting the door and then sliding to the floor in a pool of tears.

She cursed at herself for not being able to handle the emotions.

She knew she needed to get a handle on them or Grissom would insist on selling their home and moving.

She didn't want to move.

They'd made love for the first time in this house.

She stood but then slid back down when she felt a bit odd.

Dinner was some soup and then she found herself curled in their bed.

She smiled when she felt warm lips on hers.

"I thought you said you wouldn't be home until tomorrow," Sara said.

"It's tomorrow," replied Grissom.

Sara scrambled off the bed. "I've been asleep for twelve hours!"

"Good," he said. "I won't feel guilty for keeping you awake."

Grissom pulled her back to the bed.

"I've got to get ready for work," she moaned as his lips descended lower.

"I took the liberty of taking you off the schedule," he whispered.

"You did?" she asked.

"I thought we needed this time…alone," he said.

She smiled.

"I held the baby," she said as she curled her body up next to his.

Sara felt his body stiffen.

She spoke of the smoke alarm and the poor woman's frustration as well as the offer to loan them the ladder.

"I must have knocked that alarm down a hundred times," grinned Sara.

"Blake always insisted on returning the ladder…he kept saying you were getting better."

Sara laughed.

She sat up, folding her arms around her slender legs as she faced Grissom. "The phone rang, and the next thing I know she's handing me the baby. She didn't change the nursery walls…it looked the same…but different. I sat ithere and rocked Cady."

His body stiffened. "You uhm said Cady…that wasn't Cady."

"I know," she smiled sadly. "In my heart I pretended it was Cady. Just she and I in our nursery…but then Emily returned and I gave her…Lizzy."

"Sara…"

"It's going to be okay."

"I'm worried about you," he said.

"I thought it would hurt…seeing her with Elizabeth in the nursery, but it didn't."

He pulled her down as his body covered hers.

"I want to sell the house," he said.

"No!"

"Sara, we can go house hunting together. It would be fun."

"No."

"There are a couple of houses near Doc. He lives in a safe neighborhood away from the glitz of downtown."

"No."

"Look, I don't think it's healthy for you to be constantly reminded…"

"I'm pregnant," she blurted out.

He stared at her in disbelief.

"I never thought we could get pregnant immediately but…"

He smiled as he kissed her tenderly.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

She slipped from the bed and stepped into the bathroom.

She stood there in front of him as she held them up.

"Two…positive," she announced.

"We can still move," he offered.

"No. This is home...our home."

He pulled her into his arms.

She kissed him and then smiled her Sidle smile.

It made his heart happy.

The End.

Note from author:

Sorry we got delayed with this story because the server was down. Thanks so much for reading along and leaving a review. The next story will be out soon...I'm still working on it...It will probably be another 25 chapter story.

Take care!


End file.
